Now he wants to see his child!

[zod]

I had an affair got pregnant and had a baby. My husband forgave me and we are starting to repair the damage.

 

Unfortunately, after 3 months of No Contact, I stupidly contacted him (ex). I know really silly! He married his wife when my baby was about 4 months old and I think, he was two timing us. His new wife doesn't know about my baby and he informed me she is pregnant and now he wants to see my child. He's never seen his first child after nearly 12 months.

 

If I am honest I feel upset that he has been able to just move on and get on with his life without seemingly having a problem with it. I feel sad and confused by the thought that he wants to see my child for the first time after almost 12 months, as he refused to see the baby when it was born and he hasn't contributed anything to my child. He told me he tried to contact me a few days previous to my telephone call, but couldn't get through.

 

So why now? Is he just seeing what the baby looks like and then will he be out of the baby's life again? I don't think I'm ready to see him again.

 

What do you think I should do?

[TRAUMA]

For the sake of peace..dont do it!...especially since your husband forgave you..You got to realize that what your husband did and is doing to work through YOUR mistakes is in my opinion one of the hardest thing a human can do today in this lifetime...I admire him, for being ..kind, noble and ...a man..(he's got balls of steel)..I am not sure I could do it. Its HARD!...Forget your past..by that I mean that looser ex of yours, and please dont hurt those who love you , again.. good luck!..

[melrich]

For the sake of peace..dont do it!...especially since your husband forgave you..You got to realize that what your husband did and is doing to work through YOUR mistakes is in my opinion one of the hardest thing a human can do today in this lifetime...I admire him, for being ..kind, noble and ...a man..(he's got balls of steel)..I am not sure I could do it. Its HARD!..

 

I totally agree with this sentiment. BUT. I am not sure how you will stand under the law. The biological father will have some rights. You may be better to meet with him now and discuss the situation (not necessarily with the baby present) rather that risk litigation.

 

Your husband is indeed one very understanding man. However you must live with and accept the responsibilities of your actions. Unfortunately I think that measn you will have to engage in dialogue with the father and try and work something out before it gets out of hand.

 

You never know, it may be that all he wants is to sate his curiosity. Whatever, make contact and get something worked out between you without the involvement of lawyers.

[zod]

Myhusband is WONDERFULLL! He's proved himself over a million times! I am very much blessed to be with him.

 

What rights will the ex have? He is not on the birth certificate and has not had anything to do with my baby since birth?

[Tigris]

If his name isn't on the birth certificate then don't see him. Let him prove through a DNA test that the child is his. If he does this then I would make him contribute towards the child.

 

The good thing about this is you'll see how serious he is about having access to the child.

 

There's always the chance that he's just being curious to see if the child looks like him. Is that worth upsetting your husband again?

 

Good luck and take care.

[melrich]

What rights will the ex have? He is not on the birth certificate and has not had anything to do with my baby since birth

 

If you are sure he is the biological father then he will have certain rights regardless of his name being on the birth certificate.

 

from what you have posted you seem to be in no doubt, don't start talking about DNA if there is no doubt, it will only inflame things.

 

If you are unsure as to his rights in the area you live maybe you should first consult a lawyer, but don't assume he has no rights, he definitely will in the eyes of the law if not morally.

[lady00]

I agree with Melrich. He may have a right to see the child, depending on the law where you are. But if he has rights, he probably also has some obligations such as paying child support. Sit down with him and have a conversation about all of this. Ask him what he wants from seeing the child, what kind of relationship w/the child he is looking for etc. Tell him about your concerns. It's best to talk things over before any kind of conflict can arise. I think you are within your rights to bring your husband along as well since he would probably feel uncomfortable with you going to see your ex alone, given the history between you too and since he is now the stepfather and the de-facto dad since your ex has not been around your baby at all.

[DN]

Another aspect to this situation is the right of your child to know his or her father. The legal and moral rights of the biological father are open to debate - but the rights of the child are paramount.