Is he attracted to me?

[Lily04]

There is this one guy who always stares at me, but I don't know if he likes me or not. He was a TA for a class I was in, BUT he wasn't my TA. I've never actually spoken to him before, but he talked with students around me once, and I felt a sort of chemistry between us. He has a similar personality to mine. Once in class I felt like someone was staring at me, and then when I looked behind I saw him looking at me, and then he looked away. Then I was in the dept. near the end of summer and he was in the office, and saw me and sorta got shocked and started fumbling, and nearly dropped his books.

 

I exchanged few words with the secretary, then went outside and just looking at the dept. bulletin board. A few mins. later he walked out of the office and started walking but then stopped completely and stared at me, like he was perhaps thinking whether to approach me or not, but then walked in the opposite direction.

 

I saw him yesterday by accident, and we just looked at each other, but not like staring, we just passed each other...

 

Should I try striking up a convo. with him? I don't know what to say really... I think my TA might have talked with him about me (??) and that's why he's interested. I was quite charismatic in that class... I could get a class of 200 engaged in minutes. But what would you suggest I say? He wasn't my instructor, I don't really know him. Should I be like "hey, you're a TA from ___, right? Did John say something to you about me or something? I feel like I know you..."

 

I don't know.

[teddyboy]

Whatever you say will be fine.

Keep in mind that for you to notice him looking at you,you must be looking at him an awful lot too.

 

Someone's got to break the ice,and if you wrote in the forum about it,personally I think it should be you.

Come on now,I know you've got the power.

[darkblue]

He sounds shy.

He always looks at you - he gives off signs of interest.

 

Talk to him!

 

I think the proposal you suggested is perfect. It's only an ice-breaker.

Good Luck.

[Lily04]

Keep in mind that for you to notice him looking at you,you must be looking at him an awful lot too.

 

 

NO!!!!

 

lol. Actually this is not exactly true, heh. The first time I only really looked at him because he nearly dropped his books when he saw me. The second time I wasn't actually looking at him, I just felt someone staring and then caught (out of the corner of my eye, since I was looking at the bulletin board), him looking at me. When you have someone just stop walking and stare at you, it's sorta hard not to see...

 

But I usually make a point not to look at people... because I don't like them knowing I like them back. That's stupid though, isn't it? Maybe that's why I always have trouble with flirting... I do it very discreetly because I don't want the guy to really know I like him, I like to keep it ambiguous.

 

But do you really think it sounds like he might be interested? I'm always horrible with this stuff, so if you people give me confidence then I might go up to him and say something. I've just been hurt a lot in the past, where I've liked someone and they were taken or something, so I guess that's why I'm so hesitant about flirting and such.

[djedix]

just say "hi"

[Lily04]

Yeah, but then you'd have to say something else to start the conversation... I don't know, maybe it's different at my school, but the undergrads don't really associate with grad students a lot, or look at each other as friends (except for masters students, they're cool. But Ph.Ds like to stick together...) so he'd be wondering why this UG is talking to him. Maybe. It'd be like walking up to a random prof. and saying hi, in a way. Except profs. are usually nicer to UGs since they teach them.

[habitual_loser]

It's either this volume or volume 124, but there was a series of two or three collumns on the subject of undergrad/graduate dating.

 

link removed

 

I believe the upshot was "go for it."

 

Only big reccomendation I have is to try and coordinate it so that you two don't wind up taking/TAing the same class. If it can't be avoided, be upfront about it so that he doesn't wind up grading your problem sets or grading your participation in reciations and tutorials. Review your school's policy on the subject first, and actually look the guy up to make sure he IS a grad student.^^

 

As for 'shy': he might feel a bit lecherous for finding someone a few years younger than him interesting. If the attraction is returned, you may find that not to be true. Or, he could actually just be shy.

[Lily04]

Hey,

 

Thanks. Well he's not my TA (and never was), so there's no problem there, it doesn't conflict with any school rules. It's really unlikely that we'll end up in the same class as well.

 

And your point: "As for 'shy': he might feel a bit lecherous for finding someone a few years younger than him interesting. If the attraction is returned, you may find that not to be true. Or, he could actually just be shy."

 

I think the first assumption is probably true; just from seeing him talk with other students, he doesn't seem the 'shy type' at all. I also found out that he was a student Don for a residence at my school, so he gets along well with UGs, I think. Why is he shy with me, I don't know. Once in class though he came up to this girl sitting beside me and started enthusiastically talking to her and I was annoyed b/c I was trying to copy down mock exam questions on the board (he was blocking my view), and gave him an irritated 'excuse me', and then changed seats. He sorta just stared at me. And then the next lecture he was staring at me again, and when I caught him, he looked away. I still suspect that my TA might have told him about me (I got the highest mark in the class..) or why else would he be interested? but then he never talks to me... maybe he has a gf. He is a few years older than me as well, probably in his late 20s (I'm 20 yrs old.)

[Lily04]

ok... so the general consensus is: go for it? I have no idea how I'm going to meet him though, I don't have any classes with him... hm..

[habitual_loser]

Look him up on your schools directory. Then either call him or, if there is a room number listed, pretend you were looking for some OTHER room number that doesn't exist, run around frantically, stumble past his door - glance in, double-take, then fall over. Works every time.

[Lily04]

haha, that is halarious!! Well I googled him and found out that he is a student Don. So he lives in residence and gives advice to undergrads who specifically want to pursue political theory (or I suppose, any area of politics in graduate school.) But he specializes in political theory. I don't want to e-mail him and ask to set up an appt... (what you're supposed to do if you want to meet) because that just doesn't seem right, and I'm also not part of that residence. But if he has an office... it would be cool if we conveniently bump into each other. I also have a class in that residence (there's one large lecture hall in it) so we might see each other. It's possible, I guess.