should I even care, at all?

[hockeyboy]

My girl had asked me out for last night and we had plans. She felt really bad when she had to cancel. It turns out one of her friends was leaving for school today so she wanted to hang out with a group of friends seeing she wouldnt see them until xmas. I was disappointed, but understood and think she made the right decision.

 

However, she kept talking about how she wanted to come by later and sleep with me. I told her not to worry about it but she insisted. She was planning on going out with a friend today who lives close by to me. Me and my girl live about 40 min apart right now. So her plan was that she would come over to my place and then head over there in the morning. That was all fine. She was supposed to call me and let me know when she was on her way (I would be in bed) and I even left the front door open for her.

 

Well I woke up at 230 and realized i had not heard from her. I called and she was at her friends (who shes going out w/ today). She said she thought we agreed that she would stay there. I really dont care that she didnt come over..but what kind of made me mad was that it seemed like she was playing with me. Almost like she decided she rather just stay at her friends but didnt want to tell me that. I would not care if that were the case, but i do not like being decieved. Perhaps I am wrong and she really thought thats what we agreed on but i really dont see how she could have done that. Should I even care about this issue or is really not a big deal?

[OceanEyes]

I think you're reading too much into her intentions. My guess is that alcohol was involved, and that she simply lost track of time or could no longer drive to see you. Sure, picking up the phone isn't that hard, but I seriously doubt that she's trying to play with you.

 

How long have you been dating her anyhow? You refer to her as "my girl", so I'm assuming that some type of commitment has been discussed.

[hockeyboy]

I think you're reading too much into her intentions. My guess is that alcohol was involved, and that she simply lost track of time or could no longer drive to see you. Sure, picking up the phone isn't that hard, but I seriously doubt that she's trying to play with you.

 

How long have you been dating her anyhow? You refer to her as "my girl", so I'm assuming that some type of commitment has been discussed.

 

Well she wasn't drinking that much. Thats what she said...and when I talked to her she didn't sound drunk. But I may have been fooled. I do think your right though, I do think I'm reading to much into it...I guess it still goes back to these types of situations in the past where girls were flat out lying to me. I need to stop.

 

We have talked about us...we have some sort of weird commitment. It's kind of confusing.

[OceanEyes]

I actually just took a look at your other topic (about her not wanting to label your relationship, etc.). It does seem to be a bit of a complicated situation, one in which I wouldn't be comfortable in either if I was in your shoes.

 

It does seem like she's trying to keep her options open. She obviously likes you, but she seems to enjoy being single a bit more at this point. The reason I say this, is because I've been *that girl* who refuses a label and just wants to "see where it goes". And in my experience, it's usually a combination of:

 

- Bad timing (for you). She doesn't really know what she wants right now and is probably confused as to whether or not she actually wants to be in a relationship. Understand that this is absolutely no reflection on you as a person. Like I said, most of the time when this sort of thing happens, it's simply a case of bad timing and that she doesn't have that much to give.

 

- Issues with past relationships and not wanting to fall into the same pattern. This is especially valid if she's recently gotten out of a relationship that didn't have positive results.

 

- The point she's at in her life. You say that she's in school. When I first started university, I had very little time for my relationship, and the time that I did have, I wanted to spend partying. I'm not saying that this is the case with her, but it certainly was for me a few years ago.

 

I understand that you've been through some undesirable times with ex-girlfriends who have lied to you. Go into this with an open mind, and believe her when she says that she doesn't want to apply labels. Don't assume that you can change her mind. Have some fun with her for the time being and try to avoid expecting too much, too soon.

[hockeyboy]

Yes...and since I posted that topic things have changed some. We have not discussed it further but she has been acting more and more like a girlfriend. Calling me babe, hun, sweety..etc. She has accidentally referred to me as a bf. Her friends have referred to her as my girlfriend. She seems to want to be around me more. She has invited me to a family party, Ill be meeting the family. I guess she's been telling her parents about me because they want to meet me. She's contantly telling me she misses me...and i can go on.

 

All of those things and more were none existant before...its like she has become my girlfriend now but we just have not discussed it, nor do I plan to anytime soon.

 

I would feel a lot differntly if things had not changed, but it seems like she is getting more serious about "us."

 

I just dont want her to feel like she has to lie to me...I'm not sure if she did or not, so thats why Im not sure if I should say something. Like I said, I dont care at all she didnt come over, I was just more concerned that she felt the need to make something up (if thats what she did).

[OceanEyes]

When the time is right, and you're comfortable enough, have a discussion with her about how you feel. Believe me, women appreciate honesty just as much as you seem to value it. If you can be completely honest with her about your past experiences, and that you really want her to be honest with you all the time (even if that means upsetting you), she'll respect you more, and it will probably bring you closer together.

 

A woman who really cares about you will go out of her way to avoid hurting/ upsetting you. Try to believe this and let go of old baggage from past relationships. It's hard, but if you're honest with her, she'll be honest with you.

[hockeyboy]

So you think that if she was lying to me in some way I should appreciate it because she was only telling a white lie to protect my feelings? I guess I can understand that, as I have probably been guilty of it myself. I know she wasnt lying cause she was cheating on me or something like that...that would be a different story.

 

Still though, I just want her to know that she can be honest with me and just as importantly I want her to know that im not that clingy that i would actually care that she didnt come over.

 

I texted her and asked her to call me before she left for the day. She has my camera from our recent trip and I want to ask her to drop it off for me on her way out. She has yet to call, but if she does, Im thinking I will just drop this subject for the time being.

[djedix]

You think to much about the little things. I know because I would do/have done the same thing. She's not out to hurt you. She's not going to go out and cheat on you. She's not out planing behind your back... just relax!

[hockeyboy]

well i know she was going out and cheating on me i was just concerned she feels the need to lie to me when she wants to do something other then see me.

 

i do need to relax, but sometimes its easier said then done.

[djedix]

Honestly do you think she really lied to you thou? I'd think of it as just plans changed, and maybe she was just to tired to drive over, or whatever. maybe she was just having too good of a time with her friend, and didnt wana leave. I really wouldnt laber her as a lier.. I wouldn't even bring this issue up again with her, because it will cause her to think your clingy or a little posssive.

 

I mean It's a hard time right now... Friends are going away to school and stuff, and alot of people wont see these people till thanksgiving/semesters over. I told the girl i've been seeing to go hang out with her g/fs all week, i'm not going anywhere.

 

Cofidence man cofidence. She's with you, and obviously she wants to be with you. don't worry about it.

[hockeyboy]

she left the friends she was hanging out with and came out to my area. she ended up going to her friends house who lives near me. this is a girl that she goes to school with. a change of plans is 100% fine with me, it happens...but just tell me "hey, change of plans...." I just want to make that point clear to her.

[kellbell]

I agree with djedix,

 

Confidence is the key. From a female's point of view, confidence is a major, major turn on for us. I can's stress it enough gentleman out there!! I tend to get very apprehensive over guys who are very clingy, needy, or always in my business. I dated a guy like that, major turn off, I stopped calling him. However, there is a difference from being aloof and being confident.

 

I think this girl just got carried away with partying, lost track of time and once she realized how late it was, didn't bother to call or come over. I've done it. Usually I call the next day to apologize. I am sure you will hear from her today. I would not even bring it up at all. Take care and all the best.

[djedix]

she left the friends she was hanging out with and came out to my area. she ended up going to her friends house who lives near me. this is a girl that she goes to school with. a change of plans is 100% fine with me, it happens...but just tell me "hey, change of plans...." I just want to make that point clear to her.

 

See that's the catch with the no offical title thing... since tecnically your not boyfriend and girlfriend by title... she might think well i dont need to call him.. that's where she's getting that little extra freedom.. which is fine, it's just hard to handle on our side of it, because yea, here we are waiting to see them and then we hear nothing...

 

But i agree, she will call you and be like hey im sorry about last night.

[hockeyboy]

i dont think she'll sorry cause then she'll be admitting she's wrong. she'll probably say sorry if i bring this all up..but if i dont, she wont.

[kellbell]

Then I would just let it go and enjoy the time you have with her before everyone goes back to school. In this case, you have to to know when to pick and choose your battles and this one does not appear worth battling. You don't want to part ways feeling bitter and resentful.

[hockeyboy]

i asked her to call me. it is kind of annoying that has not called.

 

oh well..suddenly i feel in a "whatever" mood.

[kellbell]

When did you ask her to call you? Just now, or last night. Dude, I would leave her be. It's hard but the more you call her and when she doesn't get back to you, the more you are going to get angry. Not worth it my friend.

[hockeyboy]

I texted her this morning. We all went on a trip this weekend and the girls house she is at has some of my stuff (accidentally got stuffed in her bag) I just wanted to get it and figured they could drop it off at my house (im at work) on there way.

 

She just called...shes being a lil brat. She sounds all pissed off (it is her time of the month). I didnt even say anything bad to her, but regardless, I think I need to spend this day away from her.

 

Something tells me that the fact its her time of the month is playing a roll in this because she is not usually this bratty. Thats fine, just need some space.

[djedix]

dont talk to her the rest of the day unless she contacts you, and when she does, be plesant, and dont pick a fight... and you cool down.. dont make this into something bigger then it is.

[kellbell]

Agreed, don't call her at for the rest of the day. You can get your stuff later. Don't use that an excuse to see her or talk to her. Did she say it ws her time of the month or did you just assume? Either way, let her cool off and talk to her tomorrow or the following day. This is getting kind of carried away over something so innocent.

[hockeyboy]

Agreed, don't call her at for the rest of the day. You can get your stuff later. Don't use that an excuse to see her or talk to her. Did she say it ws her time of the month or did you just assume? Either way, let her cool off and talk to her tomorrow or the following day. This is getting kind of carried away over something so innocent.

 

she told me yesterday that she got "it" and that it is her time of the month.

 

she is going to call me later and she is going to ask if i want to do something. should i just say "no" or make up an excuse like she did?

[kellbell]

Well that depends on how you feel. I would give her a cutt-off point today on when she will call you and make plans. Like if she has not called by 5:00, say, then forget it. You don't want her thinking you will just sit around and wait for her. That's not good. Make other plans. I think you if you do go out with her tonight, have fun and act normal like none of this bothered you. I know you do want to go out with her and since you are all going to school, then why not. Have some fun. Did she say she was going to call you or it's just a feeling you got. Because, it seems like this girl has a bad track record on getting back to you. You should prepare yourself with that, that's why I suggested you mentally tell yourself, ok, if she hasn't called by 5, for example, make other plans. You all are going back to school soon, enjoy the rest of your time instead of wasting it playing these games. Take care.

[hockeyboy]

she said she was going to call.

 

she pretty much always gets back to me when she says she will. she very rarely does not pick up her phone when i call and i call her/she calls me pretty much 50/50. maybe its just my time of the months too..who knows...i have had a horrible week last week so im not feeling so hot

[kellbell]

Hmmm, then I say, just go out with her and have a good time. Keep us updated on have everything turns out.

[Cecelius]

She is implicitly telling you that her feelings on you are not quite at the same level as your for her.

 

This could be the death knell for you. For whatever reason, women can smell over-interest in a man and it's drives them away.

 

yes, she said she would call, and didn't. regardless of your technical affiliation, a woman who really wants you will nearly bend time to be with you. She is basically spending the time with you when it is convenient. That's not shady or cheating -- she's just not really your g/f.

 

I think you need to back way off. Just assume for a few weeks that if she wants to hang with you, she'll call. Don't initiate any calls (not as a game, but simply so that you're interest in her doesn't outstrip her interest in you) for that time. Don't text, etc.. Don't ignore her, but spend time with her when it works out.