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Ex SMS'ed me...after 2 months NC


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Hi all

 

We broke up the end of April. She was my everything and we got on so well for 6 months, there's no denying that. In hindsight she is still young (20 ) and probably wants to explore her options and felt a bit smothered. The breakup was sudden, brief period of friendship, a weeks reconciliation and then she called it off. It took a nasty turn and there were nasty exchanges from both sides and now she "hates" me. I tried calling and messaging a few times after some periods of NC but got shut down in the process. The latest has been 2 months of strict NC. I have only heard titbits from people. Loads of people have seen her by accident but I have not. I have been working out in the gym, paddling, swimming and going to Church. I visit enotalone often and have learnt so much about myself, life and relationships in general. I treated her like gold (except at the end in the breakup when I did some stupid stuff) but I don't think she was ready for a committed relationship.

 

Well Tuesday night at 11:30pm I get a message from her friend's phone saying "MUCH LIKE SUFFOCATING!" It woke me up and I knew it was my ex that wrote it and I just thought she was trying to mess with my head. I ignored it. An hour later a reply from my ex's phone "Sorry about that sms. It was just words to a song. Sent it to loads of people." I ignored it again.

 

The next day I mentioned it to a mate at work and he said that was words from a song. So after a Google I found it was a song from Chevelle – Send the Pain Below.

 

- Was she venting at me when she heard this song?

- Was she drunk? Probably if she was with this mate and at this time.

- Does she still have unresolved feelings with me?

- Was she trying to re-open contact with me or tell me something?

- Why even bother to apologise? It's not like I took the first message seriously…and I am sure she didn't send it to loads of people from her mate's phone.

 

I know I am probably making a mountain out of a molehill here and it makes no sense to analyse the what ifs...this is not really consuming me THAT much but I do think about her every single day. Look she hurt me SO badly when she left so unannounced. I was really devastated and a mess. Now I am a lot stronger and more of an individual in all aspects. I went through a mad stage where I kissed about 10 girls and had feelings for about 2-3. When I got involved with one I had to cut ties because it was moving too fast and feelings for the ex came rushing back. I was spilling my heart on this new girl and it was not fair. Right now I feel like my heart is closed and I would rather wait for that someone special and just work on me. If the ex were to come back I know it would have to be with a lot more direct and less cryptic signal. However I think she has a lot of pride. She doesn't like to appear emotional and puts on this tough front. I have never seen her cry. She is hanging with the wrong crowd and I know she will return to her Church circle of friends one day. You see I was her confirmation leader about 4 years ago. A mate said to me once, give her space – what is 2 years in the context of a lifetime. When she left she said she was confused so that's why I am leaving her alone to work stuff out in her head.

 

She has probably heard from my mates that I have been flirting in the past and stuff. I have also made a plan to go overseas for a 6 month attachment for work so she can see I am trying to move on. I feel good, my complexion is great, have got new clothes and am thinking clearer again. However, I can't lie and say I am completely over it because when I think about her deeply I get this gut-wrenching pain in my chest. Can't say I am yet indifferent whatever the future holds. I know that if we were ever to chat I must forget the past, listen to her loads and move at her pace without being a doormat.

 

Thanks for listening. The lyrics to that song are attached – pretty cryptic song as well. Not sure what it means either ??

 

CHEVELLE - Send The Pain Below Lyrics

I liked,

Having hurt,

So send the pain below,

Where I need it.

 

You used to beg me,

To take,

Care of things,

And smile at the thoughts,

Of me failing.

 

But long before,

Having hurt,

I'll send the pain below,

I'll send the pain below.

 

Much like suffocating,

Much like suffocating,

Much like suffocating (I'll send the pain below),

Much like suffocating (I'll send the pain below).

 

You used run me away,

All while laughing,

Then cry about that fact,

Til my returns.

 

But long before,

Having hurt,

I'll send the pain below,

I'll send the pain below.

 

Much like suffocating,

Much like suffocating,

Much like suffocating (I'll send the pain below),

Much like suffocating (I'll send the pain below),

Much like suffocating!

 

I can't feel my chest (chest, chest),

Anymore,

Drop down,

Cause I am, (?)

I can't feel my chest (chest, chest) (RAHH!!!.)

Drop down! (RAHHHHHH!!!.)

 

I liked,

Having hurt,

So send the pain below,

So send the pain below (Much like suffocating) (I liked),

So send the pain below (Much like suffocating) (Having hurt),

So send the pain below (Much like suffocating),

So send the pain below (Much like suffocating),

So send the pain below.

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Yeah she probably just had a weak moment and wanted to make contact with you and to get a response.

 

The song lyrics thing is a cop out because she's sending you someone else's words.

 

You did the right thing by not responding. Make sure to keep that up. The only time you should respond is when she calls you and speaks to you honestly. Text messaging is too easy and not very personal.

 

And it's natural that you went looking for other girls. When you are rejected you want to feel desirable again, and that's ok, and it's normal that you had thoughts of your ex. Don't think that's a bad thing, just realise why you're doing it and don't upset yourself coz you thought of your ex while you were with some random hook up.

 

It's all part of the healing process. Your relationship with your ex is over and it's time for you to move on. Don't go overseas for 6 months just to show her you are moving on. It will mean nothing to her. Do it for yourself.

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