GF needs time?

[psipro]

Hey guys, long time no type but I need advice again.

 

My girlfriend decided she needed time and space a few days ago. She says she needs to do some soul searching to decide if we are supposed to be together. I have been trying to give her space and time but it's hard. I haven't been the one to start talking but every night she IMs me, and I do respond.

 

I don't know what to do. The advice here says not to write those "I love you sooo much" emails and I haven't, but I didn't expect her to act like this. I have told her I can't be her "friend" because it would be difficult, at best, to become more then friends.

 

I still love her and I still want to be with her, but I don't know what to do. Advice and words of support would be greatly appreciated.

[PersonalMe]

hi, well talk to her about it.. comunication is key!...but i mean u really do have to talk to her about it...i mean...what she said to u and how she is acting dont make sense...tell her somehting like "u said u needed time but yet u keep trying to contact me...what do u REALLY want?" its kind of a hard subject to tell u want to do, considering im not your gf and i dont know what she is thinking...but deffinatley talk to her cuz shes not making any sense

[stratguy620]

this is very reminiscent of my situation. My gf met another guy, and says she wants to spend time with him for a while to see if her and I are right for each other. i feel like sh*t obviously, but i really do love her. i agree tho, that you need to ask what is going on. She say she wants her space, but keeps coming back. Ask her whats up

[DN]

Give her time - but no more than you want to before you decide that she obviously doesn't love you enough to make a relationship work. You don't have to let her make all the decisions here - you can move on any time you feel you have had enough.

 

As for the situation that stratguy620 described in his life - I would get that woman out of my head and find someone else to love. Anybody who can blatantly put you 'in reserve' in that way while she is with another man has zero respect or love for you as a man or as a lover.

[suprema99]

Dn is right. Stratguy620, forget about her as hard as it sounds. She has no respect for you. this also goes to psipro. The hard part is, this kinda girl doesn't care if you leave or not. She wants someone else and not you, that's the fact in both your situations. You like her and I know you wouldn't pull that crap on her I bet. Is she really pretty? Hot girls get hit on daily by guys and it makes it so much harder for you in the relationship. The hotter she is the more problems she has and you will have. You have to do some homework here if you want this relationship. Treat her exactly like she treats you though. Don't send her love emails unless you really feel you should. Goodluck

[psipro]

Thank you all for the advice. Anyone else who has comments please do.

[gypsy65]

You may want to check out a site called link removed would suggest that in your situation you agree to be friends with her, but make yourself scarce, and don't be available to her! Create some competition and start dating others or haning out with girl friends, anything to give her the message that you aren't lamenting her decision...give her time, and give her space, don't tell you miss her, you love her, or anything else. She wanted time...GIVE IT TO HER but agree to stay friends! It could shoudl be casual friends, don't hurry to return her calls or respond to her im's for at least a week...the longer the better...Let her wonder if she has lost you. When you do talk to her, keep it light and up beat and don't disucuss feelings, also be the first to end the contact and keep it short, no more than 5-10 minutes, then say you have something to do, don't say what and end the call. This well do a few things for you, first of all it will leave a foot in the door so that you don't lose complete contact with her, it will give her time to miss you if you keep a friendly distance from her, and maybe then she will start thinking about you and wondering what you are up too. Wait at least a few months before you initiate any contact, and still keep it light. If she really wants to do some soul searching you can guarantee that you and your relationship will be a part of that soul searching if you keep her guessing what you are up to and wondering if she has lost you for good or not. It sounds gamey, but like I heard, "If you don't want to play games, you don't want to date." Until you have a solid committment from her, which sounds like what you want, don't let her know she has you. It is human insinct to want what you can't have.

I hope this helps...

[heloladies21]

Well dude, I'd go No Contact for real and that means no more IM's too. She needs to know what life is like without you for a while so she can decide which way she wants to go. Just don't sign on for some time and let some time pass. If she starts to chase you back, then great, but she'll have to prove it to you. If not, then be glad she's gone.

 

Just make sure you never become her FRIEND. If you did that, then you messed up!

[psipro]

Thanks