Having a hard time liking people...

[Celadon]

So I'm hoping for some advice on how to really ENJOY being with people.

 

There are some days when it seems all I have are critical thoughts running around in my head about other people. Don't get me wrong, I don't think I'm 'all that,' more like certain things bug me. Laziness and selfishness, for example.

 

I do okay on the surface of relationships - I'm a nice person and relate to people on a "nice" level. But I see other people genuinely excited about being with other people, and I'm just ... lacking that. And it DOES leave me lonely sometimes. IN fact, more and more these days.

 

I suppose there are plenty of reasons that go into not being close to people. One, I'm an introvert. Two, my trust has been broken before, big-time. Three, I work really hard and give a lot, but don't feel like I "get" much back.

 

IT just seems like an endless cycle, and I really wanna break out, but I need some ideas on how. Anyone have some thoughts, or stories to share???? Thanks.

 

P.S. I actually don't have a problem striking up a conversation with people. More like, we don't seem to develop those warm fuzzy feelings after talking or hanging out. I'm not that outwardly emotional or "fun", I guess.

[ShySoul]

I'm the same way. I get along with just about everyone, but don't get close to many people. I'm also intorverted, work out without getting much back, and problems trusting. I try to keep in mind two things. One, don't expect alot from people. That way it becomes harder to get disappointed or upset with them. Two, don't expect to get real close to a bunch off people. Apprecite the few real friends you have and enjoy being with them. A few true friends is more important then developing those warm fuzzy feelings with a whole bunch of people.

[Sexychiick16]

HOW TO ENJOY BEING AROUND PEOPLE

 

[do you mean act happy , cuz you just gotta

be happy to be happy! I unno/.???

 

let me know if you find out.....

[HajiMaji]

Im an extravert and i do enjoy being around people (to some extent).

 

This is an interesting problem. First off I only have a small amount of friends I really get excited to see. Awesome friends are a rare find no matter what.

 

Also, something that helped me out a lot is dont expect anyone to give to you as much as you give to them. A few close friends might be able to, but I cant tell ya how many times ive talked to 'friends' for hours about something thats bothering them, then when my gf broke up with me they just said, "Get over her, man!"

 

You truly have to believe that it is better to give then to receive. It is!! Its not a lie!! It took me some work to get to that point.

 

Im guessing you havent met the right people for your life. Right now i have about 4 friends or so that i get warm feelings after hanging out. They all live in different states then me at this point also. Ill hang out with anyone cause I enjoy people, but i mean - i dont get really excited unless the people are special. Special people are hard to find sometimes.

[Celadon]

Thanks, guys. That really helps to know I'm not the only one.

 

Yeah, I do have high expectations of people. Or at least, expectations, period. Like with my boss, I want him to be like *I* want him to be. But he's not. He talks a lot about non-work stuff during the day, and goofs off when I'd rather him be managing! But I don't really have a "right" to expect anything, esp. when my expectations are just making me sour anyway.

 

I'm glad to know that even extraverts have special friends and then there's everybody else, HajiMaji. I think I'm in a friendship dry spell. I used to have some really close friends, but one by one, they've drifted off. I'm trying to make a few new friends now; it's going okay. It's tough to build up good friendships though - takes time.

 

I *totally* relate to what you said (HM) about listening to friends for hours, and then NOT having that favor returned. Ouch. Been there, sadly.

 

So when you DO enjoy people - like, even the non-special friends - what is it that you enjoy, HajiMaji? Is it the energy? the jokes? Just wondering. I'm sort of a "break it down for me" person; I need things spelled out. I shoulda been a scientist. lol.

 

Thanks!

[HajiMaji]

Making good friends takes time for sure. Its hard when everyone is so self centered and oblivious to the world around them! When it happens it is great though. A good friend makes life much more tollerable.

 

 

Hmm, thats a good question. Why do I enjoy being around people? I definitely do gain energy from it (probably why im an extravert). I really get off on talking to people and relating with them. I love talking to people and seeing them be comfortable. Its not that I enjoy one particular thing, I just love the companionship - even if its minor.

 

Ive just made a new buddy at work. Hell never be my good friend, hes just some guy - but i love talkin with him during work. Hes cool and hes helpful with work stuff and i guess its just nice. We talk and laugh and joke. Its a comfortable atmosphere and I love it when people feel like themselves.

 

Bleh.. Thats the best i can do!! Thats such a hard question!! Argh!

 

I can understand your problem i think. It takes a lot of strength to let people be and not wish them into some mold you have set in your mind. Its hard to enjoy your boss if you think he 'should' be a different way!

 

I have faith that you will get this in time. Im sure youll meet some awesome friends who care about you, and soon you might even get to enjoy strangers company a little more!

[Celadon]

Thanks, HajiMaji. I sure appreciate it. What you said about enjoying seeing people being comfortable, being who they are ... wow, I've *never* thought about that. It hadn't occurred to me, but there's definitely something there that I sorta understand on some level.

 

I'm going to definitely think about that (me, the introvert -- must go off and sit and think ). I mean, it explains some things ... like when I 'mind' that my boss is goofing off, but other people don't seem to be bothered as much, prolly cuz he's just being himself. It also explains how sometimes people don't respond to me because they're not sure if *I'm* comfortable (I've been told I'm hard to read).

 

I guess "comfortable" also means being able to be yourself with the other person. Hm...

 

OK. Anyway, thanks for the encouragement HajiMaji! It really helps!

[HajiMaji]

Hey you bet!! Keep doing your thing, youll get it! Feel free to PM me if you ever want to talk more