Leaving again but in a crisis - should I tell him?

[friendly_fairy]

As I mentioned under my topic 'What can I do but wait?', me and my long-distance boyfriend have stopped talking a week ago after we had some complications because he blamed me for not trusting him enough.

After the conversation, he said he needed time to 'cool down' and I haven't heard from him since.

 

Now I'm about to move again, next week, to a place in Canada (I'm in Europe, right now) to study. He knows I'm going to move next week, but he doesn't know the exact date.

Before we had our argument I was becoming a little too clingy and needy and I can tell it must have annoyed him.

Now, I am probably going to have internet access right away, so there won't really be a change.

So if he doesn't call or mail until then, should I tell him when I'm about to leave? And if, how can I do so without looking like I was pursuing him?

 

Have I already broken too many [/i]Rules...?

 

Thanx a lot for your help!

[girl_83]

I understand so well when people tell me, or talk about being clingy and needy. I am one of those people and most times i wish to God i wasnt, but i guess its just the type of person we are. They can either love us for it or they can get annoyed as most do unfortunately and leave.

 

If i were you, and i did not hear from him.. i would leave him a quick msg or a simple email, just telling him where your going and when, i would also just let him know that he can get in contact with me when he is ready to talk. Nothing over the top, just quick and simple.

 

Good luck hun

[friendly_fairy]

Thanks a lot! 8)

 

I think there must be a way out of this, though, for both of us...it probably has a lot to do with acting. Or at least with testing how far we can go. I actually pushed this guy away at the beginning - this might be a bit of an extreme example, but I actually almost ignored him for 5 months before we got together - and he still wanted me.

Of course that was only because my love for him grew gradually and very slowly, but he was patient enough to wait.

 

Sometimes I have a feeling like that is actually what they want most of the time. They want to see that you have a life appart from them. This makes you look terribly exciting, admirable,and, yes, mysterious.

 

I think it's probably easier than we might think - you just have remember the last time you were single but happy. Remember the goals you had, think of the many things you can do without a guy by your side.

Think for example of an interesting hobby or an extreme thing you always wanted to do by yourself - like getting a tattoo, learning how to scuba dive or ride a horse. Go for the things that are comforting - like a good book or look at the very different kinds of role models prime time TV has to offer - no kidding - within the past 2 years I've learned a great deal about relationships from Lorelay Gilmore...

[friendly_fairy]

I guess I could theoretically survive just ignoring him for a while.

 

The actual question would probably be:

 

What would be worse for our relationship - telling him or not telling him?

[BlueMan]

the clingy needy thing sounds about like what happened to me. i was just in an aol chat one night and some random girl imed me wanting to chat, so i did. then she liked me more and more each day and i thought she was pretty cool too. well this happened in febuary and it took until sept 2nd for me to meet her in person, before i felt comfortable or said i love you or anything. my feelings grew very slowly but once they hit it was a bang.

 

i asked why she was pushing me away and she said 'i must not realize im doing it but i think its because im not used to all the love you give'. when i was not too worried about her she would call me all the time and she would email me twice a day and instant message me all the time etc.. now she wont even write me an email and acts funny, but when i back off things go alot better. give that a try, keep it simple dont go too in depth with your love.

 

p.s. always remember there is a guy out there who would die for the attention you give this guy. so if this doesnt work out its not the end of the world just take it easier next time. good luck