Other shy guys out there like myself?

[Blue Dreamer]

What's up all,

 

Crap happened to me (plain & simple) and for the past few years have never had the guts to even approach a woman. If I am a bit inebriated(drunk), I am motivated to get out and meet people as I am more outgoing/confident. I may feel better but the reality is I am still scared to alk to the ladies that interest me. Am totally lost as I fear to do anything in my normal life to help the situation, as I have no motivation, but beer gets me motivated for what seems the first time in my life. I know my issue is confidence, but am curious if there are guys who have a few beers and so want to hit on the ladies in the local bar, etc. I swear this is the most painful reality in my life now that I truly understand what I am missing, love. Tell me I am not alone.

 

I tried to not make it complex, as I have failed. Simply, are there guys so shy as they do not consider dating but have a few beers and then wish they could at least go out and talk to ladies but are still to self consoius? Sad I know but it numbs the pain. Thanks guys.

[stevty2889]

You are definatly not the only one. I am the same way. I am extremly shy, and have an extremly hard time approaching anyone, especaily women. I get self conscious even looking at a woman. I have never once initiated conversation in person, only on the internet. I am 29 years old, and had only 3 girlfriends, and they asked me out, I have never asked anyone out. I ended the first relationship because she was suicidle, then I married a suicidle woman. The 3rd one, was also my best friend for the last 9 years, we started a long distance relationship about a year ago, and now it seems to be over. I have lost both my best friend, and the woman I loved about 4 days ago. She didn't want to continue the long distance relationship because it was too difficult. Being my insecure self, with low self esteem, I didn't know how to react, and said a lot of things I didn't mean, and now I may have lost my best friend in the world. I sent her a letter yesterday to appologize for my actions, but I'm not sure she'll even talk to me again. It's worse, because she was the one who always got me through my rough times, and I have never felt worse than I do now, and don't even have her to talk to. I also know the feeling about having a few drinks. It makes me feel a little motivated, but in the end I still never got up the courage to initiate conversation. I really don't know anything I can say to help you, cause I can't figure it out myself, but at least you know you aren't alone.

[FLicky]

Dude, no one is alone in this world, cept for the loneliest guy in the world. Im shy, im 20 nvr had a girlfriend. The only time I go out on a date with a girl I screw it up by leaving jsut because I thought I was giving her a rotten time .

[setsuko1981]

I'm kinda the same way too. Never had a GF, I went out on dates before with a woman (I asked her out) (Mostly because I'm a nice guy), who I think I scared away, cause I was too insecure that she would not like me. I've also had another girl give me signs and hints that she likes me and wants to go out with me, but I never made the first move, cause I was too damn shy. If I do like someone, chances are this someone just wants to be a friend with me, and does not want have any special relationship with me.

 

Although I have lots of girl-friends (friend who is a girl) right now, compared to guy-friends. But I still do not have any girlfriend.

[Kyoshiro Ogari]

I don't drink but I am incedibly shy. I did go drinking a few times in my life way back when, and I thought that it would help me feel better about myself, but amazingly when I looked in the mirror, I was back to square one. So even if I did drink it would be no use. I feel that women will not give me a chance, that they will not look past my ugly shell. Or they'll see me as a sideshow. I have tried, I have really tried, but it is hard to get confidence when your friends, who are all stud muffins, get girls drooling all over them and you are totally ignored. Not a confidence booster. So you are not alone, hence the name of this website.

[candlewax]

I'm extremly shy. I have a problem with rejection. People that leave you or are lost to you and you are powerless to do anything about. What I have found is that if you are not happy with yourself then no one else is going to be happy with you. How can you know another person completely, love them, and care for them if you cannot even do those things for yourself?

 

Alcohol is great to lower inhibitions but you may also say some stupid things that might not be appropriate to share when approching women.

[Lacuna]

You'll find that most people consider themselves shy or awkward in some ways.

 

I think the real problem is people who consider themselves shy write it on their forehead before going out anywhere. Then whoever approaches them gets the 'shy' part before getting the 'person' part. It would work so much better if you all just shrugged your shoulders and forgot about it for a while - which is why beer helps I guess.

 

Easier said than done - but the real solution is a systematic approach. If you're scared of talking to people then you need more practice. Rather than trying to 'pull' or 'pick' up a girl/guy try to be more realistic and then work your way up. Start with "I'm going to say hello to three people today" and then maybe "I'm going to compliment that old lady at the supermarket today" etc. Get used to talking to 'normal' people and eventually you'll feel more comfortable talking to the people that get your heart thumping.

 

And of course don't hit yourself in the head if things don't go well - learn to laugh at yourself. Learn to land on your face and then stand up and laugh along with everyone else - it's an attractive way to be.

[JC2006]

Drinking is a crutch. Learn to walk unassisted.

 

Overcome your fear. Why are you afraid of women? Are you afraid of being rejected? Or are you afraid of intimacy? There are many reasons that people are shy. What are yours?

 

I used to be incredibly shy, but I overcame it. I still feel the fear most of the time, but I recognize it for what it is and learned to deal with it.

[ShySoul]

Drinking is a crutch. Learn to walk unassisted.

 

Amen. If you need to drink to talk to people, that isn't a good thing. You are likely to use drinking to ease uncomfortableness in other situations, which could lead to an overrealiance on alcohol. That opens up all kinds of other problems you don't want to deal with. I've seen people who use alcohol to deal with personal and self esteem issues, they only make the problem worse. And when you are drinking, you may be looser, but you certainly aren't at your best. If you want to impress someone and have something that will last, you need to not rely on alcohol.

 

For the truly shy people out there, which I'm one, it can be hard to talk to people. The trick I've learned is to not see your shyness as a problem to overcome, but rather as a natural part of yourself. Become comfortable with that being a side of your personality. There is nothing wrong with being shy or quiet. If everyone was outgoing and loud, no one would hear each other cause they would be too busy talking. We need the shy ones in this world.

 

The key is to find the balance. Don't let the shyness paralyze you into inaction, but don't look at it as a burden that you have to get rid of. Besides, shy guys attract shy girls. And shy girls are the best girls anyways.

[volution]

Welcome to the club

[Blue Dreamer]

Thank you all for the replies. I know what I need to do now.

[Blue Dreamer]

Amen. shy guys attract shy girls. And shy girls are the best girls anyways.

 

Yea this is old but you may just be on to something

[valiantv]

Definitely not the only one - I am really bad *even* when drunk. In a club I'd see a girl looking at me and even then not have the guts to go over to her... I'd always have to rely on them to come to me (which is very rare).

Pretty bad I know, as if one of my friends wanted the two of us to chat up a pair of girls together, I'd always have to make excuses why I couldn't.