Career/Relationship Madness

[Borashi]

Okay here's my situation, I recently left my old job, to start a new one. The company I did work for included myself dating the Bosses daughter. She actually doesn't live with my boss though, she lives with her mom. To complicate things even further, we broke it off back in the very beginning of June. Now I've been hoping to start my new job with a clean slate, no worries in the back of my mind, but just today as I was talking to my bestfriend on my cell phone, I received a call from her, which I didn't answer. My reasoning behind this is that my boss would be willing to go to the lengths of using his daughter by paying her or whatever, type of manipulative tactic he can use to get me back as I was honest, reliable, and consistent. The company he runs didn't revolve around me, but I was an intregal part of there success the last year. My question is do I pickup if she calls again, when this just happened out of the blue, after I left the company, when we haven't spoken in over 2 months, or do I let it be as I sense that this is a manipulation tactic being put in play through her father my boss as he desperately tries to get me back. It's a family run company so that's why I feel he'd use anyone including his own family members to manipulate me in to thinking that working there will be best for my future when in my opinion this new job is the very best for my future. On the other hand maybe this isn't timing and maybe she really wants to get back together, am I being paranoid? I had deep feelings for her, but I'd just begun recently to let go even though I still think about her daily, I know they say never mix business with pleasure but this is something I feel was out of my control as we fell in love quite fast and I didn't even care about the company, all I cared about is her. What would you do?

[Beec]

Well, I would make sure I was pretty firm in my thougths and determination not to go back to the father's company, provided I did not want to go back.

 

Then I would call, and I would take things very, very slow. I'd be happy to take a chance with her, but I would also want to know she was not there just to bring me back to her father's company. She could prove that by supporting me in my new job and/or jsut ticking wiht me after it was clear I would not go back.

[DN]

I would think through the implications a little further.

 

Suppose for a moment that it is her wanting to get back with you - genuinely with no ulterior motive. So you get back together and resume the relationship.

 

Would you be able to withstand any subsequent pressure from her father, and maybe from her, to re-join the company?

 

Assuming that could be solved, and you are interested in getting back together, then I would find out what she wants. Just be cautious and guard your heart.

[Borashi]

Update 9-24-05:

I noticed she had called my house three times in 2 weeks. So I decided to take a gamble and give her a call. As soon as she says hello, I repeat greeting, she hangs up phone. About 10 minutes later, she calls back and tells me to never ever call her again. Today she's called my house 4 times and I won't pickup, cause I don't know her anymore. I don't know if she's going to manipulate me into going back to her dads company, I don't know if she still cares about me, or if she is doing this for money. Fear is stronger than love and I'm sensing that by her reaction yesterday on the phone, was the reaction of anger and frustration of quitting her fathers company. I also feel her calling today is actually her dad calling from her cell phone. She visits him every weekend, so this is a very plausible explanation. I really enjoy the job I am in with my current company and I don't want to take the chance of

 

1. Getting manipulated, back stabbed, and lied to

2. Having my heart shattered again

3. Not knowning what her true intentions are

 

I don't regret the chance I took yesterday calling her, as it just reaffirmed my beliefs that she only wants to use me to further her material gains from her father.

[DN]

Stay strong. The only criteria for accepting her calls is if she lets you know by other means, such as a letter or text, that she loves you and wants you back - and that she doesn't care if you work for her father or not.

[Borashi]

Update 9/27/05:

I really don't know what to do anymore. She still calls daily, I almost wonder if she feels guilty about hanging up on me last friday. At the same time, I'm confused on the next step to take. I don't answer the phone cause I really don't want it to lead to arguing. My hope is that it would lead to a reconcilliation. I just don't want to let a good thing slip away, when I know right now I could just call her up and see what her reaction would be. It's been since July when we last had an actual conversation on the phone. It's been May since we've seen each other, my feelings are still strong for her.

[Beec]

Pick up the phone, when you are ready, and calmly answer, asking what she wants. Do not fight, do not argue, only listen. Let her attack you, if she wants. And tell her you need to think about things. If she asked why you called, maybe you should say, because I thought we might have a chance, but that seems to be not the case after what you said ____. Then tell her you need to think about things, if she apologizes. Be calm. Do not react.

[Borashi]

Well it took me till today to finally come to my senses. Blood is thicker than water. Family will always be #1 over most relationships. So she calls me today and I pickup the phone and she immediately demands why I quit her fathers company. Obviously her father didn't tell her my side of why I quit and he's spinning it to look good in a positive light with his daughter. (They don't live together) I think her dad views this as an opportunity to grow closer to his daughter since he spends all his time involved with the company. What makes me feel really great is how she couldn't care less about me after July, now all of a sudden, she wants to talk. My instinct tells me not to trust her anymore. I really think this is going to come to a resolution in the next day or so. I don't even think I could even pickup the phone to talk to her if I wanted to, I'm pissed that she basically showed me no loyalty. It's like I was blindsided without a clue, but I can view this as a positive experience since it's better I knew this now rather than if we were to get back together. As she'd probably try to force me to work for her father again. I say force because she's very manipulating and decisive, she even admitted that to me, when we were going out last year.

[DN]

Don't do anything against your best interests and take all the time you need to determine what they are.

[Beec]

I cannot blame her for being more loyal to her father than you. She should be that way, until you are married or close to it, when that shouldm switch. it's best if there is no contest, but if not, him now, husband later.

 

I can blame her for being involved in the fight at all. What business is it of hers, that you decided your future was elsewhere. Didn't mean you could never go back to work there or anything, although you thought you would not. You left because you thought it was the right thing to do. She should be able to stay out of the fight between him and you.