Hopeless

[darkblue]

vous m'avez donner un place le plus proche qu'un endroit ou je m'a sentie saufe que j'ai trouve au course de ma vie. merci. avec tous ma coeur, merci.

~Heather

 

For anyone that doesn't have the best French knowledge in the world.

That roughly, translates to:

 

You have given a place nearest to me, a place of safety which I have to find with the rest of my life, thank you with all my heart, thank you.

 

French isn't my best language - if anyone can correct me, please do.

 

Now, more importantly.

Heather, we want to know if you are Ok.

[Outcast-Angel]

i'm still here. i don't understand how or why, but there you have it.

sorry about the french.. sometimes i slip back and forth between english and french. think in english, but write or speak in french.. or vice versa. dark blue's translation was close enough.

[sonjam]

Outcast, thank you for talking to me.

 

I want to re-affirm the statement that I made" we are not all bad, we have nothing to gain by trying to sabotage your life, we care and we want to be here for you". Please let us!

[darkblue]

Good.

I'm glad you are sticking around.

Please PM me.

[Outcast-Angel]

So it's been 8 days since.. my last attempt. for a couple days i was ok, and now i know i'm starting another downwards spiral. i dropped out of university. i can't do it. i was stupid to think that i was ready for that. i don't know how i'm going to tell my dad. he's going to be so mad, and disappointed. and i'll have to tell him a reason why. i don't think i can tell him the real reasons. it'd be so hard on him to hear them.

i tried to make an appointment with my doctor today. turns out she moved to Toronto a couple of months ago. i don't know what to do. i know that the obvious answer would be to find another doc. but i don't want to find a new one. it took months to find the one i had, and i didn't even really trust her. this blows.

[sonjam]

Outcast, don't dispair, maybe the next one you find will be even better, and just the right one for you, maybe it's been so hard to go to one, because you haven't found the right one! If you want any help finding a good one, I know ray-kay knows your area, and would be very glad to help!!

 

I'm so very glad that you are considdering going to a doc, I PROMISE it is a step in the right direction. You and I know it is horrible feeling this way, and if there is stuff you can do to make it go away, well it's worth a try isn't it?

 

You know it is the depression that is causing this downward spiral, so try and fight it, difficult as it may be. DON'T GIVE UP! We will be here for you.

 

Will send you a mail via e-mail, so we can continue to chat, o.k?

[Outcast-Angel]

I'm so very glad that you are considdering going to a doc, I PROMISE it is a step in the right direction. You and I know it is horrible feeling this way, and if there is stuff you can do to make it go away, well it's worth a try isn't it?

 

i wasn't making the appointment for this stuff.. i have to go for my cancer check-up.. i'm supposed to go every 6 months. maybe i just won't go anymore though. i hate going. and then having to wait 2 weeks for them to tell me they still can't tell if i have cancer or not.. it's stupid. and a waste of my time, and energy.

[RayKay]

I'm so very glad that you are considdering going to a doc, I PROMISE it is a step in the right direction. You and I know it is horrible feeling this way, and if there is stuff you can do to make it go away, well it's worth a try isn't it?

 

i wasn't making the appointment for this stuff.. i have to go for my cancer check-up.. i'm supposed to go every 6 months. maybe i just won't go anymore though. i hate going. and then having to wait 2 weeks for them to tell me they still can't tell if i have cancer or not.. it's stupid. and a waste of my time, and energy.

 

Outcast, it's not a waste of time.

 

I know for me they found pre-cancerous cervical cells when I was 16, it took three years of repeated visits (every 3 months) and 4 or so surgeries (everything from laser, to leep, to freezing) to get rid of it....and after three years I had the all clear and only go once a year now and I have been fine since. I know too many people whom have gone through cancer, and often because they did not go get checked out, it's definitely not a waste of time.

[Outcast-Angel]

i started going just over a year ago, and at first they made me go every 4 months. i don't know why they made it every 6 months now. but right after they changed it, they mailed me all this stuff about cancer. i still haven't read it. i honestly don't want to know. if i die, i die. but knowing how badly things can go can actually have a negative effect on the disease.. the mind makes things real, you know? i'm not going to find a new doc before i was supposed to have had my checkup. just thinking about having to start this whole thing all over makes me so nervous i feel nauseous.