Is going to a strip club cheating?

[dustinthewind]

Hey people.

 

I just wanted to throw a question out there for everyone. I was doing some thinking, and want to know what you think. If you are in a long term serious relationship, and the other person wants to go to a strip club, is this worth getting upset about? I have been in this situation , and immediately felt hurt and that I ...not adequate enough for him almost. I guess insecurities. But if they are happy in the relationship, why would they want to go??

 

I mean, for example, pretend there was a random girl and she met a boy and wanted to get naked for him. he said yes. and so she danced around and got naked for him. he didn;t touch her. This instance seems wrong to me....like would he tell his gf? isn;t it considered cheating? I think so...but how come if it is in a strip club, its not???

 

I guess I am just confused. In the past I have wrestled with this question with my long term bf of a year, but didn;t come to any conclusions. I KNOW that nothing would happen at the club, but just the fact that theres this need to see other girls naked... it erks me.

 

Does anyone have any insight? Am I crazy for feeling this way? For feeling insecure?

Thanks

[DN]

I don't think it is cheating but this is one of those touchy subjects that people have very different views on and rarely change their minds.

[Hope75]

I don't think it's cheating either. If your bf was going every week, by himself, and you found stripper's phone numbers in his pockets you might have a problem, but an occasional trip with the guys is not a big deal.

 

It's entertainment, visual fantasy material, similar to porn. If you have a happy, healthy, stable relationship with your man and you trust, love and respect each other, and this is an occasional occurrence, I don't think you have too many worries.

 

How often are we talking about here? Do you trust your bf? How is the relationship?

[Tigris]

When my first husband did that I was furious. I felt the same way as you do.

 

His reply was the TA (Territorial Army - reserve army in England) were hiring strippers to entertain the lads. I discovered later that there was a lot more entertaining going on than just stripping. My husband said he wasn't involved and I believed him because he'd been a virgin when we got married. The thing is he still watched. He could've left and come home.

He said he'd felt uncomfortable.

[cichlid]

If my BF did that I would be soooo mad. He's watched porn...got out of that he says. I believe him since he is probably a lot more moral than me. It is a personal opinion. In my opinion, it is sort of like cheating. The guy watching it has no feelings for them, but it's almost like saying they need this and the girlfriend isn't enough. Y'know? It can create jealousy and IMHO should be avoided. Same with strip clubs. If you don't feel comfortable with a BF doing it, do not stay in that relationship. You should not have to grow to tolerate something. So it's more about what you think...than what we think. Some people think it's okay, others like me think it is bad. If you think it is cheating, do not let the guy convince you otherwise. But either way, obviously you are not comfortable with the idea even if they consider it cheating or not..so you probably shouldn't tolerate it since it will cause you pain. I think that is the most important thing there.

[shes2smart]

I mean, for example, pretend there was a random girl and she met a boy and wanted to get naked for him. he said yes. and so she danced around and got naked for him. he didn;t touch her. This instance seems wrong to me....like would he tell his gf? isn;t it considered cheating? I think so...but how come if it is in a strip club, its not???

 

Because, in a strip club, the girl is doing her job. She's probably way more interested in the guy's money than the guy himself. She may have zero interest in the guy, but will pretend she does in order to get at his money. Once his money's gone (or if he's decided not to part with it) her "interest" in him will vanish.

 

Some random girl wanting to get naked and dance for a guy probably has some interest in the guy himself and is trying to get him interested in her.

 

Does anyone have any insight? Am I crazy for feeling this way? For feeling insecure?

 

I agree with what DN said, and I would add this: It can also depend on the relationship you're in. An ex of mine took me to a strip club once. I saw the way he looked at dancers and it disgusted me and made me feel very inadequate...thereforeeee, anytime he'd frequent those places from that point forward, I didn't like it one bit.

 

Now, while my husband and I haven't gone to a strip club, we have had occaision to be at events where there have been nude and semi-nude women in sexual situations. He looks, but he doesn't leer or stare and his attention is never entirely off of me. He'll look long enough to be aware of what's going on in the room, but then his focus is back on me. I have never felt inadequate or jealous, and I wouldn't have a problem with him going to a strip club (with or without me) because of the level of trust we have and just because I know the way he is.

[Hope75]

If you don't feel comfortable with a BF doing it, do not stay in that relationship.

 

I agree with ciclid_chick on this one. It's really open to interpretation. It is individual between that guy and his gf. My bf is not a frequenter of strip clubs, in fact he has been for a few batchelor parties and that's about it, but we have a good and healthy, loving, respectful and trusting relationship and I am not worried about it.

 

However, if you feel uncomfortable with it, that's something you need to talk with your guy about and come to a reasonable compromise. If you can't come to an agreement, then it's time to re-evaluate the relationship and it's importance to you.

[Natedoggld182]

if you dont like it because you dont trust him, then i think the problem is not the strip club, but a trust issue in your relationship.

[nataliejulie]

It's one thing when they are just dancing.

 

But if there's some physical contact and the girl is rubbin' her behind on my man's most private of areas, I got beef with it.

 

I simply tell him; "How would you feel if some guy was rubbing his penis in my face and I liked it?"

[TLC1971]

I dated someone who went to the strip clubs on a regular basis. If he was doing it with his buds say every 6 months to a year, but not on a regular basis, I would not have had a problem with it. But he was doing that instead of spending time with me and I had a huge problem with that. Plus we were living together and he was blowing money on lap dances.

 

IMO: once in a while, no harm, more than that, then I would dump him.

 

the dancers are more interested in the $$$

[dEllInDa]

It doesn't matter where they get an appetite as long as they know where to dine.

Have you thought about going to the strip club with him? It is a lot of fun for couples.

Good luck.