stevty2889

I'm going through the same thing as you right now. Seems I go through the differant stages several times a day. It's been about a week since I last her from her. She was my best friend for 9 years as well, so I feel completely lost, because she was always the one I used to turn to when I was having problems. I feel sad, lonely, angry, and releaved all in one day. I was mostly going through the anger stage up until she IM'd me the other day, then everything started all over again. I was a complete mess the last conversation I had with her, and now she doesnt' even want to be friends anymore. I've been having the same problem with sleep as well, I fall asleep, dream about her, wake up, and then can't fall back asleep. I keep getting sick to my stomache and can't eat. I miss her horribly, but she said she wasn't happy in the relationship, so I am trying to let her go, I"d rather her be happy with some one else, then miserable with me. I still hope to be friends with her, since we've been through so much together, but now it seems I may have chased her away for good. All I can say is hang in there, it will be tough for a while, but things will get better with time. At least you know you aren't suffering alone.

I've been taking walks to clear my head, and it helps a bit. I just really don't know what I want to do now, since all my plans were working on being with her. She's made it very clear she doesn't love me anymore, and doesn't want to be anything more than friends. I'm very shy so I don't have many friends, and never had much luck in the dating scene, but like usual, seems I have to start all over again, just don't know where I want to go, or what I want to do. The job I have isn't what I want to be doing for the rest of my life, so I never gave a second thought to quitting and moving to be with her. I just feel completely lost, with no direction, and no idea what to do. I just want to settle down, get married, and be able to raise my daughter, and thought that was going to happen, and now I have to start all over, when I've never been good at meeting people in the first place.

She just doesnt seem to get the fact that I don't want to talk to her right now, she IM'd me again today. I guess I'll just have to ignore her from now on, because everytime she talks to me, I just end up feeling worse, and I'll never get through this that way. I've really lost all direction, and have no idea what to do with my life now.

I really wish I could get her off my mind, we had almost everything in common, I cant' do anything without it reminding me of her. I don't really have any other close friends, she was the closest friend I had, or so I thought. I'm a very shy person, so I don't make friends easily. I wish there was SOMETHING I could do to get her off my mind, but nothing is. I'm so upset right now, I want to send her an e-mail saying I don't ever want to talk to her again. How can somebody that was supposed to be your friend for the last 9 years, act so cold hearted. Is she really that stupid, or does she just not care at all?!?!?!

Well I just suffered a major setback. I should have just ignored her. She IM'd me today, I asked her how she was doing, said she was in bed with a migraine all week, she asked me how I was doing, said I was trying to survive one day at a time. Then she asked me if I had a new girlfriend yet, and when I said no, she actualy asked me why? I was like what the heck? Why do you think, I am heart broken thats why. It's like she doesn't even understand that she freakin broke my heart, or just doesnt' care. I shouldn't have answered her IM. I think she's already seeing somebody else, by the way she acted, but she didn't say it and I didn't want to ask. I need to just completely ignore her all together now, or I am gonna just go crazy. How can she be so heartless that she thinks we can just talk like friends, like nothing happened at all. I am gonna lose it!

Even if he does change his mind, and tells you he wants to work it out, if there are unresolved issues, it will just bring back the problems. I wanted nothing more than for her to say she wanted me back, and wanted to make things work. She did, but then 4 days later, broke it off again, for all the same reasons, without ever giving us a chance to discuss them, or work on the problems. I got my heat broken all over again, I should have just kept up the no contact, but I won't make that mistake again, it's not worth letting her hurt me all over again. It hurts horribly, and I feel completely lost without her, but I know it will get better with time. Just keep on trying to keep yourself busy, and over time, you'll start to feel better. I am still having my ups and downs, but starting to feel a little better.

I am going no contact without telling her. She's the one who broke up with me, twice in one month, if she wants to talk, she can initiate it, I'm not gonna play her silly games anymore.

It's really tough, but it has to get better eventualy. I am trying to deal with a break up right now as well. She was my best friend for 9 years, and we had been in a long distance relationship for about a year. About a month ago, we had spent some time together, and everything seemed great, then a week later, she dumps me out of the blue. I found this website a day later, and took the advice of no contact. A week later, she says she's sorry and wants to get back together and try and work things out. Then 4 days later she dumped me again, saying I was too emotional, too affectionate, had low self esteem(which is true), and those were her main reasons for the breakup. I have been a mess, because I not only lost my one and only true love, but my best friend at the same time, and don't really have anyone else to turn to.

I think you need to find a new lawyer. I know what you are going through. My ex-wife was abusive to me, suicidle, and mentaly unstable. My daughter got put in a foster home, while the divorce was going on. She wasn't being taken care of there as well. In the end, I had to sign away my rights, so that my parents could adopt her, and get her away from both my ex-wife and the foster home. It's been very difficlut for me, not being able to have custody of my daughter, but I know it was best for her. You need to keep fighting, and get your kids away from you ex-wife. I really can't understand why the courts seem to side with the woman, even if she is unstable and abusive, but it seems to happen anyway.

I know how you feel, I'm in a simlar situation. I've been in a long distance relationship for just over a year. 2 weeks ago, she told me she just wanted to be friends. I stopped talking to her, then a week later, she says she's sorry, and wanted to work things out. Everything seemed to be going fine, then 4 days later, she goes back to just wanting to be friends. I am completely in love with her, and she has also been my best friend for the last 9 years. I don't really want to lose her as a friend, but right now I just can't handle talking to her at all. We had so much in common, and enjoyed almost all the same things, so right now, doing anything remindes me of her. I want to be her friend again, but right now it just hurts way too much. I think the best thing for now would be no contact, in both of our situations.

I hope that I'll still be able to be friends with her, but for now I don't want to talk to her at all. Seems like she can't make up her mind, and I don't need to keep going through this, so I'm gonna stick to NC. It's so hard to not think about her, we had so much in common, and always had a good time when we got to spend time together. I mean we had practicly all the same hobbies and interests, I couldn't even watch the football games on TV yesterday, because the last thing we did together was go to a football game. I just need to start finding things to do, to keep me occupied, otherwise I'll just sit around, thinking about her non stop, and lose my mind.

I know how you feel. My girlfiend of a year, and best friend of the last 9 years, broke up with me 3 weeks ago. Then a week later, she says she's sorry, wants to work things out, and wants to continue our relationship. Then a few days ago, she says she just wants to be friends. She can't even have the decency to call, or talk to me about it, just sends me an e-mail. I was really heart broken 3 weeks ago, then she gets my hopes up, acts like everything is fine, the dumps me all over again. I blamed myself at first, but she seems to be the one having a problem, and can't make up her mind. We have been in a long distance relationship, and I am finally at the point where I was able to move there to be with her, and now she's pulling all this crap on me. I don't know that this helps to reasure you in any way, but at least you know you aren't the only one.

Well so much for that, not even a week later, she goes back to the whole lets just be friends thing. I don't know what I'm supposed to do now, I was making all my plans to move there to be with her, but it's obvious she doesn't want to be anything more than friends. I am really lost now, I don't know what I am gonna do. I don't want to stay here, but I don't want to move there anymore. She was my best friend for 10 years, but how am I supposed to be her friend, when I have these feelings for her, and she just dumps me like a piece of garbage.

Well I finally got to actualy have a conversation with her rather than the e-mail back and forth thing. I feel so much better now. I told her about how I felt last week, we talked about my working on moving there. I think I know why she was acting like she did too. I guess she thought I wasn't as serious about getting married as she was, because I hadn't proposed to her yet. I explained to her that I hadn't done so, because I wanted to wait until my divorce was finalized, and I couldn't afford to get her a ring yet. She seemed to understand, and I think we both feel a lot better now, I know for sure that I do.

I know how you feel. I have been in a long distance relationship for just under a year, with a girl who has also been my best friend for the last 10 years. About 5 months ago, she told me she couldn't handle the long distance relationship anymore, wanted to be friends, and broke things off. 1 week later she was seeing another guy. That lasted a week, and she got back together with me. It hurt me, but I tried to be understanding. Then after that everything seemed to be going good again. We saw eachother 3 weeks ago, and everything seemed fine. Then I get the same e-mail basically, she wanted to break things off, can't handle the distance, has been waiting for me for almost a year, and can't really deal with it anymore. This is one month before my contract is up, so I can move there. I had been applying for jobs when I got that e-mail. We sent a few more e-mails back and forth, and then 1 week ago, she said she didn't want a relationship with me, and maybe we could be friends if I moved there. That broke my heart. So I don't talk to her at all for a week, and then sent her an e-mail yesterday morning, saying I was sorry for how I acted, and that I would rather have her as a friend, than not have her in my life at all. She sends an e-mail back, saying she was sorry for how she acted, and that she misses me, and hopes we can work things out. I send her another one back, saying I was happy to hear from her, I accept her appology, hope she accepts mine, and that I am glad we can work things out. I also told her I had sent her a letter a few days earlier. So it looked like things were going to get better. But then this morning..I get a 1 line e-mail back saying Guess you had the wrong address. I really don't get it, not sure how to take that. We usualy talk through e-mail, but I told her I think we need to have a real time conversation, that I am still hurting, and hope she can find the time to talk to me. I was a real mess over the last week. I really love her, and want to work things out, but I'm afraid she is just going to hurt me again. Not sure if this really helps you, but at least you know you aren't the only one going through it.

Well I wrote back to her. I told her you have no idea how happy I am to hear from you, I was afraid you wouldn't want to talk to me. I said I accepted her appology, and hoped she would accept mine as well. I had referred to the letter I mailed her in the first e-mail, she thought I meant an e-mail, so I said it was actualy a letter I sent in the mail. She couldn't see the pictures from the other e-mail I sent, so I told her it was a picture of a horses "rear end" and I was calling myself one. I told her I was glad she wanted to work things out, and that I do too. So then I get a 1 liner e-mail back saying: "I guess you had the wrong address". I'm not really sure what that's supposed to mean, or how to take it. She's not making much sense to me right now.

Well..she wrote back to me. She basically called herself a "female dog", said she was sorry, hopes I'll accept her appology, and says we can try and work things out if I want to. You have no idea how happy I was to hear that. Thank you so much for listening, I'll keep you posted on how things are going.

I decided to send her an e-mail today, because I was still really shaken up when I wrote the letter. I didn't really say everything I had meant to in the letter. I let her know that the letter was coming too, and warned her that i might not have been thinking clearly when I wrote it. Now that I sent the e-mail, I will just sit back and wait, and hope she responds, but I won't contact her again until I hear back from her, no matter how hard it is. I really can't seem to keep my emotions and moods under control. I started to feel a little better while I was at work last night. I started thinking about a lot of the things she said to me, and took them to heart. I really do need to work on getting out and doing things, and learning to be happy with myself, rather than sitting at home all the time, never doing anything. I let her know that in the e-mail as well. I said we should probably take things slowly, and work on being friends for now. I said we helped eachother through a lot of rough times, and have been friends for a long time, and that I think the friendship is worth saving. I was a lot more calm when I wrote the e-mail. We always do things when we are together, and have fun doing them, but when I go home, I get back to my old bad habbits of sitting around doing nothing. With the job I have, I have way too much free time, and my job is really boring too, so it's just made things harder for me. I am very shy, but I feel like I need to work harder than I ever have, to start enjoying myself again, because it's the attitude I've had that probably drove her away to begin with.

I took your advice and wrote her a letter. I told her I was sorry for the way I was acting I told her I still wanted to move there, and that I would rather have her as just a friend, than not have her in my life at all. I asked her to try and understand how I was acting, and that I hoped she could forgive me, but I would understand if she was angry and hurt and didn't want to talk to me. I'm not sure if I should have said those things or not, but thats how I felt. . I mean I really can understand why should would want nothing to do with me the way I was acting. I was being so clingy and trying so hard to not let go, that I just pushed her farther away. She was feeling lonely, and the distance was becoming too much for her again. I felt the same way, but I knew that I would be able to move soon. It's just that with her schedule, and the time zone differance we have limited contact, so she hadn't even known I was planning to move. She told me then, that she would like to be friends for now, and that maybe we could continue the relationship if I moved there. I was still hurt and acting stupid, so I said some things that just made things worse. Then she said she didn't want the relationship at all, but maybe we could be friends if I moved there. She has been such an important factor in my life, that I would be so much happier even if she was just a friend. But I again, got stupid, told her I only wanted the best for her, and I hope she finds somebody that makes her happy, and that I wouldn't bother her anymore. I was so shocked and hurt, I hadn't realized until it was too late, that it was really my own attitude that was pushing her away. She was just trying to point that out to me, to help me better myself, and I took it as an attack upon me. I am so afraid I have lost her, I have never felt so lost. We had so much in common, that trying to do anything I enjoyed only reminds me of her even more. I don't know how she will react to my letter, or if she'll even talk to me at all after the way I was acting. I felt better after writing it, but it's gonna take 4 or 5 days to get to her. All I can do is pray that she understands, and doesn't take anything the wrong way, or that I scare her away even more. I mean in 9 years, this is the only real argument we have ever had. She was always good to me, and now my own insecurites and self esteem problems may have chased away the best thing I ever had.

You are definatly not the only one. I am the same way. I am extremly shy, and have an extremly hard time approaching anyone, especaily women. I get self conscious even looking at a woman. I have never once initiated conversation in person, only on the internet. I am 29 years old, and had only 3 girlfriends, and they asked me out, I have never asked anyone out. I ended the first relationship because she was suicidle, then I married a suicidle woman. The 3rd one, was also my best friend for the last 9 years, we started a long distance relationship about a year ago, and now it seems to be over. I have lost both my best friend, and the woman I loved about 4 days ago. She didn't want to continue the long distance relationship because it was too difficult. Being my insecure self, with low self esteem, I didn't know how to react, and said a lot of things I didn't mean, and now I may have lost my best friend in the world. I sent her a letter yesterday to appologize for my actions, but I'm not sure she'll even talk to me again. It's worse, because she was the one who always got me through my rough times, and I have never felt worse than I do now, and don't even have her to talk to. I also know the feeling about having a few drinks. It makes me feel a little motivated, but in the end I still never got up the courage to initiate conversation. I really don't know anything I can say to help you, cause I can't figure it out myself, but at least you know you aren't alone.

I am just afraid that if I don't get over my self esteem issues, that she'll never want to have anything to do with me again. I tend to look at things on the negative side, even though I try not to, and I think I just kept bringing her down, and she doesn't deserve to go through that. She has been really busy persuing the career of her dreams, while I get depressed, so I just sit around. No wonder she thinks I am so boring. I really hope I haven't lost her for good, she's been so good to me. At least she has me looking at life from a differant perspective now, all my negativity, may have cost me the most important person in my life.

I feel really lost right now. I am afraid I have lost my best friend and my lover for good. We started out as friends about 9 years ago. She was always there when I needed somebody to talk to. We had both agreed that a long distance relationship wouldn't work, but we both admited we had feelings for eachother. I was in the military at the time when we started talking and we both lived in Virginia at the time. I then got out, and moved back home to Pennsylvania to go to school. During that time I fell in love and got married, but we still maintained our friendship. After school, I moved to Massachusetts with my wife, as I got a good job there. My marriage was very short lived, because we didnt' get a long at all, and my wife was suicidle. I tried to make things work with her, and we went to marriage counceling, but in the end, we split up, and it was for the best. My best friend helped me get through all of it. About 2 years after my marriage was over I was still living in MA. My friend ran in to some problems with her family, and asked if she could stay with me. I was glad to help, after all she helped me through a very difficult time. Before that, due to the problems I had had with my marriage I had put in for a transfer with my job, to move to Oregon. When she got there, the feelings we had held back due to the distance all came out. We seemed to bond really well, we had a lot in common, and always seemed to enjoy eachothers company, and the relationship became physical. I probably should have held back, because I knew she had to go back to Virginia, and I had to go to Oregon. When the time came in November, she helped me move accross the country, stayed with me a couple of weeks, and then went back to Virginia. We continued talking often. I went to visit her at Christmas, unfortunately I didnt' get to spend much time with her because she had just started a new job, and couldn't get time off. That upset me a little bit, and I tend to get irrational when I get upset. We continued talking as usual though, and everything seemed to be fine. Then sometime around may, she told me she couldn't handle the long distance anymore, and gave several reasons. I didn't take it well, but decided her friendship was important enough, so I let her go. A week later she was seeing somebody else, again I did not take it well, and it started to strain our friendship. I talked to her about how I felt. A week later, she broke up with the new guy, and said she wanted to work out our problems. We started talking, and she told me about how the distance was hard, and that we didn't seem to enjoy the same things, and that she didn't want to come between me and my daugther from my previous marriage. We seemed to work everything out, and in July, we went on vacation together. She had a lot of stuff planned out for us to do, and all of it was fun. She got along great with my family, and my daughter adored her, and even started calling her mommy. She seemed to accept that pretty well, and it even seemed to make her happy, since she is unable to have kids of her own. Then one day during the vacation, she had a seizure. I hadn't known it, but she had had them in the past. She started acting very strange. I knew she didn't get along well with her parents, but I called them, and asked them what I should do. They said she needed to get to a hospital. We were on a small Island, with out even a doctor, but I managed to get us a flight off the Island. I took her to the hospital, and she ended up being fine. The next day, we went back to the Island, and continued the vacation. I was a little scared by that, but I didn't let it bother me, because she means so much to me. After the vacation ended, I had to go back to Oregon. She wasn't working at the time, so we talked almost every day. Not to long ago, she started her own business. She got really busy, very suddenly. She didn't really have the time to talk. I tried not to let it bother me. I would call and leave a message on her phone to say hi. I would send her an e-mail, asking how she was doing. I told her I really missed her. She basically told me to stop calling unless I had something important to talk about..that really upset me, but I tried to deal with it. About 3 weeks ago, I flew out there, so I could see her, and my daughter. We had a good time together, and everything seemed great. I was going to be going to Texas later for job training, and asked if she had the time, if she could fly out and visit. She liked the idea and agreed. After I got back from the trip, I sent her an e-mail to let her know I made it back ok. A couple days later when i went back to work, I found out they changed the date of my class. I sent her a message to see if she could still go and she said she wasn't sure. She still didn't really answer my phone calls, and said her phone wasn't working well, and never really does. She had used the phone while I was there however, and it seemed prefectly fine to me, so it seemed she was making excuses. I knew she was really busy with work, but it still got to me. She later said she didn't think she could go to texas, because she didnt' really have the money, and she was probably going to be too busy. I was disappointed. I said if it's the money thats the main problem, if you don't have time I said "I guess I'll survive She then sent me an e-mail, calling me whiney. Later I get an e-mail saying she didn't want the long distance relationship anymore, and hoped we could still be friends, and that if by some miracle I moved there, then maybe we could continue the relationship. I had just gotten done applying for some jobs there before getting this, because I only have to be here for one more month. I was pretty much shocked, and hurt that she would break it off a month before I could leave. I tried to talk to her about the issues she had brought up. I know they were the same ones she brought up before, but she said they had been on her mind the last couple months, so I said if they were bothering you for months, why did you drop this on me all at once, rather than talking to me about it while I was there. She said she brings issues up as they come along, and I either don't listen or don't care. Then she replied about my looking for jobs, she said she didn't know about that, and that she would try and send me e-mail at least twice a week to keep things updated, and that she would try and find the time to talk to me online. Seemed things were getting better, but I was still having a hard time giving up the relationship and just being friends till I got there, so I kept pressing the matter that I was gonna be there soon, and why would you give up on me now. I started saying cotradicting things like I always tend to do when upset, and she just seemed to get more upset, not that I really blame her. Because of that, I think she lost her trust in me. Then she says I am sorry, but I don't want to be with you anymore, and that maybe if you move here we can still be friends. I was really heart broken. I wrote back to her, and said I will always love her, but it would be pointless to move ther just to be friends. I said I hope that we can be friends again in the future and then I said good bye. Thats where I am now. It's been 3 days, I haven't been able to sleep, I throw up when I try to eat, I am so upset. I should have given her some distance, now I feel I've lost my lover and my best friend forever. I am not sure what to do, my family is trying to be supportive, but they just suggest finding someone new, and one of my other friends acted like a complete jerk and said I should just kill myself, which I would never even consider. She was my best friend, and helped me through all of my difficult situations in the past, now I don't really have anyone to turn to. I don't know what to do, I was making all my plans about moving there to be with her, and now I think I've lost her for good..please help me