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I have been having some suicidal thoughts lately ...


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Some of you may remember me, some of you may not ... I use to post here often and encourage people.

 

Well, I have discovered that alot of what is wrong with me and many of my personal problems stem from my matter of my perception. Not only have I had such a hard time feeling like I can actually love people, I have wasted so much more time worring about whether other people like me throughout my life that I never really learned how to actually make friends. My worst fear is actually having to express love to people, I feel that if I do I would be punished or hurt somehow. I remember so many times throughout my lifetime that I have just blatently blown people off who were otherwise friendly to me. I do not even do it intentionally.

 

When I was in school, I was fine. But, I have moved back in with my parents and have been attending some classes at a local community college. I have thinking about how I can make some friends there, but there are not too many people I can relate to; there is a girl that I see there often who attends my church and have been trying to motivate myself to approach. I have not done it yet.

 

This is a problem that I have had all throughout my life. I am pretty lonely and I have been having alot of suicidal thoughts lately. I have tried telling my mother that I need help, but she seems oblivious to the seriousness of the way I feel and sometimes criticises me or acts like I bug her. I can not get help from my father, because he has been abusive to me and I have pretty much cut him out of my life. I do not feel as though these are problems that I can solve myself and I need some sort of guidance, but I can not find it anywhere.

 

Here is something I wrote a year or so back, it might give you a good idea of my history: link removed

 

I know I need help somehow somewhere, because if I do not get it these things are just going to continue and get worse, and maybe I will kill myself. I just do not know where to go.

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Hi Hero_99,

 

I hope you're ok since posting this. I can only imagine what you're going through atm but I encourage you to stay strong. I know its always easier said than done and you may not believe me right now - thats ok. Do you know WHY you're having these suicidal thoughts lately, like what's triggering it? Maybe understanding this will be a good place to start turning things around for you. Please know that everyone feels lonely at some point in their lives. Even those happy looking people - yeah them! because you never know what lies beneath the surface. Take care and keep writing here

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Recognizing that you need help is the first step, and you've done that exceptionally well

 

Now, most colleges and universities have free counselling services for their students, so that is an option. They are confidential, and apart from just having someone to listen to your problems, counsellors can also refer you to numerous resources that can assist with your problem.

 

Also, I do wonder if you perhaps are experiencing depression....read up on the signs on the net or such...and if so, talk to your doctor. There are numerous medications out there that can help with the chemical imbalance of the brain and help you on the road to recovery.

 

There are also many crisis lines available: 1-800-suicide, being one of them. As I don't know if you live in Canada, it may be something different in your area...so, look into ur local telephone book.

 

Lastly, I think you need to sit yourself down with your mom or another family member and explain to them your condition (how u are experiencing these thoughts). Sometimes, parents don't pay too much attention for they are so absorbed in their own busy lives...but you will need the emotional support....so make her listen! Tell her this is serious, and explain to her, in detail, how you've been feeling lately.

 

Just remember, though it may take a while to get better, you will get there. It is a constant battle, where one day you feel like your old self again, on another day, it is a feeling of decending doom and sadness. Nonetheless, if you make the effort to seek out resources and have a good support network, you will never come to see suicide as the only way out. Good luck.

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I skimmed your other thread too.

 

Your problems seem to stem from your mother, and mostly your father.

But I'm not going to get into that; because if it is these problems that are at the heart of your problems - you must seek therapy to resolve them.

 

I notice that you're religious. Consider this:

Suicide is an unforgivable sin.

So I've read anyway.

 

But it shouldn't come down to that. You're getting back on your feet day by day. Which is how you should be taking life: Day by Day.

 

You can let people into your life when you feel comfortable. And you feel safe in the knowledge that they won't just get up and walk out of your life like has previously happened to you.

 

There are things in this life that you must fight for - in your situation; life is one.

Why give in now?

With your whole future ahead of you.

Fight death; until the death that will inevitably take your life from a natural cause in the future.

 

If you're not happy with your life - change it don't end it.

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If you had any idea what people go through when a loved one commits suicide you would NOT be thinking of it. Imagine your mother finding you DEAD, seeing you DEAD lying in a COFFIN, crying and greiving the rest of her life for the child she lost. Please dont punish her for not understanding.

Go and talk to your doctor, he/she WILL listen and understand and he can give you information, anti-depressants if you really need them. You will then have someone who understands how you feel inside.

Life is for living so the sooner you do the better it will be.

THERE IS ALWAYS A WAY OUT AND STARTING TODAY YOU MUST FIND IT..AND ITS NOT SUICIDE.

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Please do something about those suicidal thoughts now. Someone I knew of (not friends with) just blew themselves up with a bomb on campus Saturday. Suicide is never the right way. He left so many of his Triangle brother's so lost about it all. Everyone that knew him is grieving so badly right now. Please...please...get help before it is too late. Suicide is never okay.

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  • 2 months later...

hero, you probably have a lot of goals in life or things that you wanna do with your life. don't waste your life on suicide. it isn't worth it. at first, a few years ago, i cut myself a lot just to make myself bleed, then it would hurt after a few days because i was under a lot of stress, but then, i decided to turn my life around, and you can too. you probably have a lot of potential to do whatever you want to with your life.i have to be honest, at first, a few years ago, i was thinking that i wanted to die, but then again, i realized how many people would be devastated if they found out i passed away due to suicide. don't waste your life on suicide. is/was there a really good reason that made you decide that you wanted to kill yourself? if i were you, i'd see some professional help like a psychologist, and he/she will be able to put you on a suicide watch. just think about what i'm saying, and make sensible choices, not careless ones. you or your family and friends could realize who they've lost before they know it.

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