Where do I start? Sex...cheating....feelings?

[msluv4lfe]

I have so many issues I'm thinking about....

First, me and my girl have been together...a long time. Almost eight months okay? So...I have so many feelings, and they're deep rooted. Like I was into her the moment I saw her....we have lots of trust issues because we both broke up with our currents to be together. She talks to all these people online and gives out her celli to everyone, but when I message someone she thinks I'm being shady. But they all know about her....I didn't want that to ruin us, so I stopped messaging where she had a prob, but she didn't do the same.........I feel like she doesn't trust this relationship to last. But she says she loves me, and this time I want to believe her SO much. I do sometimes, but it stings too because I'm scared she's going to take it back....

Then....we finally had sex for the first time. I was happy and sad at the same time, because that means she trusts me enough to do it, right? But I'm scared she resents me for it, and it'll never happen again because now she has a UTI and is asking me if I gave her an STD. OMG there is no doubt in my mind I did not. That's horrible. I would never dream of doing that to myself or her....But she was serious, and I don't know what to do; I seem to be causing so many problems........

[Boricua7]

Yeah it sounds like the two of you have some trust issues going on. UTIs hurt like hell for one thing, I don't know if you've ever had one. If she knows that the pain she's going through is because she has an infection then why is she concerned about an STD? I'm not really sure what it is that you're asking for help in. I don't think you're causing any problems. It seems that your girlfriend is very emotional and because of it, tends to be irrational. What makes you think that your girlfriend resents you for having become intimate? Is it because of the STD thing or is it something else? I guess all I can say is that the both of you need to sit down and talk. Seriously. My boyfriend and I are the most open couple I've ever met. This helps because we know we can come to eachother with issues and say how we feel without a huge argument happening. Yes, it's hard because there are certain things you don't want to discuss for fear of hurting eachother's feelings but if each partner is aware and secure that the other loves them and is not attacking them then you are more easily able to bring up problems and not have to worry about your partner feeling like you're attacking them. Like I said before, I don't think you're the problem. It seems that your girlfriend has a very pessamistic way of thinking which is probably her defense mechanism; her way of ensuring that she does not get hurt. You undoubtedly need to sit down and have a good, long talk. I hope this helps!

[msluv4lfe]

Hey, thanks for the reply. I have had a UTI. It sucks bad. But I know that they go away, and I had mine the first time I got intimate too....So I don't know, but I just let it pass....The STD thing....I was so gut punched by that you know, she's calling me dirty!? But as far as the advice goes, you did what I needed so thanks! I just want some comments and advice on what's going on....what I should do blah.

[CATLOVER]

Yeh the STD comment is harsh and way out of line.....its an infection not an STD....so it doesnt make any sense anyway. Does she know its an infection? Maybe she is ill informed and thinks its an STD......dont know.....but I would be setting her straight on that for a start.

Sounds to me like she is starting to walk all over you........Dont let her do that......stand up for yourself when you need to ok.