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my bf gets mad over stupid stuff


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hello, i'm new to this forum . hope someone can help. my bf and I have known each other for about a year. we moved into our own place together last weekend. while we were moving i saw sides to him that i really didn't like. We got to the warehouse where i had stored some furniture and a few other things and he was looking around at my furniture and he said that it was all junk. we packed up my stuff and got into the u-haul and i asked him what was wrong because he had a mad look on his face. He told me that he was wondering how much of a pain i was going to be. Later, we got to our new place and i was pretty excited, we started moving in furniture and he started to get mad again. My sofa was really heavy and hard to get through the door and he was getting mad at me because i couldn't hold it anymore. I let go of the sofa and looked at my arm and i had a huge bruise on it. I told him that i was really tired and i couldn't carry the couch in the house. He started yelling at me and told me he was way more tired than i was and that i was being a baby. My bf has never acted this way towards me before. We never fight or argue but this kinda scared me the way he was acting. What do you guys think? Am I over reacting?

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Hey there,

 

What was he like before you guys got a place together? How have things been since you guys moved in. Could be he was just really cranky about moving. But at the same time, I think he was extremely rude to you while you guys moved in. I would tell him straight out, say, "look, I think your behavior was very immature the other day, you really hurt my feelings and I WILL NOT tolerate it in this house." You have to nip this behavior in the bud before it gets really out hand. Once he figures out he can do and say what ever he wants since you guys shacked up together, it's only going to get worse. People will treat you as you LET them. Don't let him. He will definitely respect you more when you speak up, trust me on this one. Good luck with everything and take care.

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Sometimes people can have a bad day especially in times of stress. Moving can be quite stressful. However- I'm not trying to make an excuse for him- but just to shed light on that.

 

With that said, you should talk to him and tell him that the way he acted hurt your feelings. Be specific in your examples when you talk to him about it. See how he respnds

 

In essense, this could have just been a bad day , or it could be a preview to emotionally abusive partner . The best you can do right now is tell him how it made you feel. If he apologizes and most importantly does not repeat the behavior in the future, then you should forgive him.

 

If this snappy behavior persists- then you might have a difficult decision to make in the future.

 

BellaDonna

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I have to agree with bella... It's hard to tell whether or not he was just completely stressed out about moving or if he's some underlying situation you have to worry about. Either way one thing is now clear -- he deals with stress by snapping at you and being cold. Maybe you'll be able to handle it and maybe you won't, but you do need to ask yourself if that's something you can overlook. Over time that kind of behavior will wear on you especially if it's truly his nature -- sometimes we don't really know a person till we have to live with them or see them in stress situations.

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I think you should have a CALM conversation with him about how his behaviour and comments made you feel. It may be because he was stressed out about moving, or something else entirely, or maybe it is indicative of his true personality.

 

You have known each other a year - but how long have you been dating? Whose idea was it to move in? How is relationship elsewhere? How has he been since the move? I am just going to guess if this is first time you saw these sides, maybe you don't know him as well yet as you should before moving in...

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he never gets mad at me this is the first time. but now that were living together it seems kinda weird. he left another relationship to be with me and i think he might have regrets.

 

You shouldn't allow those thoughts to enter your mind because it might be totally untrue, but the fact is that he's been with you for quite some time now. If he was regretting anything it would have happened long ago. This is just his way of dealing with high stress situations, and you just might not have been privy to it before.

 

Case in point: I HATE gridlock traffic. It drives me up a wall and I talk and complain about it for quite some time when I'm in it. My girlfriend was driving with me to Dallas to escape Hurricane Rita two weeks ago (we're from Houston in case you hadn't pieced that together and as most of you know that was the WORST traffic jam in US history. It took us 13 hours to make a normally 4-hour trip, and many times I was stressed because of lack of gasoline fears as well as gridlock 24/7. My gf noted that she'd never seen this behavior from me because that was my pressure point and it never had to be exposed till then. I was not angry with her or violent or nasty in any way, but I just complained a lot and it was bugging her. Anyway, just know that people will behave differently in certain situations, and until they are put into it you will never see it.

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i think when he called all my stuff junk it really bothered me because i feel like he is trying to put me down. i didn't say anything to him about it because i didn't want him to get more angry. it scared me because i never saw him get so mad before.

 

I hate to say this but your response begs the question -- have you read anything we've been saying to you? Yes, his behavior bugged you. Yes, he wasn't very nice... BUT... You need to evaluate the entire situation and see how his behavior is elsewhere, like Raykay just asked you.

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If he's usually a decent guy, maybe he's got some problems with sharing a home. The very act of moving in together may make him feel trapped. Some guys can't express that in words other than being rude.

If you can talk to him about his actions, you might be able to resolve it if he can respond with a real explanation. After all, he owes it to you.

 

Otherwise, maybe you should be wary about starting a life with him.

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