question for men

[cherryblossom]

this question is for the men, and women too i guess anyone that can reply. when men (because this has been my experience) play with a woman's feelings. whetehr it be telling her they love her just to get into bed, pretending to be into her, pretending to be single, just to have some fun time, do they every think about these women who they play around with. what do they feel do they feel bad about doing it, do they ever regret it?

[jordan_2]

most of those types of guys

really don't have a lot of respect for themselves, or simply don't have a consciounce. Either way, they're not the most respectful guys around, no matter how macho it appears to be.

It may sound a bit funny, but if you were with a bunch of guys talking about "this girl that you had sex with by saying i love you", they would all be somewhat cheering the guy on. But once they are alone, i think each of them would ask themselves just what the he!l was so cool about that.

I think that most guys are good guys, its just that once they have to keep up a certain false persona, then it's as if they don't have a mind of their own, or a mind at all for that matter.

[genz44]

Guys like that aren't worth much. The only person they care about is themselves and it doesn't matter who gets stomped on as long as they get their way.

 

I try to have as little contact as possible with these people. Even if I do talk to someone like that, I'm only as friendly as I need to be to not cause any trouble. They simply aren't worth it.

[melrich]

Who knows how they feel. Probably the same as women who do it. We are all not that different really.

[Mr. Cactus]

Who knows how they feel. Probably the same as women who do it. We are all not that different really.

 

Touche 8) My personal experience is that women are like this too For my own part, I'm certainly not letting any women come emotionally close to me for a very long time, if ever again.

[Ifeelsick]

First off Im a guy. I understand how you feel. My only thing to say is that why sleep with someone if he says he cares about you. If he truly does then he will wait.

 

Now I know we all have our needs and urges, but if you fall in to the temptation you have to be able to understand the consequences that can result.

 

Personally I know man and woman who play these games. I dont think its necessary because there are to many diseases out there to take a chance like that.

 

Also, people always say we can have sex with no strings attached, but thats B.S. Whether you have sex or make love you are giving apart of you that not that many people would get. So my opinion, treat your body like a sanctuary and realize that what you have between your legs is precious, male or female. We all hurt the same, We're all humans.

[Miss M]

As a female reading this thread, who's also been mistreated and lied to by a string a guys, I'm feeling like some of you are missing the point of the original poster. And I understand that it's not right to make generalizations about the genders, but I got the sense that the OP wasn't doing that, and is possbily hurting and very perplexed. (She did say this was her experience.) When something is totally unfathomable, it sometimes seems like there is no place to go to for answers. This is obviously very puzzling to her, and it can seem illogical to ask women why guys do what they do, so maybe she thought she would ask some guys to see if they could shed some light. It doesn't mean that she is generalizing, or that she doesn't believe women would do the same to guys. Or consider that maybe in her world the women don't do this.. In my world the women certainly don't behave this way... I don't personally know any. But I do have lots of first hand experience of the guys doing it.

 

And especially, giving a lecture about saving it until marriage also really misses the point.

 

this question is for the men, and women too i guess anyone that can reply. when men (because this has been my experience) play with a woman's feelings. whetehr it be telling her they love her just to get into bed, pretending to be into her, pretending to be single, just to have some fun time, do they every think about these women who they play around with. what do they feel do they feel bad about doing it, do they ever regret it?

Since you asked also for women's input, I'll give mine in a way that is not specific to genders...

 

For those who do this, I'd say they do not feel bad and do not regret because they specifically make of point of dispensing with feeling bad or regreting it. They've developed the ability to toss their conscience out the window so they can get on with the fun they're having at the other person's expense. Disregarding a person's feeling becomes second nature, is just a way of life, and gets to be a mindless habit. It's a form of pure exploitation. Exploitation has many forms, but this is one that just feels especially personal, and confusing, and painful. Unfortunately, too many of us have been repeatedly on the bad end of this game.

[NotMyself]

Just so you know, there are some guys out there who do not do this. I will not, nor have I ever, told I girl I loved her just to sleep with her. I also have never had a one night stand, nor would I.

[Eadgbe]

What Miss M said sounds about right. People are selfish. Guys love to stroke their egos, and successfully bedding a woman makes a guy feel powerful.

 

Guys aren't all like that. I've never had a one night stand, and dont think i ever will.

[Day_Walker]

I believe the guys that do this are looking for instant gratification, hardly anything else matters than them getting what they want. Now they may regret their actions but it doesnt stop them from doing the same thing again. Its a game to them and they are out to get what they want. You prepare yourself to deal with such guys but if you are knowledgable or gullible then you will get taken for a ride.

[novaseeker]

this question is for the men, and women too i guess anyone that can reply. when men (because this has been my experience) play with a woman's feelings. whetehr it be telling her they love her just to get into bed, pretending to be into her, pretending to be single, just to have some fun time, do they every think about these women who they play around with. what do they feel do they feel bad about doing it, do they ever regret it?

 

I've never related to the mindset of guys who do this because I've never really been tempted to do it myself, but I think I understand what the thinking is ... basically it's a person who is very self-centered, and will use/manipulate other people to get what he wants. He wants sex, and he wants sex with you. He thinks he is clever by figuring out a way to manipulate you to give you what he wants. In the back of his head, he may even delude himself into thinking that it's better for you as well, because the sex will be fun for you as well, but that's really delusion. Or he may also delude himself into thinking that you're also a 'player' or that you know it's a 'game' as well. But in any case, the guys I've known who do this are not remorseful about it generally, they do not feel bad about it or regret it and they do it again and again and again, because it gets them what they want.

[jevonj77]

I know some guys like this....usually when they say these things...after the fact they do not think about the girl...it was just that, use these things, affection, words of love and whatever in order to get the prize...

 

Once they got that...they are done...and maybe if they can get you agian they will. No problem...they don't worry about it and it does not hurt them at all how you feel. As a matter of fact, usually when you are the most hurt, they really feel powerful.

 

So watch out for the quick and speedy ones...

[shiminimo]

i play games with alot of women. only because they play games with me and i want to stay ahead of the game. do i have regrets? hell no, most of them are asking for it.

 

but i seriously don't play games with a nice girl.

[jevonj77]

shiminimo is exactly the kind of guy I am talking about...I know a few guys like that...uhm usually they all have their standards as to which girls they would not do that too...

 

Like I know one guy who is Mexican...and he says he would never do that to a Mexican girl or a Spanish one...but the rest...he treats like crap....but some for some reason seem to like this kind of attitude and seem to be attracted to it...and so he does it many times...

 

If a guy needs to have sex badly and has this type of attitude...and you happen to be there and are gullible...he's going to use you for all you're worth and then forget about you...because he DOES NOT want a girlfriend.

[shiminimo]

i'm just a guy, i'm being honest. some girls IMO are just asking trouble. i have dated many girls who have taking advantage of me. i spent alot of time, money and effort on girls who had no feelings for me at all. girls do the same to guys. i just had to learn the hard way. i know the difference now between a bad girl and a good girl. I have lots of respect for the good girls. none for the bad.

[cherryblossom]

thank you for this insight. you have answered my question. I think from now on I will not be so gullible with men. It is hard to do because ideally one should be open when meeting a new person. Why begin a new encounter wtih doubts, or with negative expectations. I think I'll just make an effort to get to know the person more before becoming emotionally attached. Thanks to everyone's comments. feel free to post more, especially from those men who have actually done it, I am just curious as to why and what goes through your minds. But like I said any feedback welcome.

[cherryblossom]

for those of you who do play the game, I thought it would be interested to know what are some of the common scenarios for a girl to get taken for a fool in. what are some of the common things or actions that guys do to make a girl think they are into her, when they are really only after a good time?

[Jadtt]

This just happened to me, and I'm thankful for this post.

 

What do they do?

 

They get you when you are vulnerable, they make you feel special and beautiful, they make you feel like you are the most amazing woman in the world. They open up to you with their feelings to a point where they themselves appear vulnerable. They real you in by saying all the right things, the EXACT things at the exact point that you are thinking the same thing. Then, when they catch you, they turn around and ditch you like you are garbage. They turn the tables after they have come on so strong and pretend like you are "needy" or "clingy" or even "smothering". They get you into a position where you are confused and axious, wondering what the heck you did wrong. They pretend like they have all these wonderful things to do and you are all of a sudden holding them back. Then, they break up with you.

 

They have no feelings because they are so self-centered and selfish they are only thinking about getting their instant gratification.

 

And the worse thing is, after all of this happened to me, I am normally smart enough to not fall for such cheap tricks. But, the guy that did this to me, is a really good friend of a very close woman that I know and I trusted her judgement when it came to him, that I instantly put my trust in him.

 

And, after all the pain I've gone through, I realize I should have listened to myself when I was thinking "I'm waiting for the other shoe to drop".

[Miss M]

Hey, Cherryblossom, I thought you had gotten discouraged and given up. Nice to know that you're still around.

 

And Jadtt, your story has such a familiar ring. But usually I realize it's not what I signed up for, and then I'm the one trying to get rid of them and they won't leave. But all the rest sounds very familiar.

 

And just so the guys know that we know, I'll say once again that we're still not saying all men are like this. We're only talking about the ones who ARE.

 

And thanks to those guys here who are being helpful and honest.

[melrich]

I'm feeling like some of you are missing the point of the original poster. And I understand that it's not right to make generalizations about the genders,

 

No I am not missing the point. I made the point about making the question gender specific because the answer to her question...broadly "how do guys who act like this feel?" would be the same if the question was "how do women who act like this feel".

 

Some will feel guilty, some won't care, some will take pleasure in the pain they cause, some will want to make recompense, some won't even realise what they are doing etc. etc.

[Miss M]

I'm feeling like some of you are missing the point of the original poster. And I understand that it's not right to make generalizations about the genders,

 

No I am not missing the point. I made the point about making the question gender specific because the answer to her question...broadly "how do guys who act like this feel?" would be the same if the question was "how do women who act like this feel".

 

Some will feel guilty, some won't care, some will take pleasure in the pain they cause, some will want to make recompense, some won't even realise what they are doing etc. etc.

Melrich, I know you've written other helpful advice on this board, and I appreciate that you care enough to devote you efforts to moderating, but sorry, I still disagree with you on this one.

 

Who knows how they feel. Probably the same as women who do it. We are all not that different really.

The way it looked from here, the original poster asked a bunch of questions, and then a mod came along to dismiss the questions, shifted the topic to women, and then was immediately followed by others who were also dismissive, also shifting the topic to women, also judgmental and self-righteous. And besides that, the thread very quickly went off-topic IMO. And yes, all of that seemed to be to really unhelpful, and missing the point.

 

But now there are other posters who have come forward who have been able to answer the original questions with answers that seem genuinely helpful. Even one has come forward and admitted to being the like those who do what she was asking about, explaining his reasons. So are you also dismissing what they've all offered? And are you also dismissing the OP's subsequent expression of appreciation? Well, I guess it's okay to do that, that it's your prerogative to dismiss the reality of others, but I still don't get how that's helpful. After all, this is a board where posters come to get help, right?

 

You seem to be saying there is no way to know why guys do what has been discussed here. You're entitled to believe that and also have every right to write that, but some of us obviously feel there is more that can be said about it than what you've written.

 

"how do guys who act like this feel?" would be the same if the question was "how do women who act like this feel"

And this seems to assume that she knows women who act like this and could consult with them. I have no idea about whether she knows women like this, but I don't know any women like this and wouldn't know where to find them, so I wouldn't think that answer is helpful because that doesn't seem to address her original questions. But like I've already written, I HAVE known men like this. And it seems some other men here have known some of them too.

[melrich]

You seem to be saying there is no way to know why guys do what has been discussed here

 

No you miss the point of my post completely. My answer to her question was who knows how they feel. Everyone has diffeent motives for their action, just because two people act the same way does not mean they have the same feelings or motives around those actions.

 

The point to men and women is instructive, not dismissive. If you believe that people have different agendas and emotions based on gender you are asking the wrong question.

 

The point was meant to assist not dismiss...the original post.."who knows how they feel, (everyone is different). Probably the same as a woman who acts like this (it is not gender based, you can use your own feelings as a guide) thereforeeee as a woman if you feel that if you acted like that and would feel bad about it you can assume that's how many men re-act.

 

And yes I am against gender stereotyping, although I knew that was not the posters intent it still sends subliminal messages. Had it been a male poster asking why do women act this way I'd have responded in exactly the same way. There are too many members on here who seem to have an underlying belief that this all all a man vs woman thing and in my own little way i try to brek that message down.

[cherryblossom]

Thanks, you have all been very helpful. I think what i originally intended was to learn more from people who have actually done it. in particular guys. why do they do it. what are their thoughts when they do it. Yes, this will vary from person to person, so Melrich does have a point. But also as Miss M was saying I was looking to go deeper than that and really explore the reasons why, scenearios, examples, what happens after etc. like i said you are all still helpful.

[cherryblossom]

Also I did not want this to be about gender because like I said, I know that it really varies from person to person, and men and women are guilty alike. But in my experience, it has been with men. So I just wanted feedback, so that I could take all of the answers, and come up with some sort of conclusion, notice patterns, etc. Knowing that this is by no means 99% accurate for all men/people out there, but just out of curiosity.

[cherryblossom]

For example, a previous member "Shimino" (sp?) wrote the comment below, which I found to be very helpful:

 

I play games with alot of women. only because they play games with me and i want to stay ahead of the game. do i have regrets? hell no, most of them are asking for it.

 

but i seriously don't play games with a nice girl.

 

 

Just curious can you tell me why you say some women are "asking for it" and what do you mean when you say you dont play games with a nice girl?