I broke up with her...so why am I suffering so much??

[steve-0]

so here is the story. I was seeing this girl for about a year. we pretty much saw each other every single day and stayed at each other places each night, etc. Things were going great and all but then after a while I fell out of love with her. I just didnt feel a spark anymore and didnt see a future with her. I went on a trip for a month to see if my feelings would come back for her and I would truly miss her...but it seemed to stay gone. I knew for sure it was over and it was time to move on

 

so when I got back I ended it. she was heartbroken because she still had feelings for me. even at the time of the breakup it seemed the right thing to do. its been 2 weeks now and it seems like I am the one suffering more. I have seen her once or twice and talked to her on MSN every few days. I am feeling very lonely because she was a huge part of my life for so long and now I have nothing. However, deep down inside my heart still tells me that she isnt the girl for me. im 24 and she is 21...so its time to find me a serious partner.

 

Is it normal to be going thru this much pain considering i am the dumper? Keep in mind this is my first long term girlfriend and my first real breakup. Am I still in love? or is my lonliness taking over my brain. What do I do? I dont want this to go on for another two weeks.

 

The no contact thing may be suggestd im sure...but it KILLS me to just stop talking to someone who cared for you so much and shared so much with. And it was my idea to stay friends. please help

[shorty20]

first of all, i'm sorry you had to go through this, and I admire your strength to do what you think is right instead of stringing her along and staying with her just because you don't want ot hurt her. This will be for the best in the long run. As for staying friends, I don't think it's realistic to think you can just go from being so intimate and being such a big part of each other's lives to just friends... in fact, it's probably next to impossible. I tried to do this with an ex that I dated for three years... we broke up, then said we'd be friends... a week later, we'd be back together... we couldn't stand to see each other and not be together, but we couldn't stand to be together because we jsut wern't right for each other. In the end, we ended up doing NC for about 6 months. He called me out of the blue after 6 months and said he was ready to be friends again.... now we are the best of friends. After a break up like this that is hard on both of you, you need to take time to heal. Get your life back in order. FOcus on you and let her focus on her, and later on down the road maybe you can try to be friends again. It sounds like she took this pretty hard, so I would say do her a favor and stick with NC for a while... if not for your sake for hers... she needs time to get over you... good luck hun

[Marinicaj]

I think you still love her..

try to give it another try... or you might regret it.

Nina

[Does_Darkness_Turn2_Light]

I agree. If you really feel like this then you need to search your inner heart. If you find you really do love her, then give it another chance. You can't live the rest of your life, wondering if you really still loved her or not.

[steve-0]

Actually I truly feel like I am not in love with her anymore. Could it be that I am just missing having someone to call my own? The comfort of having a girlfriend. I absolutely do not see myself marrying her and for me thats a big reason not to go on...especially at this age (24)

 

I really dont want to be in the situation where I get back together with her because I am lonely...and then dump her again down the road causing oursleves more heartbreak and ending up right back at square one

[babycristy456]

That is a mature decision of you to make. I had a long relationship "once upon a time" and it was much longer than that. Oh wow! the heartaches, the pain , the crying, the going back to him, the uncertainties..."

It is all part of the healing process. If you are convinced that you don't love her, then you are doing an honorable thing by walking away before you break her heart...But if you are convincing yourself that you don't love her because you feel too attached or committed, then that's another deal.

 

Anyways, I felt like that for about 6 months straight, and I was the one who dumped him! But I always felt deep inside that he was not the one for me...And guess what? It was the best "horrible 6 months" of my life! because relationships only got better and better after that.

 

The same will happen with you. Just be strong and rough it out. Sometimes your mind will confuse you, but always listen to your heart, it always steers you in the right direction.[/i]

[Jaela]

If you have any question on whether you love her or not, and if you know for certain you would never marry her, you are doing the right thing. Feel proud of yourself

[heloladies21]

Your feelings are normal. Do No Contact so both of you can heal up. You will free your time so you can go find someone else. Take care of yourself.

[juls28]

if you know she isn't the right girl then I would try to ride out the pain of the break up now and not prolong it any further..or have to do it agian later. your 24....you don't neccesarily have to find a seriuos life partner thing right now...but I guess if that's what your heart wants.

I don't know it's hard to say. woody allen said " the heart wants what the heart wants"

[newts]

Breaking up or being the dumper is just a hard on you emotional as the person who is the dumpee. You have done the right thing.

[refused_82]

go into search on this site n look up rk, he had posted a post almost identical to yours, maybe it will help to hear form someone else who has also gone thru the same thing

[chai28jm]

look steve i am going through what you going through right now .. i bet before you use have short relationship and the girl was arround you 24/7

and you never get attach before.. just believe youy can get a better girl ,, the agruement or whatever you this lik eis bother you.. but dont let what happening to me happen to you.. the truth is you do love her.. and you care about .. the reason you not sure is because she love you more.. she sure that she want to married you and probly mention it to you.. it scare think that ur life will be the same that he might mis that dream girl you have in your head.. but reaqlly you might never meet a girl that love that way again.. i just say take it slow .. see what you.. and tell me .. even though ur not toegther do feel like want another girl or just think of her and ho wshe is doing..well if you do.. then you figure the rest