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refused_82

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Everything posted by refused_82

  1. i agree i dont msg or ask him out alot as is, maybe twice a month... its just sometimes he says no but says but we can do something tomorrow and he kinda organises things that way but it isnt at all the same as him callin me up out of blue just to ask me to do something...... he never does. when we hang we have great fun, so it snot like he hates me, but yah i guess he just doesnt care enuff..... he used to call me while we were taking space b4 being friends but was always after i had sent an email or somehting then last night i asked him to do tai chi n he never even replied, so im over it its like i dont feel liek we r friends cos when ur friends with someone its noth of u asking/wantin to do stuff n chat etc its like for all i know he doesnt give a crap wether we r mates or not so that doesnt exactly make me feel great so im ditchin him as a mate, the whole time we were together i trued to be n was understanding, when he wa sliek this i knew it was just him but now, now i expect alil more u know, its liek for once i wanna think abotu me n how it makes ME feel..... i just dunno how to go about it
  2. Long story short, my ex and i were together 9 months........ it was a great rship, but he had GREAT difficulty exspressing emotions, things he felt, was worried abotu etc, basically a bad communicator........but he was an amazing person who still means world to me....... we broke up for honest reasons, he broke up with me, we remained friends after 6 weeks no contact to heal........ Tho the problem now is that in our rship he never told me things i did right, but sometimes after we had fight etc he would sweetly and nicely tell me things that i did that would upset him, things i should improve on etc......it was like he was able to tel me things i did wrong but not things i did right.......also it was me who asked him out, it was me who made first move ( im his first gf n hes shy) it was me who always organised thinsg to do etc..... now that we have broken up its still all me, still me who calls to hang out, me who msgs etc n its got to point where i feel like why should it be me always, why doesnt he ever make the effort? hes such a kind amazing person who has always been there for me n who always is happy to spend time with me etc n we hav alot of fun n were good friends BUT am i asking too much by not wanting to be friends anymore cos he never makes an effot i feel like esp since he broke up with me it should be him who is making the effort, i believe it takes two, i hate it alwya sn onl being me it makes me feel dumb, like maybe he doesnt really care etc am i right to be upset? its like hes only ever told me things i did worng n ever makes n effort in us being friends tho i know it means alot to him....... i just wish for once he showed me it does matter to him , i just wish once he would be the on puttin in effort u know am i wrong? what should i do?
  3. go into search on this site n look up rk, he had posted a post almost identical to yours, maybe it will help to hear form someone else who has also gone thru the same thing
  4. Do you realise by calling him back n sayin what he did was 'mean' was the EXACT thing you should do i fu NEVER want him back.........??? i can understand u are dying to see him etc but truth is if your still this hung up on it i dont think its a good idea to see him anyways, not unless he wants to get abck with you, otherwise this will end bad. Im sur eu will get upset seing him when u realise it was just to catch up and maybe start arguing. I mean all he did was say he would consider it n u ring him back over it! i was ins ame situation as u, n i waited 4 months to see him, we used to hcvta on phone but not see each other, n i NEVER once bothered him about it. hes broken up with u, theres reasons n so he needs his space........not only that but how can u not understand him wanting to be sure he can see you.......u get upset easily maybe that is what is putting him off?? you need to chill out n work on you not worry about him sayin he will consider it
  5. hmmmmmmm c;mon.............seriously........... remer i am only givin u my opinion, i dont mea to be rude or offensive but if you are looking for answers as to what ur ex may think of this i will tell u what i think, n would htink if i was him..........and that is that u DIDNT not mean to send this to him, this whole email was for him, ESPECIALLY the bit about working out again, cmon out of EVERYTHIN in the world the one lil sid note u put in there just HAPPENED to be somethng that is about u bettering yourself and it just HAPPENED to be the ex who u ACCIDENTLY sent this to......... hey we've all been there n done it, dont be shy if this is what happened but in answer, HELL YAH HE WILL THINK IT WAS DELIBERATE TO GET HIS REACTION/ CONTACT HIM
  6. do you think you can be in love with someone but just not be ready for a serious rship?
  7. ok so I spent monday and last night with my ex, we had the best day out just havin fun etc n then he had to go to his night course but came back over to mine afterwards to watch dvds........he ended up fallin asleep as did i on the couch, we both woke up round same time and just sat there chattin abit then i said did u wanna stay or u goin to go home? n he said ohh n was kinda nervous n said oh maybe i should stay cos im tired n it wouldnt be safe to drive.....( he lives 5 - 10 mins away b7ut yah it is true, he was def tired). so he stayed the night, he slept with me, it was strange at first, but we both just fell asleep ( THANK GOD NUTTIN ELSE) he would have never tried to crack onto me in bed anyways, just isnt him. it was so firmiliar n it wa snice sure, but im still confused, im so reading into this i know n its pathetic, its just i wish i knew what was goin on in his head ....... i would love to start dating him again, i dont want proper rship as were both so busy and im happy being single at moment. not single as in i can go out n have fun n pick up, but single in the way that i can focus on my studies , go to the city to visit my best friends without feeling ghuilty, have me time in my new place painting etc........all that sorta jazz, im happy n ild want us to take it slow, so yah wish knew what he was thinkin........ anyways just goes to show tho i suppose that accepting someone when they break up with u n lovibg em enuff to let them go and not bombarding them with questions n phone calls goes a long way in the end, it takes time but u so have better chance of being friends/ close/ getting back together if u do just accept thing n try n move on........guess im just v happy were atleast close still
  8. Yeah it has BIG time. When we broke up he had lost his job, and was struggling to get his uni and college assignments done, it was stressin him out, but this would have only been complimentary reasons to why he broke up with me, the main reason was he didnt want or to be in a serious rship. hes only young 23 but younger in ways seems he hasnt ever had gf before or anything. He has since got a new job, the one he wanted, and has money, alot of it, and is so much mroe happier, he isnt stressed like he used to be and i also have changed alot n i know he thinks that! hes unusual in ways, he can never and has never been able to jus have sex with ppl, and he takes things like rships etc v seriously. he lost his virgintiy to me at 22 and even then we had been together 2 months..... hes a v honest and amazing guy that how i knwo it isnt anything like he wants to see sleep around or anything. he hasnt even been on one date since we split, just way he is.... i have been on a few. only little ones though. everyone has said how much happier he is, i mean 7 monthsd has past and alot has changed for both of us, we both have new jobs and new hobbies, even new friends....... whatever happens im glad were mates, i just wish i knew if he was lettin me know he still or has felings for me again......when we go to leave each other fatre hangin out we hug for like 3 minutes, its really sweet, i love that..... i had to ask him out n made the first move when we first hooked up. I used to even say to him if i hadnt of made the first move would he have ever??? hes v shy like that. i didnthave a clue he liked me, we used to hang out n all but not much etc, then i found out he had always liked me so i was stoked haha.........but yah hes definetly diffrent...... my gf also said the same thing that cos his life has changed maybe he has changes his mind bout me
  9. Yeah I know you are right. He is human and a guy after all, just beacuse he is like the kindest person i know doesnt mean he wont harmlessly flirt with me. It's like sometimes i think hes so sweet and never hurt me and always done things in my interest that I think he would only do this if he wanted to get back together but I know that is nieve, and your advice is right. I would NEVER get physically intimate with him and to be honest i really REALLY dont think he would even if i wanted to. he's just not like that and I aint that dumb. Yeah it is tough. my feelings relight when i am with him again now, but i have it under control, its nothing huge and it isnt something i cant cope with, ia m still tyring to move on from that tho. I know seeing him is the prob there, but hes still my best friend and im not goin to stop seieng him unless it begins to hurt or get too confusing....... Thanks for answering my post. I know it wasn't an urgent matter, and last cpl times ive posted noone has really replied. So thanks
  10. Hi all, Was wondering about something I was hoping you guys could give me some opinions/insight on.......help me think .... My ex and I were together for 9 months, when he broke up with me as he wasnt ready to be in serious rship and i was definetly on that rd........I was his first gf, first everything, and we always got along great. I had never trusted or respected anyone as much as I did he. The break up was, well, a break up, but still for a break up purs was pretty good, we just talked n listened and understood each other. He was having a hard time having lost his job and doin colege and university studies and problems at home.........he needed a break........unfortunately form everything........ Although i was hurt i wanted what he wanted, what else could i do? so i let him go wihtout any questions or begging, nada. i loved him enuff to let him go........ we went about 7 weeks with no contact except for 2 emails he sent me straight after our break up explaing further why he broke up with me and that his reasons were true n that he didnt know if we would get back together or not but he said 'not' the day we broke up so i wouldnt wait for him and be happy with my life and not sit and worry about him... he was gentle and kind as always....... anyways after the 7 weeks no contact we started light email n then after 6 months being broken up we met up........we had been chattin on the phone alittle here n there........i was over him, i saw him and i was completely fine and thought cool I am definetly over him....... THEN we hung out again the next weekend on the sunday night n then again the night following, and i started to feel comfort and love again as we so get along and things seem to be even better then they were between us except and maybe beacuse we arent together......... i decided to ignore these feleings, i didnt see him the weekend after that but i did the following 2 weekends n then this past weekend i spent all weekend with him including us stayin up until 5 am. I noticed that he was sat in the middle of a 2 seater couch ( me next to him) so he was sitting as close as he possibly could to me, n he was "accidently" touching my foot and then teasing me with tickles and stuff. This is full on for him, so now im confused. I knwo this is flirting but is this a sign he still has feelings for me?? he works weeknights so i only see him on weekends, im not sur ehow i feel, its like i cant decide what i want etc until i know what he feels, i dont want to ask him yet.........just see what your guys impression is first.
  11. Thanks so mcuh guys for ur responses........ my 2 mates have also said same things, n well im going to go to tthe movies with him next week.....see how things go form there..... i guess we dont know each other OVERLY well yet and yah he was prob tryin to impress me with the fact he kinda has a girl intrested or that he was sussin how i felt n i kinda came out wrong...... either way all i can do is stay positive about it n give it a fair go...... thanks so much for makin me see from diff view... yous are the best
  12. Ok, well im here thining everything im about to post is saying that this guy is NOT intrested in me....... we work together, same age ( 22) and get along really well.......... Hes ultra shy at first but can become more confident as u talk...hes an amazing person who is nowgoin on 2 yrs in remission from cancer......has an amazing outlook on life n all......i love it anyways a cpl ppl at my workplace have noticed us talkin n mentionin that we like each other, another work mate has said how she catches him staring at me and that she thinks he defineltly likes me......he works in another section to me but often is up where i werk where he always comes n says hello n has lil chat.........he often says hello to me n noone else... aaaaaaaanyways as hes shy etc i thought ild ask him out.........so yesterday i kind ablurted it out which is kinda embarrassin but anyways i blurted " what ud oin tonight" in which he replied umm whats tonight umm nuttin' after thinkin and then i was like ' come see sin city with me'....he looked kinda shocke n smiled n said ohh yah i wanna see that , ill come see ya later n finialise details.........anyways he didnt come but i was in meetings etc alot of day........ this mornin he came up n said doesnt matter about last night anyways cos my sister needed me to pick her up form train st, i came to see u up here but u were never here.......then he had to go, after i said it was fine yadayadayada.....THEN he tells me how hes goin to this theme park on the weekend n how he is goi both saturay and sunday n that hes goin both days cos he called a girl to go but she was goin the next day fo rher bday so hes goin again the next day co sit cheaps to get a 2 day pass........then he come sby again n says we should go next week.........i said ild see n let him know next week......... im taking it he so doesnt like me.......... or am i just being paranoid???
  13. im worried nwo i like someone new my ex is maybe rethinking about us havein broken up, like maybe hes considering wantin me back, but i could just b paranoid........ My last post explains all reasons why my ex of 8 mnths and i broke up.....what im wondering now is this: we have remained friends, no dramas over break up, nuttin, everytin was fine, we had some space nt hen got in touch, he emails me n says he will call me on the weekend and he does.....he had been like once a mnth ( its been 4 months) but lately he has more, he knows he doesnt have to be friends with me as i have made a point at that AND he know sim fine n not hurt n moved on etc........ he saw my bro out last weekend n my bro said he was aksin if i go out much n if i was at home that night or out.......he called me the next night and w ehad a great convo for about n hr n half, i said for him to only call if he thought there was reason too ( my bro had otld him some stuff that wasnt true, a whole nother story) bt he still called even tho there wasnt anything he needed to say.......... anyways we were talkin at one stage about how we want to go and see sin city...so when i found out it in fact did come out this weekend i txt hm a message sayin ' hey sin city out this week, i cant go ths week but maybe u n i can go see it in like cpl weeks or sumfin'. usualy he doesnt reply unless its of importance, and when he does reply its often just one word haha,...he then replied to my surprise sayin ' i can go and see it on friday, satday, sunday. p.s sorry for late reply i didnt know i had message n been dead to world ( he works nights) these r his days off, i know this. im just worried that he wrte allll the days he oculd go like he way wanted to go, cos isnt liek him to write back such message.........am i just being paranoid???? i dont want him to be wantin to get back, our friendship is sooooooooo important to me n i cant bear to hurt him
  14. I'm new on this so I hope my post goes ok..... I guess im just considering somethinga nd owuld love to hear others views on it......... Im not goin to sit here and say how wonderful my ex was and how we never fought etc because i know it really has nothing to do with it in terms of getting your guys advice because many ppl have good rships only to find out their bfs or gfs are seeing other people or whatever...... i will say this: we were together for 8 months. I am his first girlfriend, he went to a christian school and suffered v low self esteem etc as teenager and so hadnt had much interaction with girls. were both 23 now. we were friends for quite awhile before hitting it off. he is the most honest person i know even painfully sometimes and even our break up was him answering any question i had and remaining friends with me after. He has this thing tho where he has to achieve goals, i know im making that sound like a bad thing but it kinda is in the way he does it, he does it obsessively and gets v down n depressed when he feels he isnt accomplishing them. this is when we broke up, when he was unemployed and falling behid in his studies. I dont think this is the reason we broke up though, he told me it was because he isnt ready for a serious rship, that serious to him is awaiting marrige like plannin it, and he isnt ready for that. He had this 2 yr plan where hes goin to uni and working full time and goin to europe and then to army reserves for 3 months then joining the police force. its like he feels he cant do all this while being with me? he wrote me an amazing email after we broke up sayin how he cant give me a definate reason why he felt the need to break n he gets down and sometimes doesnt even know what hes feeling. that he was wrong to tell me we had no chance of ever gettin back together but he said it so i woulnt stay unhappy worrying about him, and that he didnt know whether we would get back together or not. he said for me to never feel bad, and that he needs to work on himself and his issues b4 thinkin bout a rship let alone a serious one. my question is this: Can guys love you, be happy with you, but feel the need to be independent first???? i know in my first love rship i was always thinking in back of my mind how that was it but we ended up breakin up anyways. does it simply mean he never/doesnt loved me? ive had guys who i know never loved me, and even this guy i have accepted our break up and have even remained friends, and i am dating again and im fine n v happy were still mates, its been 4 months and all is fine, thankfully as hes one closest ppl to me, as hes v caring honestetc and we have v healthy friendship i am still wondering for knowledge sake and understanding tho...can guys just break up with u cos their not ready even thothey love u......does the need to get your life in order first etc take over or what? Hes not even goin out much anymore he works n studies so much, he works every night till 6 am n studies sat n sun........its not like hes seein someone else not that i ever imagined that cos i just know its so not him, hes v sensitive and shy.... he has major issues with his mum, and v hard time exsprssin how he feels, when he used to try n tell me how he felt he used to cry only, like full on bawling...he could never say how he felt n he used to say he cried cos he was so frustrated he couldnt tell me.......so i never used to push it cos i seen how hard it was for him. i guess thats why im askin u guys stuff instead of him..... any insight?
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