This is So Disturbing

[lizzy22]

My boyfriend of over 2 years has an anger problem that has hurt me beyond what he may ever know.

 

He has had outbursts of anger over almost everything I do, and now his new thing is ordering me around because, "I'm the woman and thats my job." He says it with a sneer on his face. Its sad...

 

This is not the first time, but the second time he had layed a hand on me. The first time he did was about a year ago, and in the process pushed me down and threw my things around. I was naive and stayed.

 

well, his temper tantrum over "attitude" i was giving him turned so negative yesterday. Here I was trying to bbq for him and show him how much I cared, bought a nice steak dinner, and because he was so sick of my "attitude" he threw the plate of food out of my hand and locked me out of the house.

 

Then I tried to come back in and get my stuff to leave, and he let me in, only to yell at me and curse at me, then grap my arm with so much force, calling me a kid over and over. I am 23, he is 33, so there is an age difference, but who cares, HE acts like the kid. He told me if i continue to give him attitude, he will THROW ME OUT OF A MOVING CAR, OR RIP MY FACE!!

 

I know I need to get out of this verbally abusive relationship, but I need some help and encouragement. i will be humble and say my self esteem is shot, and I am letting him blame ME for his verbal outbursts, when I know its not ALL me, yet I do have some contribution. I do know that abuse is not meritted NO MATTER WHAT, and I have to believe that.

 

Guys, please help me get out of this, I don't know WHY I can't, because he even threatened me if I give him attitude again, he WILL physically hurt me. Why is is so hard? I want my life back..

[Boricua7]

You've got to leave him. Case and point. This is not healthy or normal in any way. It seems to me that he is treating you more like his daughter than he is like an adult woman that he loves, especially when he keeps calling you a kid. It sounds like he does not respect you like he should because of the age difference. I would leave him, especially if he's hurting you. Why stay in an abusive realtionship; a relationship where you are not given the respect you deserve? I think the reason it's so hard for you to just leave is because he's got you scared. That's not right. If he scares you, than the relationship is not healthy at all and you need to get out of it. You are a good person, remember that, and you deserve to be with someone who loves, cherishes, and respects you.

[lillady898]

he will THROW ME OUT OF A MOVING CAR, OR RIP MY FACE!!

 

There is your incentive to get out of this relationship quickly. Keep remembering this line right here. If someone threatens something as terrible as this, you need to assume he is foreshadowing what he may eventually do.

 

Can you imagine yourself living with this guy forever, having kids with him, or even sitting in a car with him while he's angry? Of course not. And for that reason among many hundreds of others, you need to leave.

 

I'm extremely sorry you have to go through this. It's a very, very difficult situation for you to be in. Find strength in knowing you will get through it and you will be a much healthier, happier person after leaving him.

 

 

[Meow18]

Like Boricua said, he doesn't respect you at all.

 

You need to leave him. You may love him and it might be hard to leave, but if you stay, it's only going to get worse. This guy is dangerous. He even threatened you!

 

I don't suggest telling him in person. Leave a note when you go, and tell him that you are moving out and until he gets help for him abusive behavior, you never want to even see him (not that i suggest ever seeing him even if he does get help..). Tell a close friend, or your parents. Hopefully they can help you move your stuff out at some point while he's not home.

 

This is very scary. The way you are feeling is completely normal. It's hard to leave someone you care a lot about. But his behavior will get worse. And don't blame yourself! Not even for part of it! A healthy relationship even has problems, but the other person can control themselves.

[abitconfused]

Leave him ASAP!

[Penny1041]

My now ex was/is the same way, I KNOW what your living through, your doubting all you know in your heart.. stop that, this isnt your fault.

Hon, you gotta get out, think of a way to get out. It wont stop, he wont stop. Read all my past posts and see what I have been thru..thats your future, so take care of yourself and dont let it happen. I dont like to post about the abuse, but I now have a back injury from him slaming me up against a wall. He has anger issues too..

You deserve better then this, and you cant get it if your cheating yourself out of life and meeting new people. Dont be isolated ok? Stay in touch with family and friends, so you can be reminded of who you really are. Be strong and leave him.

Your in my prayers-

Penny

[Bethany]

Leave him immediately. If you can't get your stuff, just go! Return with your father or a friend and never see him alone again. He could seriously hurt you.

Whatever you do will NEVER be good enough and the more you do for him, the more he knows you still care and so he will continue to abuse you. And the vicious circle will continue until he either DOES throw you out of a car or he really does rip your face off.

This man has serious problems and NONE of them are because of you. It's not because you are not good enough, you dont care enough, dont do things the way he wants them....its because he is a violent abusive, controlling man who doesnt deserve you or your love.

There is a man out there for you and in time, when you least expect it, he will be there and show you what a good relationship should be like. But he's never coming for you while you live with that pig. Pack your bags and Run, Honey RUN!

[sick and tired]

for your own safety please LEAVE HIM NOW, although it may be difficult to do, it will be much easier to leave him sooner rather than later, take it from someone who was in an abusive relationship for 12 years.

 

Cut your ties now while you are still physically and emotionally able to, chances are the abuse will only get worse and the longer you stay with him the more difficult it will be for you to emotionally detach yourself from him and the relationship.

 

Good luck and please leave while you can.

[Dako]

Don't wait for a third time. There's never an excuse for that behavior, and you deserve better. Only a sick man does that to a woman.

[lizzy22]

You all have been such a great help.

 

I guess if for no other reason, I need to leave ASAP for my safety. I love life and my friends and family too much to hurt them like that if he was to do something to me.

 

I guess I just need to repeat his cruel words over and over until Im disgusted.

 

Thanks again everyone. All the encouragement has brought me one step closer. =)

[RayKay]

Well, I never heard it directly from him, and I am disgusted...I am VERY happy you do realize what is going on, and realize this is unacceptable - and more so realize you ARE NOT TO BLAME and that you need to get out of there. It's hard to leave because you are stuck in the cycle where you do blame yourself however, and your self esteem DOES plummet to where you truly believe you deserve it - get out now before it gets worse.

 

And its more then verbal abuse now - as soon as he laid a hand on you, and started to threaten you, it became physical.

 

He is not behaving like a child as children even know more than he does when it comes to treating others - he IS however being an abuser.

 

You absolutely MUST tell some of that loving family of yours what is going on, and organize to move out when he is not there - take a day off work or whatever, and MOVE out while he is out - and have your family there to help. Do NOT ever ever meet him alone, or see him alone again. Make sure you carry a cell with you with a speed dial to the police and as much as possible, be with someone else always.

 

Get out.

[Meow18]

Just keep reminding yourself that you can get by without him! I think a lot of people stay in abusive relationships because they are afraid to be alone. Whatever you are afraid of, just realize you have all the support you need from friends and family.

 

You might love him, but is what he is putting you through worth it? There are people out there who respect you and love you. That's what you deserve. This is your only life. Look out for yourself.

 

His behavior is only going to get worse. He will become more controlling. He will become more physical. Get out while you are still able to.

[lizzy22]

Wow. You guys have been great.

 

The funny thing is that I broke down, I yelled at him, and told him that it wasn't all my fault, and that NOTHING merits abuse.

 

After that, he has been so nice. By the way, he also has been going on websites like "friendfinder" and link removed because he says when our relationship gets so bad, what else should he do? What a pig!! The one time I confronted him about it when I saw the adultfriendfinder icon on his computer, he lost it and hung up on me!

 

I am taking this day by day, and even though he is being an angel, and telling me he doesn't want any other girl but me, I know better. He will be nice, but when I piss him off, watch out.

 

Thanks again everyone. I will keep you all posted.

[kittensuzieq]

Please leave him I have been in that kind of relationship till now and I have finally decided to leave, and it is in the works, plans and all, family support, friends, moving out of town since I moved here where his family is and even they say to leave him. Well I waited around, and now the other day he was being MR. Angel himself and tried to kiss me the first time we kissed in about a month, and it repulsed me I felt so out of place, and my heart dropped, not from overwhelming love either. But pure relization of the seal "its over". Please dont wait that long, it will happen. And he is only acting like Mr. angel, cause he probably assumes your sick of it and ready to leave, so until he has you thinking all is well he'll be nice. But then Mr. attitude will come back and keep getting worse. Sick cycle but it is true. Dont waste no more of your time think of it of time you could be using to find Mr. right for you.

[Dako]

This will sound harsh:

 

Please don't think he's changed. He's just playing with your head.

Abusive guys can't change, hey just bottle it up for later.

 

You're letting him hurt you.

[Meow18]

This will sound harsh:

 

Please don't think he's changed. He's just playing with your head.

Abusive guys can't change, hey just bottle it up for later.

 

You're letting him hurt you.

 

I agree. This is a serious problem he has. It won't change over night. He probably won't change without serious help. He needs to talk to a professional.

 

It's only going to get worse. This is completely normal for a abusive person. They hurt you, then try to make it up to you, only to hurt you again but worse the next time. Don't fall for it..

[Gracelove]

You're probably afraid to leave because you're afraid that things will get worse. You're afraid that leaving him will make you a more horrible person than he says that you are. Leaving him will be hard, but it will definitely be worth it. Life will get better. I think that the longer you stay in it, the longer it takes to recover. Make life easier for yourself, and leave now. At least you'll be able to rebuild.

Thanks for sharing, I don't know why, but for some reason your story has really touched me. Maybe because when I read your story, I don't feel a sense of urgency from it. It could almost be as if someone else wrote it, an outsider looking in. There is something calm about the words you choose to write about your situation. Yet, I'm almost positive you feel an extreme desperation. I think you remind me of myself. Things are probably much worse than you know how to express in words.

[lizzy22]

Thank you all for your great support. Its been like a roller coaster lately.

I don't think I will ever be able to salvage the relationship, because what he has done to me, the verbal abuse, cheating, hitting me twice, and the mental abuse, is something I can't get over as long as I am with this creep.

 

It's causing a huge rift in our relationship, and he isn't understanding about it. He keeps telling me that he is now being faithful, Im the only one he wants to be with now, so he expects me to drop all the hurtful things RIGHT NOW and be ok. Of course I can't, and I keep telling him it will take time, but everytime I question him or show an insecurity, he tells me that its now MY fault because I can't move forward!

 

Im absolutley miserable w him, because he is now giving me silent treatment, and I have tried to apologize, tell him I am very tired, and you know what, I didn't even do anything to him. He just got pissed at the fact that I was monotone! Nothing gets past him, and it turns into a 2 day long grudge on his part.

 

But, I want to share with you all that Ive been going back to a wonderful church full of awesome people. Its right on the beach in Southern Cali and the combination of people there is just awesome.

 

Ive met a wonderful man there who has taken me out a couple times, and treated me like I was a queen! It was so so SO nice to be treated well. I know this may not be fair to this new man, but I do not want to let such a good friendship go. I want to let my loser abusive boyfriend go, and I will keep posting until he is 100% out of my system

 

Thanks to you all!

[teacup]

yeah. dont put up with him anymore. yuck. that is no way to treat you.

[Kamue]

they are all right, you should definatly leave him immediately. break up with him in a very public place, like a returaunt or a mall. make sure there are many people around to see, because if he does something to you in a public place, you have so many whitnesses to aid you. and to get your stuff, bring many friends, or even just people you vaguely know.

the best of luck to you. and remember that its not your fault at all. hes an adult and should know how to handle his anger by now.

[BillyJean714]

Hi Lizzy,

 

I just got out of a pretty verbally/emotionally abusive relationship myself. It DOES NOT feel good to be yelled at, screamed at, lied to, treated like crap in general.

 

Take this as a learning lesson. Ask yourself these questions, okay:

1. If I were to be in one of my toughest times in my life, will he sincerily be there to support me?

 

OR-

 

2. Will he push me away, put me down, and talk trash to me?

 

1. As much as I love him and am willing to give myself to him in the way that I do, will he do the same for me?

 

OR-

 

2. Is he a COMPLETE selfish a-hole?

 

Sounds like the two #2s to these questions is your scenario.

 

One thing you need to remember, there are OTHER guys out there who WILL treat you right, WHO TRULY care for your well-being- someone who WILL NEVER put you down, and will appreciate the little things you do for them.

 

If anything, instead of fixing him that nice piece of meat that he didn't appreciate, I would've left long before that. There's NO need to cater to someone who treats you like dirt.

 

Free yourself from this relationship. I did. Now, I feel like a ton of weight just lifted off my shoulders. I feel great, and I feel better! So can you. Trust me. People tend to learn after the 8th try anyway. Whatever you do, just remember the person who you were prior to when the relationship started. Just remember- you were once a HAPPY person. You still are, but the person you're with just hinders your from your own happiness.

[yeawutever]

Leave that jerk, so in other words he has the right to give u attitudes while he don't, wut a loser.

[yeawutever]

he can scream and do all the yelling and u can't, uwt he needs is a boot in his behind

[BillyJean714]

You DON'T NEED him.

 

If you want to be happy again, you must first find it within yourself. The only way you'll do this, is with love- not depending on him (obviously, he pushed you to this point- of course he makes you miserable). You must love yourself, first- to not put up with his crap!

 

Anytime a relationship is borderline unhealthy- when you guys constantly fight, or he puts you down, or when you express your sentiments, he SHOUTS and SCREAMS at you, it's NOT good.

 

Perhaps he's mistreating you as a way for you to leave him? Sometimes, some guys can't be man enough to leave the women they're not in love with, so they'll continue on mistreating them, until they figure the woman that they're with "will get the point" and break up. If they end up staying and put up with that crap, that's when their partners continues to string them along/take advantage of them. It's sad, pathetic, and deceiving, but it HAPPENS.

 

Either way- he makes you unhappy. My personal motto from now on-

 

"If he LIES to you ONCE, he's not worth it" (if it's a lie to descise a surprise, of course it's an exception).

 

"If he criticizes you for what you do for him, he's not worth it" (talk about whipping up a meal for him, and he still doesn't appreciate it?)

 

"If he raises his voice at you while you're crying, he's not worth it."

 

"If he makes you cry ONCE, he's not worth it."

 

"If he brings tears of HAPPINESS to your eyes, then he's worth it."

[lizzy22]

I want to die right now. My boyfriend kept calling and calling me, but i was in class so I couldn't answer. He textd me, "Answer your phone!"

 

I texd him back that i was in class. He just replied back, "oh"

 

Anyways, i get back to my car and come to find out I didn't lock it, and my stuff was stolen from the inside of my car. Text books, cd's, etc. It is a nice car, in a nice area, but with my luck, my car gets broken into.

 

So i try to call my boyfriend back, he doesn't answer. I call him again, no answer. Then he calls back and I ask him in a negative tone, because im obviously bummed, "why did you call so much?" he said, "What??!!" then hangs up on me.

 

I call him back and call him back again, he doesn't answer. I tell him how my car got broken into on his voicemail. no call back. I tell him that the way he is acting right now sucks, because I really need him.

 

I text him, no respsonse. This feeling is so overwhelming, I almost want to die right now! He is being so cruel, and he won't even call me back. I need help! Please help me.