He's making things so difficult

[jnk260]

My last relationship was fairly turbulent and this result in me dumping him twice, both times because i was very angry. After we got together again after the second break up, i ended up telling him to decide what he wanted to do about us as things weren't working. He either had to deal with the problems or we would split up.

 

He decided to split up, however he took the very cowardly method of dumping me by text, which only helped fuel my anger towards him. However the anger was short lived because we turned up at the same party, at which he was obviously really depressed and quite drunk (the two ingredients necessary for him to start to communicate). I talked to him after several of his closest friends asked me to stop ignoring him (immature, i know) and patch up our differences. I did talk to him and after lots of generalisations and avoidance of the subject, he confessed that he missed me and regretted splitting up.

 

I was hurt by what he had done (who wouldn't be?) and hadn't yet started to miss him, so i didn't comment. It came to saying goodbye and he said that we were still friends. So I said goodbye to him as I sat goodbye to all of my close friends - with a hug and a kiss on the cheek. He turned his head and caught me on the lips. To my utter surprise he kissed me briefly back. This has really confused me as I didn't want or expect him to respond.

 

It has been a week since i last saw him and he ignored me completely, although when confronted he denied ignoring me. I asked if I could see him to have another attempt to clear the air between us, particularly as he was the one to say that we were friends. He said 'maybe' extremely non commitantly, which has really confused me as I had thought we were better friends than that and that he wanted to sort things out also. I not happy with the situation, but I have no idea as to what to do and where i've gone wrong.

 

Please offer some suggestions, advice and support

 

Thankyou. JNK260

[segagirl]

well first, he was drinking when he opened up to you that night, the next morning he may have kicked himself. Like you I am sure he is sick and tired of going back and forth. The reality is you are not supposed to offer a "lets work it out or leave" option. This tells someone that loves you that you are not willing to stick through the hard times and will run for the door at each issue you cannot get through. I mean you dumped him twice...what do you expect? In stead you go to the person you love and say nothing of splitting, you say here are the issues....we must work through them if we want happiness. If after some actual effort...either they work with you, or you leave the relationship ONCE.

So at this point I have to say I understand his confusion. If the situation was he did all these "bad" things to you or something...my point would still be the same. You either fix it or leave him, once.

I think its time to let him go, don't worry about contact. He has a right to settle into how he feels.

[Heretic]

Segagirl has an interesting view on things and I'd listen to what she said, but also consider this.

 

You've broken up with him twice right? Both times he's been very hurt and upset. You give him a chance to do the same to you and he jumped on it. I'm sure he's kicking himself for what he said at the party because he wants you to think he doesn't want you. Truth is feelings don't disapear that fast. When you kissed him he kissed you back because he missed it that's all. It doesn't mean anything else.

 

If I were you I'd give up on him and find someone else, he's playing you and you're falling right into it.

 

Hope this helps.