the pain knowing they are with someone else

[andy_anu]

Hi james..

I feel much better and stronger myself after reading ur post...

 

I will be seeing her tonight with her new friend at a common friends party... I dont know how am I going to react... Though I really dont wanna go but da friend is too dear to say no to...

[J a m e s]

hi

 

im glad you are feeling stronger, remember that feeling and try to keep it.

 

i admit im still struggling, but i read back on my posts i have made here and pull myself through.

 

just gotta keep thinking positive and concentrate on your feelings and not what you think the ex is thinking, its your life so we need to grasp that and take control.

[andy_anu]

Hi...

 

I need some advise...

 

Will be seeing her tonight at a party...

Should I ?

 

1) Go n talk to her n introduce myself to her new boefrnd. (Though dis will break da NC; and I dont know if I will b able to control my emotions... sometimes I have felt like pickin up a baseball bat and hittin his head for a home run even though i havent even seen or met that guy - out of jealousy i think... but at the other hand I have felt it aint his fault either...)

 

2) Ignore her completely... (It will be really difficult... )

 

3) Get Drunk... (Atleast it will ease this constant pain)

[polaris]

I think you should take option (4) Don't go. If that's *really* not possible, then I guess (2) would probably be best. Don't get drunk; it simply increases the potential for doing something stupid, which won't help you or improve her opinion of you.

[Lovesick64]

Andy-

 

Don't go to the party. That will be really heartbreaking having to see her there. Then if you get drunk you may do some things you will regret later.

[J a m e s]

its been a few days since i posted, but it feels like a lifetime.

 

i was doing well at the beginning of the week, but now im starting to fail again and think alot about the ex.

 

its been 10 days now of NC, even though we have split up for nearly 2 months. i have come to terms it is over, and not thinking every text i get is from her or that we are gonna get back together.

 

i just feel so helpless now, starting to feel that hole in my life again and thinking how she is, and what she is doing.

[danylion]

Just wanted to say that you are being very brave James. I can totally relate to that constant dull pain every morning, like brick in the stomach. Feels like its just happened, a very lonely feeling. I am sure everyone has told you that it will get better, its hard to believe when your moods are yo yoing all the time. To me it sounds like you are doing the best possible, NC is tough but 9 times out of 10 is the best process.

 

It is all about you now, this is your time to heal. Its so hard, I am doing the process right now, but you are coming to terms with it and accepting it, slowly but surely. No one is super human, remember your ex will go through this herself too oneday (not meant 2b vindictive).

 

As for thinking about her, you will somedays more than others, this is normal. Accept how your feeling and don't feel bad for it and tell yourself you'll be fine. Its good you are communicating and processing all this and not pushing it under a mental carpet.

 

James you are stronger than you think, It shows in your posts. Just keep taking those deep breaths and look forward. believe it or not all this is a learning curve and is making you a better and sharper person.

 

Keep going, you're heading in the right direction.

[J a m e s]

thanks for your post danylion

 

i do feel a stronger person, and this is one of lifes tests i guess. its just trying to get through the low points and pick myself up, which is getting easier each time i feel low.

 

it has kind of helped me the split up to, as i have made more of an effort in myself and confidence/attitude. discovering my weaknesses and working on them.

 

even the secretary at work commented to my boss that i seemed more outgoing and talkative to what i used to be, so i everyday is progress and that is how i intend on looking at it.

 

look forward today, and not backward tomorrow i guess.

[danylion]

Thats good to hear!

That is exactly how I have been feeling, to be honest, you either sink or swim! It is so easy to wollow and become consumed by the break up. No way am I saying you should'nt think about it, I believe a little thought every now and again is good and productive. You need to deal with one way or another, do it bite by bite. You shared a portion of your life with this person and you will share more with someone else. it is important you digest the emotions you are going through now. Which james you are!

 

You typed it yourself, "i a feel stronger person". You are strong because you are coping, of course sometime you may not feel like you are but YOU ARE (not shouting at you ).

 

like yesterday I felt pretty low and" God i am so sick of all this"......but I mentally pulled myself over and said yes I know you're feeling low but tomorrow will bebetter - a high. Little bites see, less mental indigestion that way.

(yep its lunch time!)

 

You also have the proof from you work colleges, they've notice a postitve change, thats good enough for me. I can't wait till the peeps at my work start saying those things.

 

Yep to looking forward, past is done. Be positive about the good and the bad, use it to your benefit.......anyway its the weekend tomorrow so treat yourself, remember its your time.

[J a m e s]

i find it good also, that like me, you and the others that we can let it out and talk it over and get advice on this site.

 

as you say it is sink or swim, and at first i was sinking quite badly - i think if you could imagine i hit the bottom. i think something inside changes when this happens. i was chatting to a good friend who said "well know you've hit the bottom and been there, its now time to come back"

 

which although sounds stranged helped me alot.

 

this happens to people everyday and it takes different lengths of time for people to focus on themselves. the time does come, i've come along leaps and bounds but i still love my ex with all my heart and it still hurts not to be with her. even by reading my posts i can see this to, i have a new chapter in my life opened up that i didnt have before.

 

i really hope you do become stronger danylion, you seem to me to have the strength to get through it and although mad as it sounds, see the positives of not being with the ex and starting this new chapter in your life.

[danylion]

Very true. The site and everyone on it helps as we're all in the same boat.

 

Thanks for your postitive words too, things can only get better. Its good that you appreciate that you have love for your ex. Never resent that...people go through a whole life not experiencing an inch of what you have, that to me is sad. We all have love for our ex's, well most do depends on the split. You're in love with them then it doesnt just go away it shifts to a different level, more into respect I think. I have had 2 major break ups incl this one, they are both different but what remains is dont replace that love with hate, its a wasted emotion. Sure you can get mad a bit, that is a release. know what you had and then in your next chapter you will have it with another. She will intrigue and excite you on great new levels and you will atill have love for your ex because she taught you to know a little bit more about yourself and what you want.

 

Its good to go over what you have written, its shows how you have progressed.

 

Well I certainly feel more positive already and that can't be bad! Cheers!

[J a m e s]

thats good, im glad you feel more postive. remember that feeling and work on it, it is what is keeping me going and getting stronger.

 

i know i will sink some more (i was down this morning from my earlier post), but this is the way the mind deals with it i suppose. you cant be happy if you are not sad first i guess, like everything in the universe theirs 2 sides to everything, and each side needs each other to survive or grow.

 

i feel more positive to just by letting out my feelings and thoughts, i can read them back and understand what im going through as strange as that sounds.

 

i dont think my love will ever go away, but as you say it shifts to another level. if i see her in the street even in 6 months or a year my stomach will turn over and my heart will skip a beat.

 

i have learnt alot from my ex about love, myself and general life.

 

i suppose love is like i book, we learn from it and i guess depending on how thick that book is, it depeneds on how long it lasts - seems my ex has read my book and moved on, when i had not finished hers.

[danylion]

yeah I can relate to that, its a bit like not getting to see the ending to a film you were watching, pure frustration and a sense of loss, not knowing what might have happened. But you soon forget about it when you start to watch another. Spose thats why we crave closure so much when someone decides to end it.

 

its like analogy central today!

 

Lets hope the next one is a blockbuster!

[J a m e s]

well, here i am again.

 

its the weekend, and i went out last night and people i had not seen for a while asked how i was. i had to go through the drama of telling them that i wasnt with my ex etc.

 

kind of brang me on a downer for the weekend but im determined to pull through. i hate these relapses that i get, seems like 3 steps forward 2 steps back.

 

i cant wait for the day when im fully healed, and dont have to feel these relapses.