Telling the kids

[aug104evr]

Hi everyone! I haven't been around in awhile b/c I've been working on getting things together. I think I'm almost at the point where I can tell the kids that Jo is my girlfriend. I just got back from the parent/teacher conference and they are doing great in school. Of course my soon to be ex whom they don't live with took all the credit for that!! I have been trying to get our home life together for 4 months now that I've quit my job. 2 people working 6 to 7 days a week you can imagine how bad things got. But now I'm getting things under control and have been thinking about telling Jr 11 1/2 who is so smart it scares me. Smart but still of course naive. Jo and I do share a bed but they have never seen us kiss or anything. And Marie is 7 and starting to ask sex questions. I don't want to scar them or screw them up but I feel it should come from me. They adore Jo and their dad knows about us and they are ok with each other. But I think Jeff will give me a hard time about telling them.

 

I want to have a good christmas this year but I am so tired of having to watch my back when I give Jo a kiss. I'm not talking about making out in front of them but smooches here and there. I would definitaly look into counseling for them.

 

Any advice from someone who's been the parent or the child or the girlfriend would be appreciated.

[Serendipity1607307077]

When I was growing up, my Mum was always open about everything with us.. She told us everything upfront.

 

This is the best way I think. Your children are still young and it might be hard to comprehend, but they will see you are being honest and direct with them, and will appreciate your directness and in treating them like adults.

 

Just remember when you tell them, make sure that you tell them as well - there is nothing wrong with being gay, it doesn't mean that you are different to anyone else in the world. I think it will give them a greater awareness of life...

[novaseeker]

It would be best if you and your stbx were on the same page about the telling, because the best for the children would be if you and the stbx are singing in the same key about the situation between you and your gf. If they are getting mixed messages from you both, that will lead to confusion and could lead to traumas and the like.

 

But in general I must say you're rather fortunate. Where I live, if I were to live with my BF, the courts would (if my ex asked, which she would) take away my ability to see him in my house ...

[Hope75]

I think if you are just honest with the kids and don't make a big production out of it, and don't make it seem like a big issue, leaving time for questions and not acting embarrassed to them, the kids will reflect your attitude towards if and probably be OK after some initial surprise.

 

Be direct, honest. Sit the kids down and tell then you know they may have been wondering what's going on with you and Jo. Tell them that you two love each other, the way that a boyfriend and girlfriend do, and the only difference is that you are both girlfriends.

 

Ask them if they have any questions. Be open, and don't act embarrassed or ashamed. Tell them yes it's a little different than many boy-girl couples,and because of this it is hard for some people to accept or understand. If they ask you why, tell them because you fell in love. Don't make a big issue about it.

 

Tell them that it does not change how you feel about them, or who you are. They already accept and love Jo so that major obstacle is out of the way. I think if it comes out in the open why you are sharing a bed with her it will be somewhat of a relief for them to know the truth. I'm sure they have been wondering.

 

I think if you are calm and honest and accepting of it, they will most likely be too. Tell them if ever they have questions, even ones that come up later, to come to you and ask.

 

Who knows? Your kids are very smart and intuative, they may know more than you think!

 

 

Good luck!

[UT]

I'm with the others.

 

You know. The longer you wait the harder it will be. As they grow older they will get opinions about things. it's better that they know now when they're still learning who they are and learning about different values.

And as you said you wanted it to be great Christmas. It can't get much better than feeling that you can be yourself and that you are completely true to the ones you love.

[Lil R]

i know its would be very hard to tell your kids that..im just looking at it if my mum told me she was a lesbian..you at 1st id think it was very weird but then id get use to it cause your kids are probably use to mummy and daddy but now they've got mummy and mummy and i think thats really sweet in a way..and i think its up to you really when you think your ready cause i know that if another women makes my mum happy then thats what would make me happy i know your kids would want thier mummy to be happy. and if you dont want to get your little girl confused ethier get her teacher to explain it as a lesson or just tell her your good firends but not to go around kissing her girl m8s at school! and for your son if hes bright he'll definatley understand and if you want your special christmas i think you should tell them but dont give them the upper hand and tell them if they dont like it thats fine you have to be a little firm that you to are partners and if they have any questions they can ask them..not oh jo wont come around if you dont want her too.

hope that helps

[aug104evr]

Thanks everyone for all the advice. I really want to tell my son the older one because he always feels hurt when left out of family issues. When he caught me & my ex in an awkward position ( used by animals ) I said we were naked wrestling. When he was about 7 I gave him a book on sex for his age range. The only thing he had to say was, " You lied about the naked wrestling". He was upset that I hadn't told him the truth. But he was only 4 at the time and I was caught off guard.

 

I am going to tell them but I really need to talk to the ex. He's a scorpio & polish ( no offense to polish people). I don't think this will go over very well w/ him but his 1st cousin was gay and died of AIDS. The kids knew that Harry had a disease & we still showed the kids not to be afraid of him. I am going to need all the ammuntion I can get to support me.

I am going to read as many books as I can get my hands on both for me & the ex. I let you know how it goes

[Hope75]

I hope that your ex will agree that honestly is the best policy because if you think about it, if you hide this from your kids and it eventually comes out later, as you said, your son will be hurt that you kept this from him, and he will see homosexuality as something to hide, and what if, later in life, he discovers he is gay, or a friend of his comes out of the closet? It may be that much harder for him to accept if he thinks being gay is something to be ashamed of.

 

Your ex seems to be accepting of your lifestyle, so here's hoping that he's open to discussing it with the kids as well. AIDS and homosexuality are not synonymous, try to remind your ex about this. It sounds as though he was open to teaching the kids about AIDS and not to be afraid of their family member, so hopefully he will be willing or at least supportive of telling his kids the truth. He should also be open for questions from them-- and maybe you two could arrange some answers in advance so the kids feel you are supportive of each other, another reason for them to be OK with the news.

 

Do let us know!

[UT]

Good Luck!

 

And you know if you ever nedd someone to ask anything or nees advice or support you're always welcome to come here. most of the people are gay in this section and have struggled or is struggeling with the same problem as you (coming out).

 

Remember "you are not alone."

[Tigris]

I remember telling my 13 year old nephew about me being bi and he took it all in his stride. He's now 15 and I'm going to have to tell him I got that wrong I'm a lesbian!

 

The good thing about children is they accept you for who you are and how you treat them, not what you are!

 

I'm sure you'll have nothing to worry about.

 

Good luck.