what do you think?

[cinderella jones]

There is this new man in my life who is really sweet and has a good heart. He is one of those men that I know would never hurt me. I really see that within him and trust that about him. The thing is when we are intimate he seems to be really shy with me. The weird thing about that is that he is gorgeous, and one would think that he would have no problems in that area, However, when we are intimate he wants to hear me talk and I do..i love too talk...but when i ask for the same thing from him he shys away. He has GREAT equipment if you know what I mean...so I want our sexlife for this reason to be awesome..but I feel like he may not know how to use his equipment properly..and that he definitley shys away from being uninhibited with our sex life...how do I handle this?...I try to talk to him about it but he gets all weird and acts like there is no problem..I don't want to demasculate him in anyway so how do i speak with sensitivity?...I want to teach him how to be with me because everyone is different ya know...but honestly (and this is to all the women out there- he is HUGE)...I love it...but he hasn't had too many relations with people and I feel needs to learn how to use it..lol....Someone please give me some feedback...do "huge" guys have problems because they are too HUGE????

[darkblue]

Sometimes it's too big that it hurts some women.

 

But if it's a problem, talking is all you can do.

Approach him sensitivly and caringly.

 

I don't normally advise this; but maybe some alcohol to loosen him up?

Not so much that he doesn't know what he's doing.

[cinderella jones]

yeah I have tried alcohol...but he seems the same..lol...He did tell me that he has hurt women in the past so he feels reluctant to get wilder in bed ..but I told him that he has not hurt me in anyway ..and that he should feel comfortable...he did tell me that he love when i talk to him..but i know he shys away from talking to me or getting loose with me...I am not sure how else i can approach the subject..

 

i am a very sexual person and I want to be satisfied and satify my partner as well....

[Bethany]

He's just different to you. Accept him for who is is and take the pressure off him to talk about it, he obviously feels uncomfrotable so leave him be and things will improve and he may even open up in the heat of the moment and talk the way you want him to.

[cinderella jones]

i would leave him be but I don't think ignoring that will resolve anything...I mean we are both adults so we should be able to talk about these things especially since he seems serious about us ya know. I also am afraid that If ignore it ..it means I can be taken advantage of...I mean he might not bring up any issues with it b/c it could be a deeper issue on his part and I may be in the dark for too long about it...

[smallworld]

I try to talk to him about it but he gets all weird

and acts like there is no problem..I don't want to demasculate him in anyway so how do i speak with sensitivity?

It's difficult to talk about sex as is with someone new, but the best way to speak about these things is outside of the bedroom when things are going well between you. Tell him that you need to speak about a sensitive topic, but that you just want him to hear you out and not interrupt, because it's really important to you that you be fully understood. Use a lot of "I" statements tell him that you're a very sexual woman and that you really love him, but that you have needs that you've been afraid to discuss because you thought he might take them the wrong way. (Keep the focus on you and your needs and the coaching will be easier for him to take.)

 

At this point I recommend telling him what you do love about him sexually. He really needs to hear that he has what it takes to make you happy in order to be open to learning new skills. Tell him that it's been a fantasy of yours to be with a man of his size and then tell him what that fantasy entails... The more details, the better! Just make sure that this discussion is about how you imagine things and not about what he has or hasn't done for you, so that he doesn't take this as a challenge to his masculinity.

 

If you like "talking", he needs to see and hear exactly what types of words turn you on This is best done not by giving him a list of words, but through entertainment. Start by renting movies, reading the naughty parts of sexy novels together, and surfing the net for "bedtime" stories that involve your predilections. Positively reinforce him when he makes tentative attempts to meet your needs. Never correct him. Just keep focusing on what he's doing right and make the learning more fun by talking to him as you wish to be spoken to. (i.e. Ask him questions like "Do you want to _x_ me?" and then encourage him to answer not with a yes or a no, but in the affirmative with "I want to..." statements.)

 

i would leave him be but I don't think ignoring that will resolve anything...I mean we are both adults so we should be able to talk about these things especially since he seems serious about us ya know. I also am afraid that If ignore it ..it means I can be taken advantage of...I mean he might not bring up any issues with it b/c it could be a deeper issue on his part and I may be in the dark for too long about it...

Being taken advantage of? Hmmm. Interesting interpretation. I find that those with the deepest of trust issues need to be taught how to open up. If you really love this guy, teach him by example. Always start with what you both have in common - your love for each other and then go from there. This way every discussion is approached and received as a matter of what's in each other's best interests vs. criticism/selfishness.

[TheVindicator]

Have you had sex together?