just curious, how long wait to contact ex and outcome of it

[renaissancewoman101]

Just curious. If one was dumped, how long did people wait to contact their ex to say hi, or whatever, and how was the outcome???? Good?? Bad???

 

Just want people's input about their breakups and what it led them to do. Also how did ex react?

 

Trying to learning about relationships and breakups

[TooNiceAGuy]

In my case it took almost two weeks (she dumped me). She took a trip to Mexico during that to "think" about things (I know who she went with, so no, it's not a new guy) .. anyway. It took two weeks, and it was via email. After that we've had a few email conversations, and one phone coversation at the end of those because the emails started to get misunderstood. Phone call lasted 17 mins. Mostly it was talks about me getting my things, and I told her some things I just wanted off my chest (I felt like "I don't care, I lost her anyway", but I kept them short and non-needy). She knows I still love her, obviously.

 

We also had the "friends" talk, (she wants to remain friends, I have a hard time seeing that ever happen).

 

Overall I'd say the outcome was pretty good. I felt some closure, which is what I needed. Do I miss/love her still? Absolutely. Did NC for two weeks work? Yeah, I'll have to say it did. Is there a chance of us getting back together? Probably not. She admitted she's too busy for a relationship. Can I be friends with her? probably not.

 

Hope that helps

[NU_BLUE]

Don't......

 

Ask yourself if you really need to as opposed wanting to. There's a difference. Think of the worst thing that could happen and thats usually what will happen. I say this because I'm realistic about the situation not because I'm being negative. Don't think things will be worked out, usually you'll find something out that you didn't want to know.

 

I haven't talked to my ex. in the last almost 4 months when I was dumped... Do I want to call her?...No....I don't really want to talk to her because I know there will not be anything I want to hear..

 

The same should apply in your situation.

[polaris]

Sensible breaking of no contact is a paraxdoxical thing, because the only time you can really do so without a significant risk of getting hurt is when they no longer mean anything at all to you, good or bad. And of course, that's the time when you'd no longer call them, not because you don't like them any more, but because you simply don't think about them, or have any reason to want to be friends with them.

 

Sometimes it's possible to get over all of the feelings and move on, but happen to have some form of connection with them still, which can result in a renewed friendship. I think that's more the exception though.

 

Regardless, the general question to ask yourself might be: can I feel the same way (and note this is "feel the same way", not "behave the same way"; we can all put on a front) when talking to this person that I felt when first talking to them, or that I feel when talking to some of my other friends? If the *honest* answer is no, then don't break NC. It's not worth it.

[renaissancewoman101]

With me, after he told me that he wanted to break up with me, I talked to him about 10 days after breakup to ask him if I could see him. He was kinda distant to me but he let me come hang with him and his buddy. Unfortuanetly, we got into a drunken fight that Sat night. I didnt see him again for a week. That next Sat, I saw him at a Faire and he was scared of me and avoided me for awhile, but then talked to me for about 20 minutes. Told me he needed a lot of time and space from me and that there was no hope for relationship.

 

That was two weeks ago. He still has my cell phone as well as my bottle of pain pills. I suffer from degenerative disk problems in my upper spine and with the advent of winter, and the coldness of the weather, I need those pills back. The cell phone he can keep for the time being. I strongly suspect he is seeing someone right now since I keep track of his phone calls and he has been calling a certain number every night for long periods of time. Number belongs to a guy who has two daughters, one is married one isn't. I know them from Faire. Not sure what to do. Part of me wants to take the phone back so that he cant get so easily in contact with her. My ex lives at home and his parent balk at him using the home phone a lot.

 

Not sure yet.

[renaissancewoman101]

Well, I went and called the ex. He has my bottle of prescription pain medication. I suffer from degenerative disk disorder and have pain meds for that. I left my bottle over there so that when i was over there over the summer, if I need to take pain meds for the pain, I had them there.

 

I called him at work, he was courteous with me and seemed happy to hear from me. He asked me how I was doing. I told him I was doing fine, busy as hell, meeting new friends and doing stuff with a guinea pig rescue. I then told him that the weather was changing and that I needed my pain pills back. I told him he could keep the phone for the time being, and that I had to talk to him about the money he owed me. He was ok with that, and he reiterated that all he had been using was my free night and weekend minutes. I think he is afraid that I want my phone back.

 

I then asked him when I could get my pills. He told me that I could come down tonight and get the pills back, since his parents were out of town. He told me that he had to pack tonight. I think he is going somewhere over the weekend. He then told me he had to go.

 

I hope I am not opening up a can of worms by doing this.

 

People tell me I should dress up before going down there to see him.

[juicyfruitmama]

Holy crikey girl!

Get your phone back pronto! Why should you believe that he's only going to use it during the free hours of the evening/weekend? And why are you even letting him still have privledges!? Take the phone away before you get a huge bill in the mail for his lack of respect he's obviously showing you by keeping something that isn't his. A real person (be it man or woman) would stand on their own two feet and figure something out, not use their ex's generosity. That makes me angry.

[renaissancewoman101]

juicyfruitmama, I monitor his phone usage very much. Plus he is an honest, nice, upright guy. I have dated him for two years and never has he really taken advantage of me and my generosity. The reason for our breakup was due to: 1) my insecure nature; 2) my attachment to my best friend; 3) the fact that we had very little in common. He has had the phone for over a month and he has used only fifteen of my day minutes. I check phone records on a daily basis because I wanted to see if he was seeing another woman. Also, he doesnt get off work till 6 PM and my free minutes start at 7 PM. I think he may have found a new gf from how long he calls a particular number for.

 

Well, I am back. Am I pissed about the whole thing of going down to see the ex, yes and no. I realize that yes I still do love him, but it isnt as intense as it was before. Him dumping me hurts and I would like to have him back (if I had to be honest, would be gratification of my ego - I did not like being dumped by a guy who was always dumped by other women - I am the first girl he has ever dumped). Now that hurt. I do want him back because he is one of the nicest guys I ever dated. He never went out of his way to hurt me. Always took care of me as best he could, was there for me always, courteous, etc. Perfect gentlemen. He put a lot of effort into the relationship. I know that because I had lost my feelings in Feb, and he tried hard to get them back for me, after Feb, he chased me hard, but I lost interest, until he dumped me. Then it felt like the world fell in around me. We shared little in common, he liked toys and video games and childlike things. I liked adult things like going out to eat, traveling, etc.

 

I did the whole thing wrong tonight. I ended up trying to convince him to come back to me. That didnt work. I tried to convince him to give me a second chance. He doesnt want to because he doesnt see any hope in it. Did I cry about it, nope. I should have been strong and told him to his face, that I dont need him, etc. Should have acted like a b*tch to him and told him that I didnt care, then maybe he would come back. Dont understand him. He has been in my shoes many times being dumped by girls all the time. Now he had to go and be the dumper, he should know how it feels. I know he is one of the most compassionate guy I ever met.

 

I still cant believe I threw him away. If I had not changed my feelings for him in Feb., we could still have been together. I wish my feelings had not changed. I had never had that happen to me before with anybody. I loved him so much in the beginning. Then one day in Feb, I took a look at him and realized that everything he did drove me nuts and I couldnt stand him. Tonight, when I hung out with him, some of the stuff that he was doing, was irritating like of old. Even when my feelings changed, he tried to be there for me always, taking care of me, hoping to regain my love. It was only after I treated him like crap because I didnt know how to deal with my loss of feelings, that he dumped me.

 

He is going to a Halloween party this weekend with a bunch of Faire people. I should try to talk to the guy who is having the party and get myself invited. I need to meet people and find a new bf, preferably someone HE knows, that way he can see how it feels to be shafted.

 

I dont understand how I could do this, lose my feelings for one guy. We shared little in common but he truly did love me at first and he always treated me as a woman should be. He lavished time, attention, and gifts to the best of his ability. I was just used to a certain way of life and he couldnt give me that because he wasnt used to it, and because he made so much less than I did.

 

He still has the cell. I dont care anymore. I am most likely going to move to LA soon to get away from all this crap.