Family friend/co-mother starting to creep me out!

[ReaderGrrl]

I'm kind of having a little "situation" with a close family friend who's been like a "co-mother" to me since I was about four. As a kid and as a teen, she baby-sat me, invited me out to lunch, talked with me about politics...you know, the usual parent/child stuff. And I went to her with my problems, the way I did (and still do) with other close family members. Now that I'm in my twenties, I still like to call her every once in a while and talk about what's going on in the world, and go to her for advice.

 

But these days, I feel like she's been a little too attached to me. Whenever I talk to her, she always has to say I've really "inspired" her (I went on a successful diet last year), and we've gotten to be such good friends, and stuff like that. She's always saying, "We should get together sometime! I'd love to see you!" and "Ooo, you're gonna have such a good life!" Every time she says any of that, I get embarrassed and annoyed even though I try not to show it. For a while, she'd also been trying to sell me on the idea of going to grad school and living with her during that time, because I'm having a hard time finding a job. None of my other close family seems quite this...um...preoccupied with me--they mostly leave me alone, and let me go to them when I need/want to. Is this kind of thing normal? How do I get it accross to her that I am not, and never will be, her "friend?"

[venus777]

But you just said she is a friend and a co-mother. It seems totally normal what she is doing if she was like a mother to you.

[stolenshadow]

She wants to help you and if you tell her things like you don't have a job it's obvious any person that cares will offer help.

Not everybody is lucky enough to have a friend that's closer to them than a family, but if you are not interested or feel uncomfortable just distance yourself.

[gypsy65]

The way I see it is that it really doesn't matter what her motivation is for making these kinds of remarks to you, the fact is is that you are uncomfortable with them. How you proceed in this instance depends on how important this person is to you and how much you feel you want/need her in your life. If this is someone whom you feel close to and want to remain close with then I would sit her down and let her know how you feel about her comments. You don't have to tell her that you feel she may be hitting on you, that would only make her defensive, you could begin by giving her the benefit of the doubt and stating, " I know you mean it as a compliment and you are only trying to be supportive of me, but I need to let you know that those types of comments leave me feeling..." and then state your feelings and ask her to stop. If you wanted to take it a step further you could say something like, " I am telling you this because you are important to me and I want to feel comfortable visiting with you, but if you continue with these types of remarks I would feel inclined to keep my distance." This comment throws her a compliment, lets her know that you care about her, but also establishes a zero toloerance for her behaviour/remarks.

[moulinbleu]

I still like to call her every once in a while and talk about what's going on in the world, and go to her for advice.

 

 

How do I get it accross to her that I am not, and never will be, her "friend?"

 

I don't understand these two statements. . .

[Darknova12]

hey,

 

i think moulinbleu has a point here, you CANT reconcile those statements...someone you like to talk to, and go to for advice etc is generally considered a friend...have you considered that you may have infact become her friend without realizeing it, and now that you are your a little 'creeped out' by the 'change of role'? i mean shes not really a co-mother anymore, since your at an age when you no longer rely upon a 'mother' figure, so shes morphed into a kind of friend?

 

something to ruminate on!

-- Darknova