Thinking of Breaking it off...

[SDgirl1234]

So i've been dating my boyfriend for almost 2yrs... and i absolutely love him to death. but a lot of things have changed between us. and lately (i live in San Diego, he lives in Orange County) i've been feeling like im his gf only on the weekends that i see him... and that he only makes time for me when im in town or when hes in town. during the week i feel as if i dont exist bc we talk for like 5min, and its hard being away from your sig. other, and i need to be with someone who can take some time to have quality conversations.. and its not like hes busy. he barely goes to school and his work doesnt start till 5pm, so hes free all afternoon to talk and catch up, but hes always gone, or has his phone turned off... its like he doesnt care or doesnt miss me like i miss him and is okay with not talking to me. now trust me, taking a break with him or breaking up is my last resort.. i've talked to him about it before and given him a 2nd chance and talk to him more and he's apologized and said he'd work on it.. but i just dont feel appreciated, i feel like im being taken for granted.. and i dont know what else to do! it hurts me SO MUCH though knowing that there might be a possibility that we wont get back together.. but i dont think i can stay with him being so upset.. i cry almost everyday. i really think that he might be "the one" for me, but right now i think he's taking me for granted and everything i do and provide for him... i really dont know what to do, i wanna take a break but i havent been single for the past 2yrs and i dont want to spend my days hoping that he'll call and say hes ready to change and try things again... please give me some advice!

[annie24]

Awww....this sounds hard....

 

I think you should read the book, "Mars and Venus on a Date" by John Gray. It's a very good book when it comes to understanding dating and relationships.

 

Here's an excerpt from a similar situation. "Margarette" is 34 and has been dating "Stephen" for 3 years, but he hasn't proposed. Dr. Gray suggests that Margarette say to Stephen:

 

Recently, I have had a lot of uncomfortable feelings. I realized that I am starting to doubt whether we will ever get married. I hope that someday I will get married, but I am starting to feel as if that may never happen. In my heart I fell that you are the one for me, but now I am starting to doubt that. I do not want to presure you into doing anything that you don't want to do; I just need you to know why sometimes I am feeling distant. One part of me loves you very much and another part of me is not sure that I want to continue our relationship.

 

(Of course, you can modify this to fit your situation.) Ultimately, if you're not getting what you want and need out of this relationship, you should end things and find a relationship that is right for you.

 

SD and orange county are far, but really, not THAT far that you're having such limited contact after 2 years...

 

Good luck - I hope things work out for you.

[chai714]

I think you should read the book, "Mars and Venus on a Date" by John Gray. It's a very good book when it comes to understanding dating and relationships.

 

Annie already knows that I respectfully disagree with her opinion. I don't believe a single book will solve or even help you in your delicate situation.

 

Right now, your boyfriend isn't putting in the effort it takes to sustain a relationship. He has time, but is simply putting you on the backburner. I can understand how that would make you feel hurt, upset, or even rejected. You're not getting your dose of emotional fulfillment right now, period. When you're dealing with an LDR (even though OC and SD aren't too too far apart), communication AND a plan to close the distance-gap, are vital to the relationship.

 

You probably feel unwanted right now, based on how he has been treating you. So, how do you make him want to talk to you, or want to call you? I might start out by getting the same cell-phone service provider, that way all calls would be free. That might encourage more communication, since talking to him would be free (I'm assuming either of you has to pay additional fees to talk more right now). Other than that, there's little you can do right now. Being with him on weekends only will not sustain a relationship. So, if you can try to make a plan with him to talk more and set aside time to do it. If I think of anything else, I'll write more later . . .your situation isn't an easy one.

[SDgirl1234]

thanks guys for your input!

 

about the whole cell phone thing... i've been trying to convince him to switch providers and when im home i even ask if he wants to go, and he never does.. and it sucks bc i cant talk to him till after 9pm week days.

 

its really frusterating and im scared that if i break things off that we'll never get back together.. i love this guy deeply, but i dont think im being treated fairly, and i dont know what else to do bc nothing seems to stick in his brain.... uuggghhhh

 

but i really appreciate your comments

[annie24]

Can you switch your provider?

[chai714]

SD,

Not sure how committed you want to be to switching providers or what not, but a company called "Cricket Wireless" offers an unlimited plan (unltd talking and text messages) for $45 a month. I'm pretty sure they have service in SD too. I'm not promoting them because I have no affiliation, but that would possibly help your communication issue with him. Hope this helps.

[novaseeker]

When you're dealing with an LDR (even though OC and SD aren't too too far apart), communication AND a plan to close the distance-gap, are vital to the relationship.

 

Yes this is a key. Talking every day is critical. My SO can call me anytime of day or night, and he does, and I like it because it is more time with him on the phone, rather than less. And I do the same with him. If we are busy then we keep the conversation short and call later, but we always talk as much as we want to. Communication is the key to any relationship, but in a LDR it's especially important to focus on the logistics of communication because the person is not in front of your face ... so the same provider idea is a good one, and we do that as well.

 

The other part of the above quote is also very important ... namely the need for a plan to close the distance. Long-distance can work for a while, but in my view there has to be a plan to make the long-distance part temporary at some stage. The right stage is the issue ... it's hard to make a decision to move at a premature stage in a relationship, but at the same time there is a stage where if someone doesn't move, the relationship can't continue to grow. Every relationship is different, of course, but it's important to have an idea as to when and how the LDR will be transformed into a non-long-distance relationship.

[redandblack]

Hello,

 

I agree with the above posters. It wounds like he has put you on the bottom of his list. The problem with LDRs is the fact that if you don't keep communicating and visiting now and then, it is very easy to forget how the relationship makes you feel.

 

You definitely need to tell him how you are feeling and that it is ruining the relationship. If things don't change then you know what you will have to do...