Turned down before I'm even in the picture?

[huszar]

So I'm decent looking guy, average height, average build, nothing's really wrong with me...yet in my social groups I'm having no success at all in the dating world.

 

I'd say I'm a pretty smart guy. I work as well as go to school, so I have money now especially after a few promotions and will have a good paying job when I finish college.

 

That being said, I have no clue what's wrong. I get the feeling a lot of girls see me as damaged goods or something. My friends try to hook me up all the time and the girls always pass on me and try to get with my friends. It sucks because I end up becoming the butt of a lot of jokes when it comes to my apparent ineptness with girls. I wish I could say it was my social skills, but I'm in a frat, and I work customer service, so I'm awesome with people. Everyone thinks I'm a good guy.

 

Even the trashy girls at my frat parties don't hit on me unless they're severly trashed. It's like they know a dirty secret about me, except there isn't one. I've been rejected more than I can count, and have never succeeded in chasing after a girl. My only "GF" was someone who came onto me and used me for money while she waited for someone better.

 

After a few years.. compund that with missing all of my high school dances because no one would agree to go with me, and missing "couples" only things that my friends like to do is realllly starting to make me really sour, and even somewhat hateful towards women though I don't show it.

 

What really worries me is the promise that "it'll come", and that I just have to wait. I find it really insulting that I should have to wait for people to choose me as if I'm a leftover option. Being picked last is not a tempting proposition. I feel like I'm behind a glass wall because the people who I am attracted to (women) simply regard me as not good enough for them. Like they want to have all their fun in their younger years, but that fun doesn't include me.

 

My parents are starting to become mildly concerned. They always ask when I get back from school if I have met anybody and I always answer "No". At first I think they thought I was gay but I'm not. But they're attempting to steer me towards people themselves, and it isn't working either. I've even tried online dating, but with failure and a couple bad stories to boot.

 

How am I supposed to endure this? I watch people meet mates with relative ease...break up and find someone new within a few months who, even if it's not a serious relationship, at least enjoy my friends for the people they are. I feel like that if I'm going this long alone there's a serious problem.

 

Would you say it's true that maybe some people are meant to be alone? I've given up chasing and feel guilty for being attracted to women because I get rejected so frequently and feel that any attraction I keep will just make me feel worse about my situation.

[Bethany]

At your age, EVERYONE is experimenting with EVERYONE ELSE so don't take it personally.

And I don't think that anyone is meant to be alone. There is more than one person for everyone. So try not worry about it too much and maybe stop letting friends set you up and find your own girl. It may take time but it will stop you feeling like your second best or something. Your not. Its just bad timing or the wrong person, who you wouldn't want to be with anyway.

Brush off these negative feelings and just get on with life until the INEVITABLE happens, and it will. It will come when you stop worrying and looking for someone. Life is like that. And so is love.

[dave_1966]

Huszar, Bethany is kind of right. You're thinking too hard about it. When I've been like that women have run a mile. It's when you're comfortable with yourself and don't give a damn that women come flocking, they pick up on confidence and want some of it for themselves. Work out at the gym, buy some new clothes, and start thinking about how you feel about yourself more. I'm no expert on this, but having had a few relationships and seen how and why they failed I am now taking the attitude that i never get rejected, I merely find out if a girl has good taste or not. If I don't think like this I'd get down about things also! Seriously. And, you're only 20.

[single4good]

Sorry I dont agree with either of the 2 post above. Ofcourse he is thinking about it...would you be if you were 20 years old and never had a member of the opposite sex show interest in you? I can completely understand you because I have been tossed into the same situation as yourself....hell you could be even typing my life story except for the fact I am 25. I will be honest there is no answer to your problem. Just hope one day a girl will come your way. People have been telling me the "its just a matter of time" story for 8 years now. Obviously I dont buy that line and would laugh in anyones face who was to tell me it. There is certainly no garuntee you will ever end up with anyone. There is no garuntees on life full stop. It may happen but it also may not just the luck of the draw.

[Markers]

Just sitting around waiting something miraculous to happen.. is just plain dump. If nobody hasn't showed any interest to you yet, something just must be wrong, and you must be able to find a way to fix it.

 

No-one you asked to high school dances would go with you? Perhaps you asked the wrong people? Are you going only for the absolutely best looking people? They might be shallow and might not like you because of mysterious reason X.

 

If you asked pretty much everyone out, and nobody would go with you, you need to change something in you. You don't tell here how you behave around girls so I dunno, it might be your attitude. Are you sour? Are you a wuss? Are you a too nice guy? Are you boring, overly arrogant, boasting with your achievements...? etc. etc.

 

Ask yourself those questions, because if you're looks are okay, people should not have a problem starting a conversation with you. Maybe there's something in your personality that drives people away as they get to know you? It's really difficult to say as I don't get to see what you're doing and how you behave..

[heloladies21]

Friend, don't give up. Lots of people get discouraged about this subject, but this is a skill to be learned like any other (playing a sport, an instrument, etc.). In truth, most guys aren't very good at getting girls, but you just need to alter your technique. I'll pm you a really good site for help with this. I used to be horrible too, but I learned and I'm still learning and it's working.

 

Anyone can get good at this, you can too.

[Massari]

look.. most of us in this forum are all in the same path.(want to find out perfect match) . same as I am.. I am a year older then you.. no big deal.. confidence is all this is what I know.. the days which I am pissed of .. dun feel like talking to anyone are when I get the most attraction from girls.. and looks is not important.. looks will only get you so far.. I have an issue with this// I tend to think looks is everything and it's not.. I am a good looking guy (based on what ppl told me) and yet my confidence is very low when in comes in girl.. I tend to look around me a lot and for some reason this is not good.. (lick checking everything around me and apparently this is not a good think) one of my close female friend which hooked me up with someone and it didn't go too well told me that let the girls do the choosing .. not you.. when you start checking around you it reduces your confidence. now I dun mean to ignore things around you NO DON"T DO THAT!! but paying too much attention isn't goo either.. I tend to analyze the crap out of everything.

 

I need tips too .. myself.. but this is what I have learned so far and I want my brothers to be ahead of me..

peace mate.. hope this helps

[RayKay]

Just some points...

 

One...why would you miss all the high school dances just because the people you asked said no? I mean, why not go anyway?

 

I know thats a small part of your post, but it struck out to me that despite all the things you say about yourself, you do not feel complete right now without someone, and that therein may lay part of the problem.

 

Many people seem to be able to pick up on when someone is looking for someone for the wrong reasons. Do you ask out or approach girls whom you are genuinely interested in, whom you build a rapport with, or are you waiting for them to come around, or just asking anyone out because they are there? Do you ask them out because they are hot, or because they are nice, or well...why?

 

I have no doubt you ARE a great person, but there is SOMETHING that may be turning others away, or there may not be. It might simply be you have not met the most compatible or right person yet...don't assume that just because one guy has had lots of partners means he is any happier..some people will date lots just because, when none of them are really right for them..just to have someone. I dated fairly regularly since I was younger, had a few longer term things..but you know, a lot of them were frustrating, painful, not right and I lost myself. It was not until last year I finally met someone whom was absolutely RIGHT for me. Yes I dated, but that did not mean I was not "alone".

 

Have you ever asked any of your friends...a trusted friend...what they might think might be the "issue"..sometimes are friends can see us in a way we don't see ourselves.

 

No, you should not "wait around" of course not. You should be out there...but living your life for YOURSELF. What people mean when they say wait...is just have faith. I know its tough, but not everyone is meant to be at the same place in life as everyone else. I know you feel like at 20, you should have had more experience, but honestly, at 20 you are still young, you are still learning about yourself (never stops really), and other peers are doing the same and are at different places.

[huszar]

I appreciate the advice.

 

It's just a crappy situation for me. I'm almost 21, feel like I'm going on 30 because I have a lot of responsibility on my shoulders. Like I said, I'm a smart guy. I feel like I have a lot of good qualities but people at this age don't care. I'm an intellectual at heart, and I figured I'd run into people who appreciated that, but I really haven't, so I've kinda had to hide it to even converse with some girls.

 

I guess one of the big things is that it is kinda a blow to my ego. A girl walks up to me, and starts talking. Usually it's "Is your friend single?" *Grumble* Sure.

 

Trust me, I know where I stand on the food chain. I'm kinda biased towards attractive people anyway because I think most of them have bad traits, so I have no problem settling. But it doesn't seem reflexive. I have no clue why people would think right off the bat that I ain't up to par, especially when the girls ain't so hot themselves. It's like a bum turning down a free meal because it ain't made right.

[MetallicAguy]

Maybe your approach is wrong or you have no confidence or something, no self-esteem. I have no idea. Tell us how you'd approach a girl you'd be interested in.

[huszar]

Um, I normally say "Hi". Pick up lines are retarded. It isn't hard to make conversation, it's pretty easy to pick out something that'll interest them. My approach, I don't think it's flawed.