Is he really afraid of having sex?

[numbertwelve]

I've been going out with my boyfriend for about 5 months. He's being like my only serious Long-term boyfriend and I've done a lot of things I've never done before with him because I feel very comfortable with him.

At the first month it was the typical normal dating.. kissing, holding hands but that's all. Then 2nd-3rd month we progressed and he fingered me and stuff and well, I've been 5 months with him and I really don't feel comfortable about me giving him handjobs or blowjobs but I feel I'm ready to have sex with him.

I know he wants to have sex because he told me and I'm prepared but I really don't want to be the one taking the first step about having sex because I won't feel good. Besides, I'm a virgin and so is he. He's the slowest man ever. I'm almost sure he knows I wanna have sex, but I think he's scared or something. He's 19 years old and he had have many chances with different women for having sex and he haven't because he's scared or something? I wouldn't like to be the one to tell him that I wanna have sex. I think having sex isn't about planning it, it just happens.

Do I really have to give him a handjob like to show him I wanna have sex with him?

 

Well, to be honest, I sometimes don't feel like having sex with him because soemtimes I feel he doesn't deserve it. Yes, he's my boyfriend and I feel really comfortable with him but he does things, and it hurts. He doens't really screws up things or anything, the problem is me because I'm very so damn jealous and I'm really insecure about losing him.

 

In the other hand, there's thins boy who is really atracted to me. He had tell me he wants to kiss me and he wants to have sex with me. Well, you know, honestly, I feel attracted to him. He's sweet with me and well if I ever have soemthign with this guy, it's like a momentary thing. Not a serious thing. It'll be having fun with this guy. He has a lot of expiernce about sex. But I look at this guy as soemone I would date for having fun and not something serious. He knows I'm going out with another dude and he respects that. He just told me taht when I break up with this otehr dude, I have to be with him. I feel really sexually-attracted to him but well, it's all about curiosity, nothing more.

[Blackmsmithdave]

Well yes your right sex should be something that just happens, during a moment of pasion where you both just cant hold back, but dont feel obligated, you say that you both want it, but if you both wanted it badly enough we wouldnt be talking about it, you would be riding him into the bed. If you have to ask if its time, then your not ready. Sex is not just physical its an expresion of your love for that person. You have sex to please yourself but you also do it to please your partner.

 

Just continue on the track youve been going on and let things take their course, if you end up with your hand down his trouser, sorry pants, and you want it to be there, then your ready, dont do things because you think you should do things because you want to.

 

I hope ive helped

[RandomAdvisor]

Sounds like he is taking things slow, and is in no hurry to bring sex up when you may or may not be comfortable with it. You say you think he knows you want to have sex, but in reality, he is not a minder reader. You can't expect him to know that unless you tell him. You should feel comfortable talking to your partner about sex, or you shouldn't be doing it in my opinion.

 

I think having sex isn't about planning it, it just happens.

 

I disagree. Although it can happen both ways, I think that for the people where it "just happens" they are more likely to regret it. I lost my virginity at your BF's age, and when me and my GF first did it, it was planned in advance. I don't regret it in the least.

 

Don't do it until you're sure you are ready. Don't do anything sexually if you're not comfortable with it. Sex, blow jobs, hand jobs...whatever. Just explain to your partner you're not comfortable with it, and if they are worth keeping they will understand.

[HajiMaji]

Talking too much can be seen as non spontanious and boring, but really its amazing. If you talk out your desires and wants to your partner, he can be receptive to it. It heightens the level of care the two of you can have. And i promise, even if you guys plan it it will feel special.

[valenski]

I understand you not wanting to have to lead him but as a virgin it might a little more effort than you want to give. Overcoming his shyness to just ask for it is, I think, a possible solution. From my own experience breaking my virgin was not as fun as sex afterwards (not say that breaking yours wont be fun) but after my first time I really started having fun and was alot more open about asking for sex. What I dont understand is how could you two be petting so heavily and not have sex?

[ImInLove232]

I definitely agree with HajiMaji....obviously you have both gone the extra mile and he's touched you......that alone sends the message 'im ready'....maybe he's too shy, or scared, since he's never gone through it just like you haven't as well. Personally, my boyfriend and I both knew we wanted it, and we ended up having a whole phone conversation about it....it turned out being pretty interesting, and very important because we talked about birth control methods, etc. Since you say you are comfortable with him, then he should feel comfortable as well, and a conversation like this may seem a lil scary to talk about at first....but once you start talking itll definitely keep going! Seems like your guy is a gentleman and respects you and is waiting for you to say something first =)