SilenThunder Posted October 19, 2005 Share Posted October 19, 2005 My girlfriend and I have been dating for just over 6 months now. Things are going good, we've had some fights and disagreements but we're still together and our communication skilles are getting better as well. Here is our latest issue, which isn't going to be resolved any time soon I'm sure. My girlfriend has many friends (guys and girls), however there is one guy friend that stands out from the rest. I met him the first time I met my girlfriend and he was a jerk then much as he still is now. He is naturally arrogant, ignorant, a jerk and he enjoys insulting everyone around him to make himself seem better. That is his personality and I dont get along with people like him. I dont associate myself with people like that, I love my friends and I enjoy how kind, caring and nice my friends are to me. This kid is not nice to me. A few months ago, I learned that this friend had a crush on my girlfriend 6 months prior to our dating, when we started dating and he still has a crush on her today. This is despite the fact he has his own girlfriend. This friend calls my girlfriend every day and sometimes more than once in a day. It can be in the afternoon, the evening or 11:00 at night when she's in bed. Because of this I get jelous and I have told my girlfriend that. Why doesn't he call his own girlfriend? Why does he always have to call you? Why are you friend with him if he's so mean? Why do you always have to talk to him? I trust my girlfriend, she reassures me that nothing is wrong and i'm the only guy for her and stuff liek that but at mention of his name I am filled with rage and hatred and an annoyance that make me just want to scream in my girlfriend face and tell her to go to hell (I dont of course). She told me she is friend with him because she understand he doesn't have alot of friends. When asking her why, she replied with, "well, he's a jerk to most of them" and I said so why are you proving my point? And she just told me that she has learned to put up with him and realize he's joking and that I should too... But I absolutely can not. I talked to her about choosing between me and him, but she said she would break up with me and I have no right to make her choose between her and her friends (she is sort of right, that is why I didnt make her choose). My problem is I get so angry whenever she's talking on the phone with him and i'm sitting there watching tv. She doesn't have alot of time to talk to her friends so when they call I just let her talk to them because we are together alot of the time (I have no problem with that). But when this guy calls her and i'm sitting around I get so mad at my girlfriend. He will call her cell repeatedly or her home phone repeatedly until she finally calls him or answers back. He will let her cell ring for 30 rings (not joking) and sometiems my girlfriend is nice when she know I have a mad look on my face and ignores the phone. I need to know what to do... My girlfriend will not let me approach him, and she has made it clear that I am her boyfriend and he will never get a chance with her. She has told him that I dont like he, but her's a jerk so he just calls anyways... I dont know what to tell my girlfriend, I love her dearly, I dont want to loose her but I have almost broken up with her over it and she knows it. She does apologize when she's been talkign to him and she is very nice about it but the fact of the matter is he's still calling and its still making me SO ANGRY!!! HELP!!! What do I do! Link to comment
beanpaper Posted October 19, 2005 Share Posted October 19, 2005 Meh, you have to make sure she understands how angry it makes you. And that that anger isn't going away and she needs to do something other than occasionally ignore his calls around you. You need to compromise. Obviously the guy isn't going away, but maybe she could, out of respect for you, seriously limit how often she talks to him. Link to comment
TRAUMA Posted October 19, 2005 Share Posted October 19, 2005 OK! ..Just because shes not your wife(yet)..you can not demand..(and i mean "demand") a stop to this nonsense..But she is someone you care about, thereforeeee she should respect the way you feel about this "phone B.S...understand???...She should tell this kid that "his phone calling" is pissing you off, and thereforeeee, if hes got something to say to her ,it can be said in your presense..and dont fall for the "privacy" B.S. Remember this: Theres NO SECRET in a healthy relationship..Good luck! Link to comment
heloladies21 Posted October 19, 2005 Share Posted October 19, 2005 Nothing you can do but let it go. Her friends are her decision and the more pressure you put on her, the more she's going to want to break up with you. If that isn't a good enough reason to calm down, I don't know what is! Link to comment
SilenThunder Posted October 19, 2005 Author Share Posted October 19, 2005 She keeps no secrets from me, if I ask her any question she will provide me with an honest answer. So, in a sense I should not worry too much but I guess it is just my nature to worry and be jelous... Thanks for your replies. Link to comment
Taurean Posted October 27, 2005 Share Posted October 27, 2005 Out of respect for you and your relationship, she should minimalise the calls from him. She should make it plain to him that its inappropiate as it makes you feel angry about it. Notice the wording "her" as in her responsibility, as a previous poster noted, its her right to choose her friends. However, you might want to ask yourself, why she indulges him when she knows it makes you uncomfortable? Is it because it makes her feel desirable in others eyes? Its easier for her to tolerate this "kid" as she knows that he has a crush on her. What if he didnt have a crush on her? Then the calls would seem "weird" and she'd feel uncomfortable. So imo, I'd say that her interaction with him is reaching an intolerable level on your emotions and she should care better for you than to indulge her own ego. Link to comment
Country Garden Posted October 28, 2005 Share Posted October 28, 2005 She is being very disrespectful to you by even talking to him. Reason is this guys has a crush on her and you and her both no it.. Put your foot down with her before this gets out of hand. You are being wronged here. I could just see my boyfriend dealing with something like this. He would break up with me and I would not blame him. This guy is doing this to come in between the two of you and she is letting him do that. If she can not see this then it might be in your best intrest to get out of this relationship, and you have nothing to fill quilty about if you do it. She is in the wrong here, plain and simple, if it were just a friend that she was close to ok. but this guys is takeing this to far, "A Crush" A crush that is destroying the relationship between you two. If she wont stop this you can, break up with her. Link to comment
SilenThunder Posted November 9, 2005 Author Share Posted November 9, 2005 Thank you for your responses... Link to comment
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