friendly_fairy

Shysoul, thanks for all the support, but I'm afraid the situation is hopeless. I have not received a single e-mail or phonecall for almost a week. Not to mention he didn't come to the party. After all the positive responses, all the things we seemingly had in common, I'm afraid he wanted me to play hard to get and I probably made the mistake of spilling too much of my private life at once. I however find what he is doing unacceptable. If he doesn't want to come to a party I invited him to, he could at least call to tell me 'no thanks'. I was intrigued with his seemingly beautiful personality, and what I perceived as intelligence and honesty. He claimed he had always been careful not to hurt anyone, always thought everything over to make just the right decision. He made me believe his mind depended on moral and that he always wore his heart on his sleeve. I remember him telling me that he only wanted for me to be happy and he convinced me that he just couldn't let go of me, no matter what. I can still remember the way he would look at me and I'm asking myself what had happened to whatever this one-week relationship actually was. I'm sure that it certainly wasn't my fault. Something happened. But I have no idea what. I think it has something to do with self-respect, but I can't call him. All I can do now is move on.

Thank you, shysoul! You were right when you said not to worry, since he did call and we have been on another date, so far. I think he still really likes me, though in his presense, I have the tendency to get shy and akward. Last time we met, it got hard for me to form entire sentences (as opposed to our first date, when we had those very deep conversations), I was stuttering, and coming up with unnecessary conversational topics whenever there was a silence. I think I've really made a fool out of myself. I don't want to seem predictable or show my affection too much. But then again, just the same, we couldn't stop kissing when I *tried* to get out of his car. I think I really want to be this mysterious woman he might have imagined me as when we first met, but it isn't working. He said he would come to a Christmas party at my place, tomorrow, but hasn't called since Thursday (last time we met), though he had promised to. I know a good first impression accounts for much, but how quickly can it be destroyed?

Hey, all. I have moved, now, and I'm finally ready for a new relationship. And just like fate, last Friday at a party I met the greatest guy I could ever meet. Three years younger though amazingly mature, kind, intelligent and handsome. After we had talked for al most an hour, he offered to drive me home. Since we both didn't feel like going home, though, we stopped at a cafe and continued talking. We talked about some rather personal things and got very close. When he dropped me off at my place, we suddenly kissed for quite a long time, and after realizing we both had never done this before at first meet, we kissed again. We had exchanged e-mail addresses before and the next evening, I received an e-mail from him telling me how much he had enjoyed the last night, that he had not really been planning on kissing me, but that there had been something about me that just took him over. He also asked for my phone number. I felt very flattered and happy and answered him the next day. He indeed called me the following afternoon and we agreed to meet again in the evening of the very same date to watch a movie at his place. Again, once we had started, we couldn't stop kissing. Everything went very fast. Though we agreed to wait with sex, we got very close to actually forgetting about it. Needless to say, I don't remember much of the movie, and luckily he had seen it before. When he drove me home, it was hard for me to even get out of the car. He said he would call me the very next day in the afternoon and hoped that I would be there. He however didn't call all day. In the evening, I decided to write him an e-mail saying that I had forgotten to return the gloves I had borrowed from his mother (which was the case) and that I had very much enjoyed the previous evening. Nothing more, nothing less. I haven't received an answer to this e-mail, yet, either. He's having a few days off work, at the moment, and I was looking forward to going out with him before Christmas. I feel like I'm really desperate for him to call or write. I'm also afraid of loosing him already. Do I even have a reason for this? I know I must be overreacting. How can I stop being so restless? I really need some help.

Okay, just for the record, the so-called 'break' has been dragging on for over a month, now. I've now summarized all the things he ever did that hurt me and I'm honestly asking myself why I ever gave him that second chance. I am going to tell him it's definitely over once and for all when he tries to contact me again. Surprisingly the decision hasn't been hard at all and I'm even happy about it. And here's a note to all you guys out there: If you've ever had any fights with your long-distance girlfriend and suggest a break - don't. If it gets too long, it'll only drive them away from you since you're giving them too much time to think it over. There's always a risk they never want to see you again, so be very careful and always honest. As for my case, I know one thing for sure - I can do better! Much better.

Angel, you can make a difference all by yourself. The world is much greater than any of us could imagine if we should ever sit down and think about it - and so are the possibilities! Ask yourself why you have come to this forum - could it be because you somehow knew there would be a way out of it? Think of your childhood. What are the things that used to make you happy back then? Is there anything you ever wished for in your life? It's a shock to see that you are only one year younger than me and already want to kill yourself. There are billions of great things you'd never experience if you should give in to your depression, now. You were strong enough to come to this forum and seek help - this means that you are strong enough to fight...just give it a try and see where it will lead you. You can only win if you chose to live.

Sorry, question has been answered. Please ignore my last post.

Normally, I'd think so too, darkblue. Problem is, I'm now going through the whole 'no contact' thing with my boyfriend who says he needs time, but claims he doesn't want to break up with me. So theoretically, how long can 'no contact' within a relationship be maintained without damaging it?

But what does it mean when you're still in a relatioship? Can it save something?

Exactly what I'd like to know. No Contact seems to have become a very commonly used term when it comes to relationships. Is there actually some proof it's worth doing. And for how long? What are the pro's and con's?

I guess I could theoretically survive just ignoring him for a while. The actual question would probably be: What would be worse for our relationship - telling him or not telling him?

Thanks a lot! 8) I think there must be a way out of this, though, for both of us...it probably has a lot to do with acting. Or at least with testing how far we can go. I actually pushed this guy away at the beginning - this might be a bit of an extreme example, but I actually almost ignored him for 5 months before we got together - and he still wanted me. Of course that was only because my love for him grew gradually and very slowly, but he was patient enough to wait. Sometimes I have a feeling like that is actually what they want most of the time. They want to see that you have a life appart from them. This makes you look terribly exciting, admirable,and, yes, mysterious. I think it's probably easier than we might think - you just have remember the last time you were single but happy. Remember the goals you had, think of the many things you can do without a guy by your side. Think for example of an interesting hobby or an extreme thing you always wanted to do by yourself - like getting a tattoo, learning how to scuba dive or ride a horse. Go for the things that are comforting - like a good book or look at the very different kinds of role models prime time TV has to offer - no kidding - within the past 2 years I've learned a great deal about relationships from Lorelay Gilmore...

As I mentioned under my topic 'What can I do but wait?', me and my long-distance boyfriend have stopped talking a week ago after we had some complications because he blamed me for not trusting him enough. After the conversation, he said he needed time to 'cool down' and I haven't heard from him since. Now I'm about to move again, next week, to a place in Canada (I'm in Europe, right now) to study. He knows I'm going to move next week, but he doesn't know the exact date. Before we had our argument I was becoming a little too clingy and needy and I can tell it must have annoyed him. Now, I am probably going to have internet access right away, so there won't really be a change. So if he doesn't call or mail until then, should I tell him when I'm about to leave? And if, how can I do so without looking like I was pursuing him? Have I already broken too many [/i]Rules...? Thanx a lot for your help!

Wonder what SuperDave 71 would say about that... That guy seems to have a great reputation on this forum.

Thank you, redandblack It's good to hear a guy's opinion on that issue. See, for most of the time, he thinks I trust him much less than I actually do. So it's up to me to convince him and I think this could be easily achieved by making a simple promise. And of course I'd like to tell him my solution to the problem right away, but I guess you're right about not going after him being a good idea. I'll just wait until he writes me an e-mail, leaves a message, or calls. Now I left a simple note on messenger saying I wanted to set things right and ending with 'just leave a message' last Friday. Can that be counted as 'going after him', too? Just curious...

Thank you for your replies! He knows the reasons for my move and there is no problem with it. I know exactly what to tell him, but I don't know when I can talk to him again. He always choses to be invisible to everyone when on messenger, so I never know when he's online. That's why I always wait for him to write me as soon as I'm online - and he usually does so immediately. I was online, yesterday, however (three days after our last conversation since he said he needed time to 'cool down') but he didn't seem to be there. So far he has always done things for me, has always been there. This is why I feel so insecure now that he's not. I have no idea how long I should wait, now, until I go online again. I can't be there every night and I have a feeling I'm making a fool of myself, if I haven't already... I told him to leave a message on my account, so there shouldn't be a problem, I guess. I know all of this sounds like a little, unimportant problem, but I certainly hope he is not losing his faith in me. I will certainly consider your kind words, beanpaper. They have helped me a bit already.

Hey, I'm new to this forum and honestly glad to be here. I'm currently in a complicated and quite unusual relationship. It's a pretty long story and I'm trying to make it short. Last March I broke up with my boyfriend over a trust issue in a very uncommon situation. After I had moved away, however we made up again (all online) and he even talked about commitment - but now we have trust issues, again. I will have to move again, soon, to a place even further away (halfway around the globe, that is), but even now that we are not so far away from each other, yet, things are getting weird. We have just been through another strange situation together and I doubted his credibility once again. I am ready to make a promise to always trust him in future, no matter the situation, but during our last messenger conversation, he got angry and seems to have stopped talking to me though he said he would talk to me soon. He also seems to suspect my parents to talk to his boss behind his back, since my mother and his boss are very good friends and my mother hasn't always trusted him either. I explained to him that she has never done and would never do that, but he doesn't believe me. Now, within the past week, I have made the mistake of sending an e-mail, calling him once, and, after he wouldn't talk to me, leaving a message on his messenger display, then logging off quickly. I do not really believe in the Rules, but they sometimes prove to be true. I'm afraid he is never going to talk to me again. What can I do but wait?