Dumped 2 weeks ago, but so miserable and confused

[capricorn85]

HELLO ALL!

Thank you for taking the time to read my post, I am in desperate need of advice. For the past year and a 1/2 I was involved with a guy that was the love of my life. I did everything I could for him and was there for him emotionally, physically, and mentally. However, it wasn't the SMOOTHEST year and 1/2. We would argue a few times a week and I even saw a text message he sent to a female asking "do you miss me," and another one saying "I am really feeling you." I never really trusted him completely, but I still held on hoping it would work. During this past summer, he broke up with me and I was so depressed. I begged him on the sidewalk for him to get back with me. Mind you, he had no reason for breaking up with me. He just "needed time." I dont know how, but he eventully said that we could get back togeter and I was so happy. Now I am back at college in another state from him and he is saying that he needs time again. When we first got together the distance was not an issue. However he is saying that he needs this time because he is going back to school. However I feel that if you truly love someome you will be with them regardless. Right now I am so sad and confused. Last night we ended up making love and afterwards he said we shouldnt have done it and that he still wants to be broken up. I know in my heart that he is probably talking to other femlales and I do not want to get hurt anymore. I am so down. The few times that we do speak he asks me if I am talking to anyone new, but I am not. I feel like I should'nt sit here and hold on to someone who doesnt want to be with me. What should I do? He claims he wants us to still be friends but talking to him is hard. I feel like he will never come around, but I am hoping he will just tell me he wants us back together. Please I need some advice. The way I am feeling is affecting me badly and I just want to move one with my life. I feel like he is playing games with my heart and feels like I will always be there waiting. Help!

[metallicachica247]

when i was younger i told my mom "I am never going to be dumped" and just a few weeks ago bam! the guy i liked the most dumped me because i couldnt go out with a smoker. But everyone at one time is dumped by the person they love and everyone has to just forget about it. it may take months or years, but you have to get over it at your own pace. your pain is really normal for people who have just been dumped. i wish you happiness, but be aware that this wont be the last time it happens.

[acuraman]

I was in a similar situation about a month ago when my ex broke up with me and the following day said she needed time to think things over. While she was "thinking" things over and needed her space, my life was at a stand still while she was out having fun with her friends. I ended things because life is too short to wait for an answer and I had a good feeling that things wouldn't be the same even if we had gotten back together.

 

I think you should move on with your life and not wait for this person. While you are currently waiting for an answer from this person because he needs space and time, your life is at a stand still while he is out and about looking for someone to replace you.

 

Its always hard to get over a relationship and I think you should also do no contact with this person because you stated that it will be hard talking to him if the two of you are friends and not a couple.

 

Good luck and keep us posted.

[Katelyn55655]

Capricorn, I can relate. I've been in a relationship now for 1 1/2 years too. Too bad longevity doesn't always mean much. You are hurting right now. It took me over a year to recover from my last break-up. I bought lots of self-help books and they were wonderfu. In order to recover and fully heal you have to allow yourself to go through all 5 main stages of grieving: denial, anger, despair, depression and finally, acceptance. Mixed in with all those can be feelings of longing, yearning, gratitude, envy, and love.

 

I'm here 'cause it feels like things are up in the air with my guy. Just last week he said to me (after I said something that made him mad), "That's why I could never marry you!" It hurt. I asked him if that's really how he feels. I want to get married again some day and if he already knows he'd never marry me I'd rather know now, even though going through a break-up sucks in a big way. We went to the beach for the weekend and had a good time but I feel myself holding back. Relationships are hard! I love him so much.

 

I guess in time things work out one way or another. If he's the guy for me it will happen and if not, it won't. Just wish relationships came with some sort of guarantee!!

[capricorn85]

Thank you for the advice guys, but should I just cut off all ties with him? He hasn't called me since Saturday night when we "made love," so I don't know. I just wish he would regret doing this to me. It is like everyday moves so slow for me. I have decided not to call him, I am trying hard not to atleast.

[drydupfob]

So sad to read about your situation. I was in the exact place about a year and half ago, and let me tell you. What you are experiencing is the worst of it.

 

Things will eventually get better, day by day, week by week. You will eventually heal. That is, if you stay away from him.

 

I found out that the best way to forget, and heal is to stay away. Have no contact with the person. "Out of sight, Out of mind" right?

 

You said that you are back at school. I think you should keep busy with school and all the social stuff that happeneds there instead of clinging onto him, when you KNOW that he's only using you. And will Not come back and be the same person and have the same relationship.

 

I hope that helped, and if you have any questions or concerns please feel free to pm me. I'm always glade to help someone who just had their heart broken.

[Bobby101]

I think you should cut off ties. It really is the only way to heal.

 

Ive tried to remain in-contact and get on with my life after my recent breakup and it didnt get me anywhere fast. It was difficult to do NC after speaking to them after the breakup but day by day your urges will fade and you will begin to heal.

 

1. You think less about him

2. You'll start feeling attracted to others

3. You will have bad days, even months down the line.

4. You will feel more in control of your emotions

 

Incidentally I slept with my ex after the breakup and it really screwed me up. I didn't even sleep that night. I knew that it was going to be the last time I would ever be intimate with her. Hope your experience wasnt as bad as mine ! lol

 

Just try and weather this storm, things will get better in time....stay strong,stay positive and try and maintain control.

[capricorn85]

Okay guys so SUN was the last time I spoke to him on the phone. He hasn't called me, but I did IM him two days ago just to say hi. Now his name is off my BL so I won't IM him and he can't IM me. I was going to call sprint and get his number blocked, but someone told me not to. I just want to move on already guys! I know he is in NY probably enjoying being single and the htough of thinking of him with another female really stresses me out.

 

 

UPDATE: MY BESTFRIEND JUST CALLED ME TO TELL ME THAT HE SAW MY EX AT THE PARTY AT HIS SCHOOL. I AM GETTING DEPRESSED

[normal man]

Im here with you. I have never experienced so much lose, fear, pain, and confushion in my entire life. I'm a complete wreck about this. I cant let go and she reminds me of my mistakes during the relationship how I hurt her and it hurts so much. Im a MAN for christ sack and im like a little girl right now. I have so much axiety because i found out she contacted her ex that she dated for 8 years before me and im thinking that she is thinking how bad i was and staying so strong and moving on.

 

I feel as if my life is over. I have obligations that will guide my future such as interviews and such and I cant even focus on any of it.

 

I've even had thoughts of suicide and am so upset that im human and cant have an off switch for my pain and emotions and fears. Ive had a rough childhood and have always held on so tight to people in my life, and cant handle the lose of these people.

 

I really dont know what Im going to do. The elationship ended 2 weeks ago and ive been in denial thinking she would come back, but now I see that she has so many issues with me that she will never allow herself to be with me no matter how much she loves me or misses me.

 

She left a guy she was with for 8yrs, leavign me after 2yrs will be easy for her.

[capricorn85]

All we can do is take it ONE day at a time. It is so hard and it is good to know that there are others that are goingthrough the same situation as me. He called me this morning to tell me that he saw my friend at the party then he called me again, but I did not pick up! I hope I dont break down again...

[normal man]

stay strong and dont give in to just get let down again and cause more pain. If he doesnt want to be with you and you have trust issues with him that save yourself the hassle. You're away at school go enjoy life and forget what he is doing, you dont need one person to make you happy.

 

---thats my advice, but i cant do that for myself, so im a hypocrite---

[capricorn85]

Okay update so he called me twice yesterday. Today I got an email from him saying that he hasnt heard from me in a while and wants to know that im okay. What to do?

[Rlet11]

okay question, you are basically going through the same thing as me, have you remained with NC for two weeks?

[polaris]

Okay update so he called me twice yesterday. Today I got an email from him saying that he hasnt heard from me in a while and wants to know that im okay. What to do?

 

Continue no contact until you're feeling stronger, until it doesn't matter so much to you whether or not he calls, or whether or not to talk to him. Only then will you be able to communicate without a high risk of getting hurt. Are you ready, for example, for him to slip into the conversation something about his new gf if he has one? How would you feel? Do you want to take that risk? Or more generally, ask yourself this: when you hang up, and an hour after you've hung up and he hasn't called again, and a day after and he hasn't called again, how will you feel? It's not worth it.

 

It's not up to him when you talk, it's up to you. If he's worried, that's just tough; he gave up the right to know how you are when he left you. I should stress that you're not continuing with no contact in order to worry him, but simply that whether or not he's worried shouldn't figure in the equation.

[capricorn85]

Okay guys so I am literally crying right now. My ex just IM'd me on my sn that I never use and he was like hello stranger and was like ok I will talk to you later. Then his away message said "I have everything I want life is great!" and I feel really bad now. Life is great from him and I am so depressed.

[thegirlfriend]

Hi, can I join in? I am sort of in the same situation right now. I am going through hell but all day long I have to be smiling at the office when all I wanna do is curl up and cry...

 

But I keep on telling myself this: If he treated me like this he is not good enough for me (which doesn't help much...)

 

The other thing I keep on telling myself like a mantra is: it'll pass. This hurt will go away someday. It won't last forever. The pain will pass... And the one thing I have learned from past breakups: the pain really goes away... someday...

 

Don't call him. You only hurt yourself. Because he obviously doesn't care much about you. Try to stick it out. You have done all you could do and more than most would do in this relationship ("I did everything for him"). More of the same won't help. You gave everything you had and he decided to throw it away.

 

When the pain gets too intense then cry. Scream. Sob. Weep. Get drunk. Whatever. But DON'T CALL HIM. That would make you feel better for a while but it won't help. Letting go somebody you love is like trying to get off drugs: it hurts awfully but taking just a little of the drug to relieve the symptoms doesn't help at all...

[rascal]

Cap:

 

Get the book, "It's called a breakup because it's broken." Do this. It will help.

 

r

[capricorn85]

Okay guys thank you again for suggestions. Today I got an email from him saying HELLO CAN YOU SEND ME PICTURES OF MYSELF so i didnt respond. Later in the night he IM'd me asking for pictures of him so I said I have none. But its like I dont call, but I find myself unblocking him so he knows when im online. Help guys! Need support.

[capricorn85]

OKAY I AM TRYING TO NC MY EX. IT IS SOO HARD BECAUSE HE HASN'T CALLED ME AT ALL! ILL BE OKAY FOR MOST OF THE DAY THEN I JUST START TO THINK ABOUT HIM AND WHAT HE IS DOING. I HAVENT CALLED HIM SINCE I SAW HIM IN NY ABOUT 3 WEEKS AGO. I AM STRESSING IT HAS BEEN A LITTLE OVER A MONTH AND HE HASNT TRIED TO CALL OR NOTHING. I MET THIS GUY AND HE IS BEING OVERBEARING. CALLING ME EVERY FIVE SECONDS SHOWING UP AT MY HOUSE AND IT'S TOO SUDDEN. HE IS A GOOD GUY BUT I CANT NOT DEAL WITH SOMEONE NEW RIGHT NOW. HE IS BEING A LITTLE TOO NICE. I WANT HIM TO GIVE ME SOME TIME TO ACTUALLY MISS ME, AND HE IS MAKING ME THINK OF MY EX MORE. WHAT DO I DO?