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Confused & Indecisive!!!!

OriginalMixedUpKid

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OriginalMixedUpKid Apprentice

OriginalMixedUpKid

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Need some help deciding what to do.......apologies if it's a bit long!!!!!

 

About 9 months ago I broke up with my g/f of 7 years. We had already broken up twice in the previous 18 months. 1st time for about 8 months got back together, then 4 months later again for about 6 weeks.

By January it had reached crisis point, we had been arguing but then she started becoming verbally abusive, leaving voicemails telling me how much she hated me, telling me she did not have to answer 2 me etc.....

 

I could take no more and after one final volley of abuse said fine....ok that's it!

 

I had no contact, but had seen her accross the school hall at a parents evening, though we didn't acknowledge eachother. (our respective children go to the same school).

 

I sent her a short txt on her B/day in June & when London was bombed(we both live in central London, but never together). Both times she replied, with a quick thanks.

 

About 6 weeks ago, i decided to test the water, so by txt i asked her if she fancied meeting up sometime, she replied yeah luv to, listing when she was free. I called her when agreed, but she was initially a little hesitant, but decided we should meet up that night.

 

i picked her up outside her place, after the initial hellos she asked me if i was seeing anybody else? i said no. we went for a drink, where she proceeded to tell me how much her life had improved without me around,

how she had moved on etc.....

 

We ended up in a resturant, where again she quizzed me about going out on dates etc......

 

i dropped her home and agreed we'd meet up the following morning to walk my dog. We met as arranged, walked the dog, then ended up going for lunch. This time she told me how much i irritated her in the past and how i still did, we ended up going round the shops together before i dropped her home.

 

I tried calling the following day, but no reply. the following day i got a txt saying she'd enjoyed seeing me. We spoke a couple of times over the next few days & agreed to go to dinner. A hour before we were due to meet, she cancelled by txt, when I replied it was fine, she phoned me and was really chatty, i guess i was a little pushy asking why she;d cancelled but she became evasive, and finally put the phone down.

 

I became suspicious and regrettably, drove down to where she lives and saw her coming out of her place with another guy. She saw me, but I kept on driving. About 2 mins later she called me asking if I'd seen her, with someone else? I said yes i had. She then tried to come up with some explanation, which I said she didn't have to........you can probably guess the rest?!?

 

I decided to send her a txt 2 days later, saying sorry for my part, and that she didn't need to explain, hoped she was happy and settled & that we were still buddies. Much to my surprise she replied she still wanted to be "buddies".

 

At this point i felt crushed, confused and uncertain. I decided that's the way it should stay, but still felt unressolved.

 

Finally after a month i called again, again much to my surprise she answered first time. I said that i wanted to apologise for what had happened a month ago-she seemed really shocked (she stuttered oh! twice) I said that's all i'd phoned up to say. I was in a rush to get off the phone, she sounded a little disappointed, and when I said I'd catch with her again sometime she said i'd like that and that would be nice, with a slight sound of desperation. So i said i'd call her and left it at that.

 

Sorry guys I told you it was long.........I'm really confused what I'm feeling and no idea what to do!?!

 

any advice would be welcome

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DN Grand Master

DN

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Posted

She said she hated you, she said you irritated her, she canceled a date with you and went out with some other guy - and you apologised for your behaviour.

 

Is it just me or is there something I missed?

 

If I haven't misread this - then I think you should forget about her and move on.

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saint_saul Enthusiast

saint_saul

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Posted

Hm.. you seem to be the one putting most (if not all) of the effort into making things buddy-buddy. I think if you still have feelings for her, you need to drop them; the way she treats you when you guys meet up is just cruel. It sounds like she herself is a little confused.. but my general advice is to let things go. If she is actually interested in meeting up again, she should make the phone call.

 

edit:

I completely agree with what guapa and DN said. Realistically, you describe yourself as extremely passive to her harsh words(she is irritated by you)/actions(cancelling and seeing another guy).

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OriginalMixedUpKid Apprentice

OriginalMixedUpKid

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Thanks guys for being straight with me

 

I realise that I may appear to be passive, but I did react to being dropped for someone else. Saying that i felt deceived and used, etc...

 

Just wanted to apologise for invading her privacy. I do still have feelings, but i wish I hadn't. Also can't understand how I managed 6 months of not even wanting to see her! I know it wouldn't work long term or even short term! Still really confused, by myself more than anything.

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OriginalMixedUpKid Apprentice

OriginalMixedUpKid

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Don't apologise. You had a gut instinct she way lying and you were right. You have nothing to apologise for.

 

Send her stuff back to her.

 

Go no contact - that is the first step to getting over her.

 

Thank you for that, I felt like some sad stalker, but that was exactly what it was, a gut instinct and I acted on it. I'm glad I did. She was making a jerk outta me. So no shame right?

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  • 2 weeks later...
OriginalMixedUpKid Apprentice

OriginalMixedUpKid

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I contacted my ex about picking her stuff, she told me to dump it at the charity shop. I said I'd rather she did that herself, so she said she'd pass by tonight at 9pm to pick it up! She wasn't that pleasant to me and now I'm feeling unable to see her as I'm concerned how I'll feel. I've heard she is almost certainly with someone else now.

I wonder if I should send her a text saying that it might be better if I dropped it at the charity shop myself. I know it may seem obvious, but I'm really confused, I'd like to have closeure of all of this, so would it be better to face her one last time? Please HELP!!!

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OriginalMixedUpKid Apprentice

OriginalMixedUpKid

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I contacted my ex about picking her stuff, she told me to dump it at the charity shop. I said I'd rather she did that herself, so she said she'd pass by tonight at 9pm to pick it up! She wasn't that pleasant to me and now I'm feeling unable to see her as I'm concerned how I'll feel. I've heard she is almost certainly with someone else now.

I wonder if I should send her a text saying that it might be better if I dropped it at the charity shop myself. I know it may seem obvious, but I'm really confused, I'd like to have closeure of all of this, so would it be better to face her one last time? Please HELP!!!

 

Please guys, help me? Times running out!

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OriginalMixedUpKid Apprentice

OriginalMixedUpKid

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do the face to face, and tell her you can't be "buddies" with her, that it's too hard. Don't apologize for anything. Tell her this is it and you just wanted to say goodbye, officially. tell her not to contact you ever again. and walk away.

 

Thank you, that sounds right.

 

Thing is she might cancel, I sent the txt afterall. I'm a mess, but i now hope i get the chance! This is so hard!

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rascal Enthusiast

rascal

Posted
Posted

dump her sh**, and go NC. It's all you can do right now. I know it sucks, but it's the cold hard truth. She will either contact you, or she won't . Don't waste 4 months of your life pining for her. Please, don't do what I did. I'm 39 years old and I wasted my entire summer trying to forget about her. Don't do it, my friend. Life goes on, and if you're not careful, you'll miss it altogether.

 

I'm sorry man. I really am. Hang on. It's a bumpy ride.

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