I made a huge mistake

[sweetheart230]

I broke no contact with the guy who was using me for sex. Last year he used me, manipulated me and emotionally abused me, but this year he promised things are different. Then, after he begged for "one last chance" he stood me up on our date. And I said Id' never speak to him again. But, I broke no contact.

 

He told me he didn't want meaningless sex, thats why he didn't show up, and thats what would have happened...although before he said that sex between us was "meaningful".

 

He promised me he would never hurt me again and that he should get one more chance. He said he is so sorry for hurting me and that there is just something about me that makes him want to keep seeing me. Sex always was uncomfortable, but the foreplay was really good. I miss it so much and I don't feel comfortable with anyone else. He says he will take his time with me and teach me things- that it will feel good and right this time. I miss feeling close..I miss the way he touched me.

 

He is in California now, and he emailed me and said he wished i was there with him. For some reason I keep being obsessive and scared that he is there with another woman. I keep having visions of him wisking her away for the weekend and being romantic and sweet with her...all while breaking promises to me. I have no idea why I think he is with soemone else. There is no indication that he is. I just keep thinking crazy things.

 

He says I overthink things. Maybe it would feel good if we could just have sex. Oh, I just don't know anything anymore. I was doing fine..meeting new people and happy for the first time since i can remember. But now I keep picturing him treating another woman well and taking her with him to california and I keep wondering if maybe I can just do this cause it feels good.

 

I miss his touch so much. I don't know what to do. I'm driving myself crazy.

[Beec]

Sweetheart, we have been through this before. Leave him alone.

[kimkim72]

Please leave him alone. You can find a meaningful relationship where your at. You will continue to think about him but it will gradually subside. Trust me I've been there and done that. All your doing is making yourself stressed out over this guy and I'm pretty sure he's not stressed. He was that good in bed for you to be head over heels like that.

Your still young GET OUT OF THIS ALL YOUR DOIN IS HURTING YOURSELF.

[sweetheart230]

He was actually terrible. I've just never felt close to anyone before. The sex itself hurt a lot.

[notmyself24]

hes not worth it- you will find someone who loves you. We have all been there & you knew what it was all about- please stop thinking that there was more- he is an a-hole. Whats worse is women (including youreself) let him act this way so he will never stop. he sounds like a misogynist (sp?) of the worst kind...be strong & who cares if he's with another woman- sh's just his next vicitim- this man is not looking for love or a meaningful relationship- he has issues & is out to hurt women- believe me, there are guys out there who know how to treat women: just go out on a date with a nice guy (I have) & even if it leads to nothing, but a so-so date, so be it! At least you will not hurt anymore.

[Mrocza]

Telling you to ignore him is pointless since you know that is what you should do, yet you've failed to do it.

 

The problem is your idea of your self worth. Do you seriously think that lowly of yourself as to have no respect for your feelings to associate with a guy that treats you like dirt? Don't you think you deserve more?

 

You may think that he's the only guy that you can be with but why is that? Once again, goes back to your self-image. You need to get past this a-hole, stop listening to his bullsh$t and trying to justify it.

 

There are PLENTY of fish in the sea. BELIEVE ME. And it's better to be lonely than treated like dirt. You are better than him and you know that, so why don't you SHOW it by cutting the prick off.

[Bethany]

The man you really long for is out there waiting for you to get over this lowlife abuser so he can be with you.

He's out there so go find him honey. Start with a dating site and see how many sexy goodl ooking available men there are out there for you. It's one of the best ways to get over him and move on and have some FUN in your life again.

[RayKay]

As others have said above, we have been through this all with you before sweetheart....this man is NOT worth it, you are condoning such cruel behaviour on his part. He is even excusing his cruel behaviour and actions towards you.

 

STOP WASTING YOUR TIME WITH HIM.

 

STOP THINKING YOU ARE POWERLESS.

 

START WORKING ON YOUR SELF ESTEEM.

 

There are plenty of men - good, amazing, wonderful men whom will respect, love, care, give you wnat you need. And as long as you hang onto this guy - for such a small shred of reason that you do....you are never going to find them.

[sweetheart230]

It isn't about my self worth, anymore. I've gone out there and payed attention, and men stare at me on the street. I'm angry for what he's done. I don't think I deserve it. There are other men in my life who are starting to be interested in me (I was doing so well for a while...I was not thinking about him).

 

I just miss him. I miss feeling close with him. I know there is someone better for me, but I find myself wanting to believe his lies. I know I'm lucky that I realize how horrible he is. But, that doesn't make me miss him less, ironically. I still miss the feelings he gave me when we were together.

 

I'm trying my best. Thank you for helping me. I just had a weak moment.

[volution]

Abusers don't just hurt the ones they abuse - they hurt those that care about the ones being abused too...

 

BTW, it is so ironic, your situation is almost identical to someone with the same name as you on here...

[volution]

Deep down, you don't miss *him* - you miss what he made you feel like.

And you believe you won't feel like you used to feel ever again, unless it is with him. (I experienced this after my only relationship).

I admit from experience the luring temptations of the flesh (touch, warmth, physical union) can sometimes overpower our hearts and make us seek out or try and redeem abusive wasters.

 

You HAVE to get over it, otherwise if you were to reunite with this scumbag after he has finished ruining another girl's life and comes back to you to beg you to have him back, you might end up dead or near death.

 

Think of the poor soul out there pining away for his true love, lonely and hurting, waiting to but give his gentle, tender kind love to you.

And until you tear away the metaphorical cords that bind you to this evil man, never the twain shall meet...

[sweetheart230]

You're right, it is the feelings he gives me that I miss. They are fading somewhat, but I still have weak moments, obviously.

 

I suppose sometimes its just difficult to comprehend how you could give so much to someone who had so little to give back.