help! had sex with him on first date----need advice

[wonderingwillow]

ok, this is long. Sorry. And everyone please keep in mind that we are both in our late thirties and that this would be a long distance relationship.

 

Ok, we met online about a month ago. talked on the phone only a few times. But sometimes hours online. So at the end of August he flys me out to the East Coast for the weekend. (I'm from the west coast). When I got there we hit it off. I mean the complete chemistry going on. I'm so stupid! Instead of embracing the fact that I had found a great guy and should take things slow I got alittle ahead of myself and got physical. Had SEX! Well he started it first! and then I followed suit (I would do anything to soften that fact) but I do believe that it takes two to tango. We're both consenting adults and not like we are 20 and never been married. But don't know if the I can bring her home to mom rule still applies.

 

Anyway we had a fabulous weekend he took me shopping took me to a baseball game we laughed together talked together. I wanted to make the weekend as light as possible and not get deep or try to make it something serious. So I didn't talk alot about myself and history and and neither did he.

 

As he was taking me to the Airport on Sunday, he was sorta quiet not totally but didn't mention about when we would meet next (was he doing the same thing I was doing and that was trying not to be pressuring and give it time to sink in and see if we wanted to see eachother) at any rate

when I got out of the car and got my luggage, I just said "talk to ya" I didn't say soon and I didn't say later. But he finished it off with "soon" and seemed very sure. And then he says "call me when you get home so I know you made it safely"

 

I called him when I got home and told him i was safe and then was getting off the phone and he said I will talk to you tomorrow "DEFINITELY"! he said

 

So a day passes and I heard from him by Instant Message he said" Hey, How are you? I miss talking to you..... V.

 

I was so excited I emailed him back with a light, short and sweet email a couple of paragraphs about Hurricane Katrina and what was going on at my work. NOthing big just updating him. since he asked how I was. I sent that Tuesday in response to his short and sweet IM.

 

Didn't hear from him Wednesday, then I emailed him Thursday about the Steelers game and the Chargers and at the end of my short email was hope you had a nice evening call me tomorrow if you would like.

 

he responds back to that on Friday with AGAIN except this time in an email and basically says the same thing

 

Hey baby , How are you? I miss talking to you..... V.

 

Well Geez I already said call me if you would like that was the 2nd.

 

Do I need to give it time people?????? Or is this just a brush off.

 

Please help

 

Can there be a relationship now that we had sex before really getting to know eachother better?

 

I'm so confused. I just thought if he liked me that much he would have called. But he seems to be giving me mixed messages because he still IMing me but being kinda vague

 

Is he still interested possibly??? or is he being vague to be nice but give me a hint????...

 

and why would he call me Baby or even still why would he bother IM or emailing me back.....

 

I know this was long sorry

[Nemo23]

Hey It does seem quite sketchy for him to leave bread crumb-like messages, but I think you're just letting it get to your head. And maybe he's letting it get to him the same way and that's why he is being so short. Have confidence in yourself!!! If he doesn't want you than he's not worth it.

Now you did send the first real email with a topic of conversation... So take a deep breath, tell yourself that it'll be ok either way, and let him make the next move. It's his turn to talk back to you so just give him some time. When we're in waiting like this our days can seem like weeks... But be strong. Time will tell. I wish you all the best!

[Zimetra]

I think having sex at a very early stage doesn't necessarily have to be a killer. It depends on how both of you react and deal with it. His vagueness might an expression of his own confusion. I think the two of you should try to talk about the issue as it seems to bother both of you.

Zimetra

[bigbearsgirl]

I'm not sure if this will help you at all, maybe it's just a message of hope as quite frankly I have no idea where this guy is coming from. I am 38 years old and have been in a long distance relationship with my man for the last two and a half years. We live 300 miles apart in the UK and that's pretty much a 5 hour drive. At the end of this month I am moving up the country into the brand new home we've bought together and starting our new life together.

I met my man on holiday!! I know, I know, tacky isn't it! He was holidaying with 10 of his friends (male) and I was holidaying with my best girlfriend. We were on holiday for one week and we met on our first night and by about the third night we were smitten and inseparable much to the disgust of his friends! We had sex on the last night of our holiday, so quite early on but after being 'together' for a week, and I have to say it would have probably been sooner if not for all the partying and alcohol consumed!

Usually this is the kiss of death for any relationship but as he was leaving for the airport (he left earlier than me) he was really rather upset and extremely quiet (apparently because he felt unable to speak for fear of being emotional in front of his friends) because he was leaving me. Anyway we returned to Blighty and spoke every day on the phone for 3 and 4 hours initially, finding out all about each other. I have to say also that two and a half years down the line we have never missed a day speaking on the phone for any reason. We see each other every alternate weekend and take it in turns to travel up and down the country.

 

Maybe your chap is just finding his feet, deciding how he feels whatever. I knew from the start how committed my man was so maybe my advice to you would to be hang on in there for a while longer but don't get too emotionally involved just yet. On the other hand neither of you are teenagers and he should be mature enought to know what he wants and intimate to you where things are going. Maybe you should just take the bull by the horns and ask him outright if he's messing you around or if he's at least interested, you're not asking him to contemplate marriage just asking him to be honest and let you know whether to get on with your life. At our age I tend to wonder if it's worth beating around the bush, if he reacts badly to your enquiry then was he worth it in the first place???? We tend to get caught up in the relationship niceties and worrying about looking foolish or hurting feelings but we did all that silly stuff when we were kids, as mature adults I think it's perfectly acceptable to want to know what someone's intentions towards us are.

[Bethany]

Just back off for a while, he'll come back when he's good and ready. Men like to have time to get back to being 'themselves' after intimacy, thats all. Don't get all anxious and spoil it by mailing him and calling him or he'll never get back to being 'himself' and he will withdraw even more, perhaps withdrawing all together if you become clingy and anxious. Chill.

[Glorie]

Yeah. Lay low for a bit and let him come to you. I don't believe in game-playing, but I think in this case it's good to let him wonder where you are and what you're doing. He has to know you have a fabulous, busy life all on your own, that you're not sitting around waiting for him.