My husbands Ex is hitting on him

[loveable_hippie]

Okay, I will try to explain everything that has happened but, I have to ask that you bear with me. My husband (Joe) and I go to the same bar every week. We have been going there since we started dating. We usually see his Ex, Patty and I don't mind talking with her and being friendly. In my opinion they had a relationship in the past and they both know that it is over, so we have all remained friends.

 

Last week, I was not able to go out, so instead Joe took my Uncle (Bob) to the bar. When they got home they both told me what happened. They said that Patty had been hitting on Joe the entire evening. She kissed him on the mouth when he wasn't expecting it, tried to sit in his lap, and just wouldn't back off. Joe even told her that Bob was available and she wouldn't take the hint.

 

Fast forward to this week. Joe and I went out with Bob again and this time she came up to us when we walked in. She said "hi" to Joe and gave him a hug but completely ignored me. I said hi to her and she walked away from me. The next day I went shopping at the store where Patty works. When I was done with my shopping and was looking for a checkout, she saw me coming and turned off her register and walked away. I wasn't going into her line anyway.

 

So now I don't know what to do. I could talk to her but I don't want to make a scene, since the only place I run into her is at a bar and we all know how drunk people are so I don't want to embarrass myself. I could have Joe talk to her but he has tried and she ignores him. Or I could just leave it alone, but I don't want this to continue to happen.

 

I know that Joe doesn't want anything more than friendship with her, but I still think her behavior is not appropriate. Anyone have any thoughts or opinions? I would love to hear (read) them.

[GettingOverIt]

Honestly? Why are they friends? What purpose does being her friend serve him? One of you, and I would say HIM, needs to step and and tell her to quit with her charades. Neither of you (you or your husband, I mean) appreciates her flirting (or whatever).

 

If you have to, find another bar....

[Dannysgirl]

Oh dear, looks like this woman wants him back! I would go back to the store where she works and have a 'quiet' word with her while you are sober. She clearly has her sights set on your man and you know how determined us women can be when we want something! I think you should put her in her place. Your husband married YOU, he is with you now not HER and she should be told that is not going to change.

[Hope75]

I agree with others that it seems as though she wants him back, and is either embarrassed that she knows that you probably know how she behaved or sees you as a threat to her ability to get him back. (as she should!)

 

I don't, however, think it is your place to have to speak with her. Your husband should take her aside and explain that he is married, not interested in her and that her behaviour was completely inappropriate and disrespectful to your marriage.

 

If she isn't willing to listen or back off, than I suggest that you find another bar to frequent.

 

It isn't your job to get her to back off, your husband is the one who needs to put a stop to it.

 

Do you think he will do that? Have you talked to him about the fact that this bothers you? What has he said?

[lady00]

I agree with Hope. Your husband should be the one to talk to her. He needs to be firm with her and tell her that he considers acts such as kissing him to be harassment and that she needs to stop immediately. If nothing else works, stop going to that bar. That of course is not the ideal solution as you and your husband should be free to go wherever you please without something bothering you like that. Good luck w/everything.

[BillyJean714]

If I were to ever get into a situation like that, I would be like, "_____. Get the steppin and BACK OFF!" Actually, I wouldn't be too lenient. I think you're being way to nice to her. There is no time to act proper to someone when they can't act proper to you.

 

I agree with the above poster who sked why your husband is still friends with her. She's not a even a true friend because she's being selfish, and violating boundaries. She knows it.

 

If anything, she sounds desperate and pathetic. If she wants to be a home-wrecker, let her know that you won't tolerate with it. Next time you see her, don't even say hi. I know that you're trying to be civil and all, without making a scene, but she will only try to push you around as much as she can. Now's your time to stand your ground and let her know that you won't tolerate her being skanky around your husband. And, I would think that your husband would be a bit more straight up with her. If anything, he's your man, so, I think ideally, he would be the one to tell her to calm down and to stop disrespecting his wife and his marriage. That's just what I think.

[Dannysgirl]

LOL Billyjean I like your style! I think loveable hippy really needs to show her that this kind of behaviour won't be tolerated by her OR her husband.

If anybody did that to my hubby they'd be picking their teeth out of the back of their throat! Not that I'm suggesting violence as way of resolving the issue in this instance!

She does need to be shown/told by both parties that this behaviour is totally unacceptable.

Honestly I think if it were me I would be using scathing sarcasm as a way to embarrass her and get my point accross at the same time...

something like ' so will you be throwing yourself at everybody's husband tonight or just mine?'

 

Hopefully something like that will make her realise that she is behaving in an appalling fashion and she should stop it before she makes herself look any sillier.

[BillyJean714]

Thanks, Danny'sGirl! I think we both can agree that this girl's gone way to far with a married man. In order to prevent a catfight, now that I think about it, I think that it's best for her husband to step up and let this girl know that. If she's dumb and doesn't quite 'get it' afterwards, that's when telling her to her face is a very appropriate time.

 

Loveable_hippie, have faith in 'what goes around, comes around.' Don't allow her to take away so much energy from you. I think that hanging out in a different place is a good idea. If your husband is supportive, I'm sure he will understand!

[xvee]

i'd smack her upside her head. no just kidding, but wow does this lady has some major issues.

[fishrrshortae]

Yeah you are being WAYYYY too nice.. why!??

 

And I think your hubby needs to talk to her, maybe in front of you, and tell her that he doesnt want to speak to her any more. And he should not talk to her any more, because obviously she's trying to start some shhhh.