unnecessary anxiety??

[cure_me]

Hi,

I've been seeing this guy for about three weeks now and in general, it's going well. I can hardly believe my luck at being with him because he's amazing... and the first couple weeks we were very smiley and attracted, kissing a lot and he would say wonderful things about me. This hasn't changed exactly, but it's cooled down in the last week or so. I'm sure this is normal, and I don't want to rush things anyway. But I still feel unbearably anxious all the time, almost paranoid that he'll lose interest and break up with me. We talk about it when one of us is feeling weird or down and it's ok. So I can confide in him, but I'm still worried that his friends think I'm boring or something because I've been feeling shy lately, and I don't want him to start thinking that. I think all of the negative feelings and shyness I've had lately is due to this paralyzing fear of losing him. I want this to work, and I think it can, but not when I'm overcome with worry- I have to get back to being my normal self. It also might have to do with my last boyfriend, months ago, who suddenly stopped acting interested and dumped me without warning. So my question is, what can I do to relax and be myself around him and his friends? Also, since I'm lacking long-term relationship experience, what does a couple have to work at to keep it going strong?

 

thank you!!!

[PersonalMe]

hmm well i think its mainly a psicological problem u have here, ur just paranoid because of what ur last bf did, and its totally normal and undertsandable. First of all, i think its normal that he doesnt say as much wonderful things to u as he use to, because in a relationship, the first step is to "reel" that person in, and OVERAPRECIATE them, so they know u care. and hes done that, and its not that he stopped caring, i hope its just that hes realized that u both r a kind ov couple, and, also (U KNOW MEN!) they think its ok if they dont have to CONSTANTLY remind u how much they care, they assume that u already know, and u should know!

anyway, solution: BE YOURSELF! wether his friends like u or not...r u dating his friends? i didnt think so! your dating him, and as long as your comforatble with him and hes comfortable with u, then thats fine, u can even maybe make a lil comment on your behaviour such as: " i kinda get shy around your friends" just so he knows thats not the REAL u. i say YOU should remind him that u love him/like him whatever...nice things, so he KNOWS u appreciate him but remember alot of ppl get frustrated easily and dont like to be constantly stuck to their partners, so also know when to give him his space. a relationship is tricky, but u can basically get the idea of wut u should do, depending on how hes acting example: if u hold his hand and he isnt gripping u very well, gently let go, let him make the move next time. things like that. if thats not working then deffinately talk to him. hope i helped bye!

[Kurodashi]

You need to work on both your confidense and your self esteem.

I suggest meditation, self-help books or councilling works best for this.

 

I know how it feels to be in that situation, it's not fun, and it directly falls that way because of two things.

You expect your boyfriend to act a certain way (in this case, the way he was when you first dated).

You dont think you're worthy of real love.

 

I know its a harsh thing to say, but please think about it. You said yourself you couldnt believe your luck with him. He may be amazing, but why do you think you diserve any less?

You don't like yourself all that much do you?

 

A wise person once said that you can't expect anyone else to love you if you dont first love yourself.

Work on finding love in yourself, and building your confidense, and soon you will KNOW why he should love you, rather than expecting him not to care because you dont see why he or his friends should.

 

Im sure you're a wonderfull person, and I urge you to find help from the three techniques I mentioned. If not just for this relationship, but for the rest of your life. Self esteem and love of yourself is paramount, and its one of the most important things youll ever learn.

[cure_me]

Hey,

 

Thanks to both of you for your replies, they gave me something to think about and both helped.

 

PersonalMe: I'm glad you agree that it's normal for things to slow down as we get more comfortable with each other. I know that he hasn't stopped caring for me, so I shouldn't be so paranoid. I'm going to try to relax around his friends so that at least they can get to know me for who I am, and we'll see what happens.

 

Kurodashi: I agree that I need to work on my self-confidence. In general, I like myself as a person and I think I do deserve someone great like him, I guess it's just hard to get used to something so awesome happening. Plus I just don't have a lot of experience with love/relationships. Anyway, if I start feeling really terrible about myself I will definitely talk to someone. But for now I'm just going to take it easy and not agonize too much and see how it goes.

 

Thanks again!!