Cri-Cri Posted October 2, 2005 Share Posted October 2, 2005 Okay, I have a BIG problem! And, it's all MY fault! I did something really stupid! Okay, here's the story ... For everyone who doesn't know ... I'm married ... Lately my marriage has been hell and it's a really long story... BUT ... right or wrong, I ended up having an affair with a good friend of mine, who is 17yrs my senior ... So, I have a close male friend who we ended up taking it to the next level ... we've been having a really great time and I've ended up really caring about him. To make things worse, he's not very stable ... he has his own set of problems and our relationship has actually consisted of us being each other's therapist with the occasional romp fest. Here's the problem … I found out (well, he told me) that he ended up sleeping with a co-worker of his … yes, while him and I were messing around. Now, I know I'm married and he and I were just around … BUT … now I feel betrayed and stupid. I allowed myself to take it to the next level and care about him romantically … he made me feel good and comforted me through hard time's and vice versa … I thought that even though our relationship wasn't right, we had something good and that he thought the same way … Now its all gone. I just feel stupid. Ironically I'm not upset over my marriage with having the affair … I'm upset that I can't be with this other guy again(even though he still wants to see me, I just can't do it)! But, I guess karma's a What I did wasn't right … and I got myself hurt because of it! It just sucks! I just needed to talk to someone about … feel free to share your thoughts and yell at me!!!! Link to comment
DN Posted October 2, 2005 Share Posted October 2, 2005 You made a mistake - the important thing is to learn from it and not allow it to make your life a misery for evermore. How salvageable is your marriage? Link to comment
RandomAdvisor Posted October 2, 2005 Share Posted October 2, 2005 What caused you to cheat in the first place? You should come clean with your husband. Link to comment
Cri-Cri Posted October 2, 2005 Author Share Posted October 2, 2005 well my husband doesnt know about the affair ... but i dunno if i want to save my marriage ... we have a lot of problems that ultimately made me cheat in the first place ... i deff. need to decide if i wanna stay or go ... Link to comment
Cri-Cri Posted October 2, 2005 Author Share Posted October 2, 2005 What caused you to cheat in the first place? You should come clean with your husband. we have grown apart ... neither one of us talk to each other ... so i found someone who would ... Link to comment
DN Posted October 2, 2005 Share Posted October 2, 2005 Wrong order of procedure. The best order is: First try to save the marriage. Then, if that doesn't work, end the marriage. Then find some one else to give you what you need. Doing it in the wrong order causes the sort of difficulties in which you now find yourself. So now is the time for some decisions about the marriage. The affair is a distraction from that most important part of knowing how to proceed. Link to comment
RandomAdvisor Posted October 2, 2005 Share Posted October 2, 2005 How long have you two been married, and when did the problems start? You really need to make a decision. If you want to save the marrige, you have to come clean with him. Assuming he wants the same, you'll have to go to marrige counseling. If you don't want to save it though, you really should just get a divorce and get it over with. Link to comment
Cri-Cri Posted October 2, 2005 Author Share Posted October 2, 2005 How long have you two been married, and when did the problems start? You really need to make a decision. If you want to save the marrige, you have to come clean with him. Assuming he wants the same, you'll have to go to marrige counseling. If you don't want to save it though, you really should just get a divorce and get it over with. yes, u r right! we've been married for 3 yrs. and our problems started a while back ... we've both wanted to leave at one time or another ... i know that he's not happy either ... Link to comment
pizzachick13 Posted October 2, 2005 Share Posted October 2, 2005 Everyone who has posted on here is absolutely correct. Either get counselling for your marriage if you want it to be saved (and your husband wants that too) or face the inevitable and get a divorce. Good luck Link to comment
Cri-Cri Posted October 2, 2005 Author Share Posted October 2, 2005 ^^Thanks ... im gonna talk to my husband 2nite ... Link to comment
RandomAdvisor Posted October 2, 2005 Share Posted October 2, 2005 Good luck. Let us know how it goes. Link to comment
MorningDew Posted October 2, 2005 Share Posted October 2, 2005 do you want to save your marriage with your husband? or do you want to save your relationship with that guy? If you are not happy with your husband, which is what it seems, then maybe you should end things with him and move on with your life and start dating again and hopefully meet a nice guy. See i kinda understand where you are coming from, not exactly, but somewhat. I made out with this guy from work and i'm really starting to like him but i'm in a relationship right now. My boyfriend knows this happened but now everday i keep thinking about this guy. i think everyone who is in a relationship will eventually get bored of things and will search for something new that excites them. The beginning stages of every relationship is the beginning, its so exciting romantic and adventurous.... and then things will start to die down. Maybe you should reconsider your husband and the potential that he has... or maybe right now you just want to have fun.... But honestly you can't have your cake and eat it too. Meaning you can't have the love that you shared with your husband and the reliability of him always being there while also having that exciting spontaneous relationship with the other man. You need to decide what you really want, I know most women want both! Like myself, but it just can't happen. I hope this was some kind of advice, i posted an entry to you should read it and reply b/c right now i'm soooo confused like yourself. Good luck and make the wise decision! Link to comment
Cri-Cri Posted October 3, 2005 Author Share Posted October 3, 2005 ^^yeah i know ... thanks for the input and sorry about your situation as well ... ugh, this sucks!!!! l0l! Link to comment
quovadimus Posted October 8, 2005 Share Posted October 8, 2005 YOU NEED HELP. "if they'll do it with you, they'll do it to you" and this is absolutely true for about 95% of the cases. if you want to get past this hurt, call a therapist, tell your husband, come clean and take responsibility for yourself. Link to comment
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