What happend to us?

[lilkat21]

I guess that I am new to this whole posting thing but i wanted to get the advice of whole bunch of random people that I or my g/f do not know. People are more honest that way. My g/f and I have been together for a little over a year now. We met online and clicked right from the beginning. We spent the first 8 months talking on the phone, online and emails. About four months into the relationship she came out to visit me and we fell in love all over again. It was amazing. I have never felt so alive with passion and she made me feel like I was on cloud nine and vise versa. Well things were great until my parents found out I was a lesbian and...well thats a long story in its self. Anyways, I moved out to be with my g/f and be happy and things were fine the first few months. We were happy and in love and it could not have been any better. Well after about 2 months of living with her we started to fight about everything, the sex stopped, and she has having a hard time touching me, kissing me and really just didnt want much of anything. She said it was her fault and it was her problem. She was having a hard time dealing with gaining more weight and she didnt feel or have a good image of herself. I tell her i love her and i dont want to be with anyone but her. It does not seem to help. She also really did not know what the problem was. She thought maybe i was too butch for her or she wasnt gay or other things like that.

 

Well since then everything has fallen apart. We no longer have sex we dont kiss we dont touch she does not tell me she loves me. But she gets angry when we talk about it. I know she is frustrated with it because she told me she can give me everything i want but when i ask for a kiss or a hug she just cant do it. She says its her problem and she has to figure it out. I know that her life is stressful but i have needs too. I am always nice but yes I will admit i do have a hateful attitude when I dont feel loved.

 

Also her family lives with us and some stuff has happened with them and she told me that her life wont begin until her parents are gone. WHAT DOES THAT MEAN????? She also wants us to put "me and her' on the back burner until all the family stuff gets worked out. I REALLY DONT GET IT!!!

 

I just want some advise. What does she really mean? What does she really want? Am I being a bad g/f when i get frustrated and angry? Should I quit being nice to her or just feel bad? Should I stick it out cuz i do love her very much or should I throw in the towel?

 

Help!!!

[Beec]

Well, if you want her, none of the above. If you want her, then you want her to want you. If you love her, you want her to love you. If you care for her, etc., etc.

 

But how do we get people to care for us, want us, etc.? By giving them the things that they want in the right amounts. If you want her to be interested in you, be interested in her. If you want her to care for you, care for her.

 

There is, however a limit, if you care for her more than yourself, if you lose your independence, then you will have problems.

 

Love is a bargain, and we all want a good deal. What want people who make us feel special, give us what we want and need emotionally, but do it while being independent, aloof, not clingy or needy.

 

What happened here is that you noticed her feeling differently when she began acting differently, but her feelings began changing before that. Figuring otu why would be a good first step. And when her actions showed that they had changed, you asked for things from her, which she did not want to just give, which means you were becoming needy.

 

If you want her, then right now you need to give to her, and look for little in return.

[ReadyorNot]

I dont like to have sex with my fiance when my mom is home. Maybe thats her problem....

 

Family is important... maybe there are some real serious problems, things that have upset her and she wants to work those out with her family.

 

Or maybe she really isnt lesbian anymore...

[lilkat21]

Thanks both of you for your imput. Maybe some day soon we will have all of our stuff worked out and we will get back to normal.

 

Thanks

[kere]

While reading your post I guess I felt your hurt and frustration. Being in-love is hard, making a relationship work is hard. One of the most important thing is, giving the other person what they need to be happy. She is going through stuff right now, instead of throughing in the towel, be patient and show her love and appreciation at a distant that ur both comfortable with.

 

Make sure she knows that you be there for her and when she is ready. But first make sure she wants u there!!!!!

 

Sorry i don't have the answers for you but be patient, I am sure ur anger will not help the situation or her. So try to be a bit more understanding and supportive. Talk to her let her know that you need to know what is gong on, what she wants ect.

 

Good luck