technical question about gayness

[teddyboy]

I have a cousin who says he lived with a man for ten years,had all sorts of sex with him and still knew he was straight.Could that really be possible?

I mean,somehow,in my head, I just find it impossible to believe that a man could have a sexual affair with another male for ten years without being at least bi.

I'd like knowledgeable opinions about this question please.

[RayKay]

I'd say no....

 

My brother (whom is gay) had heard people who say this, and even slept with men who said they were straight, and does not get it either.

 

I saw an Oprah show once (I really don't like her, but caught it one day while sick at home, honest!) about men on the "down low" - a culture of men whom are married, with women, whatever and sleep with men...but call themselves straight.

 

The definition of heterosexual or straight...is liking and sexually being with the opposite sex, the definition of bisexual is being with/liking both to some degree, and gay/homosexual is liking/being with same sex. Sure there are variations of all along the scale...but if he spent that much time with a man...its strange he would say he was straight.

[L8RISER]

Where they in prison???

 

No to straight. Yes to bi, or gay.

 

Com'on you knew the answer!

[Beec]

Few people probably remember this, but I am with Andrew Dice Clay on this one. If you are a man who did it with a man, by your own choice, you are not straight.

[kellbell]

Wow, I have NEVER heard of a man sleeping with another man while he considers himself straight. I would think he was at least bi. But then again, different strokes for different folks.

[Dannysgirl]

Um no, if a guy has sex with a man then he's bi or gay no two ways about it.

[teddyboy]

Thing is,he claims he did everything.Even kissing.

He always comes accross to me as bi though;there are certain mannerisms about him and things that I can see.He also looks extremely youthful for his age,he's 29 going on 15,and I'm not exaggerating.

However,a brother of mine says that he believes that our cousin is straight,and that you can have a sexual realtionship with a man when that bond is so strong you want to please the gay party,but that doesnt mean,according to him that you're gay,just "homo-flexible".

If our cousin was gay,he says,he'd be out looking for other men when in fact he has a girlfriend.

Oh well,guess we'll never know.

 

[Day_Walker]

Its a hard issue to tackle but I believe it has to do with their perception. There are negative attributes imposed on people who are gay or bisexual and I believe that these people feel the need to avoid those stereotypes but they do enjoy engaging in homosexual activity. Self image can be an important thing to particular individuals so this kind of behavior doesnt surprise me.

[RayKay]

"homo-flexible"?? Kind of like being "sorta pregnant" or "kinda dead".

 

He is probably bisexual if he is also interested in women then. Just because he also likes men does not mean he will be out looking for them if he is also interested in women and has a girlfriend.

 

What straight person, male or female, would just sleep with someone if they have NO sexual interest in them just to please them???

[Dannysgirl]

What RayKay said, I was thinking exactly the same thing!

 

Teddyboy, would YOU sleep with a gay man 'just to please' him?

[teddyboy]

What straight person, male or female, would just sleep with someone if they have NO sexual interest in them just to please them???

 

exactly my thought as well.

Oh well,I just had this friendly bet with my brother about this and It definetely looks like I'm winning so thanks to all! 8)

[Day_Walker]

I dont really think that it has to be about pleasing the other person. Lets just say that a certain guy liked having anal sex (pitching or catching, it doesnt really matter). I believe that its possible that its just about the act itself. I believe that what makes a person homosexual is their desire to want to be with a person of the opposite sex, where the relationship they have with them is tied to emotions. I dont know how common it is for men to experiment with other men but lets just say women for example. If a woman has a sexual experience with another woman does that make her homosexual? I personally dont think it would make her a lesbian but I fell that if she had a desire to be with this other woman for nonsexual reasons then that would satisfy the requirement of making her homosexual or bisexual if she still wanted to be with men.

[teddyboy]

Interesting theory 8)

[L8RISER]

I'm gay and I'm with men for non-emotional reasons now and then. I don't consider those "straight" encouters thus making me bisexual!

 

Yeah, you have one or two experiences with the same sex at one point in your life, you may not be gay, or even bi for that matter. "Catch" and/or "pitch" for 10 years...not really experimentation anymore.

 

Are you straight, Teddy? Would you would you "pitch" to a guy?...just don't kiss!

[UT]

"Um no, if a guy has sex with a man then he's bi or gay no two ways about it." I see this or similar answer but I'd just like to say that you don't need to be bi or gay to have sex with someone of your own sex. you could be experimenting but you don't experiment for ten years.

 

Being homosexual is not only about having emotions for people of the same sex, it is as well desiring sexual contact with someone of the same sex. I can have feeling for a girl. I can like a girl, I can love a girl but not in a sexual way. Thus I'm most likely gay. As gay I can love a guy too but not necessarily being in love with him.

 

I have a friend whom I love but I'm not in love with him. He's a fun guy. But no one I think I ever could fall in love with.

 

Your cousin is probably bisexual but not willing to accept it. Or he has accepted it but just can't label himself as anything other than straight. Maybe he needs to hear it from someone else or maybe as someone said (I think) he just likes the act itself and just want to have some fun. No harm in that. He gets his needs satisfied. I don't think his "play mate" cares whether he's gay, bi or experimenting. Confusion like someone just coming to terms with their sexuality or is feeling these homosexual urges but is not sure of what he is. That is cute, very cute.

 

P.S gayness is a cute word.

[rosalyn1223]

i dont know but i have a simliar question to teddyboy's, ok one of my friends was straight n then a guy randomly asked him out n he said yea...so they went out n had sex n did other stuff....then they broke up n then he went out w/this girl n he seemed happy then he went out with this other guy..n broke up with him then later on back with his ex all while dating this girl...but the a little while after that told her her that this other guy likes him n she said it sounded like he liked him to but then he said he is done being in that world....but after everything he has done ot her can he really be straight again or will he always be BI after having sex with a man???

[Dannysgirl]

If it was experimentation to decide which team he batted for, then no I would not say he was gay but the original poster made his cousin sound like he was having regular sex with his gay friend for ten years - that would suggest to me that he is either Bi or Gay.

[teddyboy]

Yes he did dannysgirl.That's my point.

I wish there were surefire,tell-tale signs so we could know who's gay or not.

I mean,I know there are the usual ones,but a lot of people dont wear their life on their sleeves so to speak.

Thanks to all who responded.

[novaseeker]

Homoflexible = bisexual, really.

 

The thing is that there is a difference between sexual preference and sexual/affectional orientation. Sexual preference can refer to certain sex acts: let's say a guy is attracted to women but likes to 'catch' in terms of anal sex. Now that's perfectly doable with the assistance of sex toys, but relatively few women want to play 'pitcher' in the bedroom with their bf/husband, so he may end up sleeping with men from time to time because that particulaar sexual preference is satisfied there. IMO, that doesn't mean someone is gay or bi. Gay or bi means, to me, at 'attraction' to, and in particular an emotional/affectional attraction to, people of the same sex either more or less exclusively (gay) or in part (bi). If you have a series of emotional romances with someone of the same sex and it has all the parts of a romance (including physical affection and, maybe, sex), then you're gay or bi, whether you admit it or not.

[L8RISER]

I don't think there is a difference between sexual preference and orientation because I don't think there is such a thing as "preference" when it comes to sexuality - you like what you like, no chioice about it.

 

I like guys. I have annual sex with guys. I could never have annual sex with a women...just wouldn't do it for me. By the same logic, if it DID do it for me, then I'd be bi. You can't remove the act from the motivation to commit the act.

[novaseeker]

I don't think there is a difference between sexual preference and orientation because I don't think there is such a thing as "preference" when it comes to sexuality - you like what you like, no chioice about it.

 

I like guys. I have annual sex with guys. I could never have annual sex with a women...just wouldn't do it for me. By the same logic, if it DID do it for me, then I'd be bi. You can't remove the act from the motivation to commit the act.

 

Eh .. but what I'm talking about are, say, the straight guys who fantasize about being taken by women ... for example, dominatrix fantasies. These folks are not gay, and may very well like anal sex. Liking anal sex does not mean you are attracted to men, contrary to what a lot of folks may generally think.

[RayKay]

I don't think there is a difference between sexual preference and orientation because I don't think there is such a thing as "preference" when it comes to sexuality - you like what you like, no chioice about it.

 

I like guys. I have annual sex with guys. I could never have annual sex with a women...just wouldn't do it for me. By the same logic, if it DID do it for me, then I'd be bi. You can't remove the act from the motivation to commit the act.

 

Eh .. but what I'm talking about are, say, the straight guys who fantasize about being taken by women ... for example, dominatrix fantasies. These folks are not gay, and may very well like anal sex. Liking anal sex does not mean you are attracted to men, contrary to what a lot of folks may generally think.

 

But then wouldn't you find someone (a woman) who shares the same fantasy or compatibility...rather then find a man if you are not gay?

 

I don't know, seems a bit odd to go be with a man because you want anal sex, but you declare that you are entirely straight.

[novaseeker]

But then wouldn't you find someone (a woman) who shares the same fantasy or compatibility...rather then find a man if you are not gay?

 

I don't know, seems a bit odd to go be with a man because you want anal sex, but you declare that you are entirely straight.

 

Oh I agree. I think men who have sex with men but identify themselves as straight are really somewhat bisexual ... but not bisexual to the point where they would have a full-blown relationship (or want one) with another guy (which is more the clinical definition of it), because they aren't attracted to guys emotionally and physically.

 

What I was responding to was the idea that there wasn't a distinction between sexual preference and sexual orientation, because I think there is one. I think you can be a straight man who likes to receive anal sex, although finding a compatible partner is an issue, that issue doesn't change your sexual orientation. So I think we agree ... sorry for the confusion.

[L8RISER]

No matter how long I had gone without sex, I would NEVER NEVER EVER have anal sex with a woman. EVER! The thought of it grosses me out! (sorry girls - nothing personal) I am an exclusively gay man, so conversley the opposite should be true of a truly straight man (no annual with a guy.) I wouldn't even touch a plastic butt if it was moulded from a woman.

 

I believe the clinical definition of bisexuality is actual someone who has SEX with both genders, emotional bond or otherwise. I know many, many, many gay men who have sex with other men, and don't want a relationship, full-blown or partial. So they might not really be gay after all?

 

There may be different degrees of bisexuality, but you either is or you ain't. Once you step over the just-experimenting line, you are in the realm of bisexuality.

 

My sexual orientation is gay. thereforeeee, my "choices/preferences" in sex are gay. Same, same. If I "choosed" to have annaul sex with a woman, then that would speak of my orientation.It is only in extreme situations were this may not be true, ie prison. But then they don't have a choice -period. So in that case its not about preferences. Unles you are in an exceptional circumstance, your choices do dictate your orientation, or rather, truly the the other way around.

[teddyboy]

This,ladies and gentlemen,is a crazy world we live in.

And I do believe that as a whole we're still learning about sexuality.

0X

I sat and spoke to my cousin about this thread and he just laughed.

Hence I saw the laughter as an open door and decided to probe a little more.

He says that no,he doesn't like men to the point of considering himself gay;he did it with that man because he loved him very much and still does as a person,whatever the hey that means.

He doesnt discount that he may have another encounter with another man;but in his words he'd never look for it.

He says he has about a 20% physical attraction to men,to be bisexual in his mind is to have an equal amount of attraction to both sexes.

He enjoyed the sexual experience,but he says he finds an encounter with a girl more exciting because they're more vocal.

 

All that being said,I still think he's bi

For instance,he'll come to my house on some nights and talk to a girlfriends of his for and hour and a half on the phone,but the central topics will be things like soap operas,books and the like.He weighs about 122 pounds and looks like a boy,thin voice etc.

At 27 or so,he's never had a steady girlfriend either.

So,either I'm imagining things or I'm right.Only life will tell....