is this wrong?

[kimberleeaa]

My boyfriend chats online all the time. It really makes me uncomfortable. He says that he is doing nothing wrong. But when I come home I will look at the history and I see that he is looking at girls' profiles. It really bothers me. Even if he is not doing anything. I feel like it is in a way cheating. But then sometimes I am like well no he isn't getting numbers or anything and he tells me he does it for fun because it makes him laugh and he likes to sing in the chat rooms. He told me that he won't stop because he likes it, and he says he looks at the girls profiles because he wants to see who he is talking to. I feel like he shouldn't be looking anyway. Now if I even have a guy friend he has a fit. now what is up with that? He says that it is different because he is not hanging out with them. But is it wrong? or am I just making a big deal?

[WickedOne]

i think you should both be a lil more open. And you both need to learn to Trust each other, or else it will just get worst with time.

[twentyOnE]

my ex gf had like 80% of her friend be all guys so she always chatted w/ guys. In a way it bothered me but if you earn the trust then it does get better. Just talk about the issue with him and make sure he's not trying to mack it to other women. If he says he's not, just trust him. Trust is one of the foundations of a relationship.

 

21

[hotchkiss003]

I think respecting each other's privacy is one of the most important things in a relationship. Just my opinion, but if your boyfriend owns the computer then his online history is his privacy. Unless it's an ex-girlfriend or you personally know the chatters with and they are girls that he actually knows offline I don't think it's much of a problem. there's a thing in a relationship called trust and it's not about someone snooping through your privacy, trust would be respecting privacy, same rules for both people in a relationship.

[segagirl]

I do agree with what everyone has said....

But I also think that you and your man define the boundaries in the relationship. You should let him know it makes you nervous, and he should take a little time to respect that. I asked a buddy of mine, a man and he says ( and I agree) that once you are dating, looking at profiles is maybe out of line a little, if you are happy with who you have...why look else where for company? Now people do talk all the time, and its fine to have friends and express yourself to someone other than you're mate...so what you need to decide is: is it causing real problems in the realationship, and could he be tempted to meet one of them? I am a firm believer; don't set yourself up to be tempted...

Do not know if I actually answered anything, just what on my mind

[SwingFox]

Hello Kimberleeaa,

 

First of all welcome to eNotalone.com and thank you for coming to us for seeking advice. I am pleased to read that you are into a relationship with this guy. I understand that you are a little worried over his activities on the computer.

 

The key to this solution is communication. Before anything else: are you satisfied in your relationship? De you feel neglected, because he is on the computer for more time that you would want him to? I have a feeling that this might be an underlying problem that you shouldn't underestimate.

 

My suggestion is that you start to think about what exactly you expect from him. After that sit down, tell him that you love him very much, but that you have a few worries. Explain what your concerns are and what your expectations are. Then listen to him and see if you could meet somewhere in the middle.

 

I hope that this helped you on your way and I wish you good luck in what you do.

 

~ SwingFox ~