yes, another question about being lesbian or bi or straight

[oliviabenson]

I'm sorry to post another question asking about one's sexuality to total strangers who probably have no better clue than I do. But, what can I do. I need help!

So here is my situation:

I started to think about girls when I was 14 years old. The strange thing was, I never thought there was anything odd with this. It was like a totally separate thing from the rest of my life. I still had little junior high boyfriends, etc. (of course with no pre-teen action) As, I got older it never entered my mind that I could be anything but straight, except for when I..eh hem..(don't know if I should be vulgar), I was always thinking about women.

It wasn't until I was 18 that something clicked and I thought maybe, just maybe I could be bi. However, I never wanted to act on this. I continued to be with just men, the only thing, the only time I would ever hook up with a guy was when I was drunk. When I was sober, I didn't want anything to do with it. But, when I was drunk I was enjoying it for the most part. As, I went through college, I thought about women more and more and men less.

But, now...I am kind of torn. I talk to guys and I think..mm..this could be ok. I am wondering if me thinking I could be bi or a lesbian was me having a really active imagination..is that even possible?? I mean thinking about actually..being..bi or lesbian creates this like personal dissonance (if that makes any sense?), I feel like its not me. I feel like other people have these moments were they wake up one morning and go, "yes! that's it! I'm gay!"

I just feel like I am almost 23 years old now and I should have this figured out right? And, I know that people will say, "just go with it, be yourself"..but I think at a certain point in life, shouldn't you have a sexual identity?? And, not be completely clueless? Or maybe I should seek psychological help. lol.

Thank you to whoever answers this.

[jackknive]

Ah the confusing world of human sexuality. I am bi. I like guys. I like girls. I think about both.

 

Most lesbian or bi girls start to think about other girls at about 14. Guys is about 12. There is no norm. There is no standard. Most girls dont experiment till 17 or later.

 

You gotta be honest with yourself.

 

Do you like guys or girls more. (some people who are bi go thru periods of liking exclusivly one or the other. But on a general basis... which is it), or is it about both equal.

 

Its a confusing thing. But you gotta be honest with yourself before you can ever begin to sort it out. Sometimes, you might be totally open to the LGBT croud, but at the same time never be able to see your self as it. Need to have a certian state of mind I think.

 

your 23 big deal. There are people I know who figure it out at 50 something.

 

I would contact the LGBT center in your city. They have free counciling services that can help you sort stuff out a little. Sometimes over the phone or email. People trained in it, or people who have been there.

 

If you want to talk anytime feel free to add me to msnm or email with email removed

[Tigris]

I think you should take a look at my personal posting called IT'S TORTURE! in emotions and feelings.

 

The best thing you can do is NOT put a label on

yourself.

 

You can PM me anytime. I'm on MSN as well, just ask for my address.

 

Take care.

[L8RISER]

My "yes, i'm gay" moment came after I had sex with another guy. No questions after that - I knew it was right for me. The only way you'll ever know is by trying it out. You said you never wanted to act on your feelings. I think really you probably feel like you can't/shouldn't act on your feelings. If you're thinking sexually about women all the time, then do something about it! The curiosity will get you at some point; might as well happen while you're young and you have your whole life ahead of you. We can't go back in time.

 

Labels seem to have a bad rep. I don't think there is anything inherently wrong with labels. It depends on how you use them. They can divide people, but they can just as easily bring people together. How far would gay rights have gone if nobody stood up and said "I'm gay"? I thought I was bi for the longest time. But that was because I hadn't allowed myself to do anything with another man. After I did, I realized I was gay, and in calling myself gay, I found a community, and friends, and in fact a cause. It wasn't weird and I wasn't alone in how I felt. I wasn't a straight/bi person who thought about men all the time, I was gay - it was normal. I wouldn't change that now even if I could.

[oliviabenson]

Thank you all for the advice!! Maybe I do just need to put myself out there and actually find out.

[jabele]

I feel like I'm exactly the same place as you. I feel like I use alcohol to be able to enjoy being with men...I do fantacize about men, but I've also always been attracted to the female body. I always felt I was somehow different from other people..even from bisexual girls who are just open to sex in general. I feel like I'm so closed off from my sexuality. I know how you feel though...I'm 22 and I feel like I should have figured it out by now-- or that maybe just 'assuming' I'm straight all these years makes it hard for me to realize that maybe I'm not? I don't know.

[AzureSkyes69]

Sometimes it takes awhile to find out who you are,it might take a lifetime.

but there is nothing wrong with that.I love women I like men.

Put it this way I could see myself spending the rest of my life with another woman..but not with a man.

So I guess maybe most people could say I could easily jump the fence and stay on the lesbian side..I totally agree.Do I want to make that choice now? No.

I find the right relationship with the right woman I will stay with her forever.

 

This is somthing an actor said in a interview about sexuallity(makes alot of sense to me).

 

"It's weird, it's like I said in the movie, some of us don't care to be defined by our sexuality. It's so weird to nail that down," he says, considering his words. "I think people are attracted to other people that hold something that they're looking for, people that can help them grow. I don't necessarily believe that has anything to do with whether you're gay or straight or male or female. I think there are many different kinds of falling in love and being in love and compassion. It's hard to define people sexually I think, much more difficult than we realize.

"People want to categorize each other; they want to feel like there's more solid facts about people when I think people change all the time. They're different from moment to moment to moment. We're all alike in the way that we're all completely different." -Kett Turton.

 

"Firewall","Blade 83","Saved!","Kingdom Hospital".

[Tigris]

It takes a lot of time and patience to work out who you really are. The worse thing you could do is to label yourself.

 

It took 2 marriages and 30 years for me to realise I'd been a lesbian in denial! Hopefully it won't take you as long?

 

Good luck