Are orgasms suppose to be so hard!!!

[confusioninitself]

By this quiestion I mean hard to have.

 

Hello all I am 25 years old and have been having intercourse well since I was 17. I have only had so few partners that I can count on one hand and still have fingers left over and some tell me that is my problem. I havent found the right man yet.

 

I beg to differ with that conclusion to my issue which is that I have never had an orgasm from actual penetration alone. The man that I am with I love with all my heart, we are having a baby in October and I have never been happier with my relationship. We have other children and a great realtionship. Even the sex is great but it seems that I hardly ever have an orgasm and to all women who have sex, I dont think it is satisfying to have sex and not climax.

 

We use lubricants and condoms to help him last longer and they work (I hate to say it but he doesnt last long), but ever since I have been having sex the only way I can have an orgasm is by oral sex or from clitoral stimulation during penetration, and even then I have to do it myself and this and with oral sex it seems to take me so long to have one.

 

Sometimes (especially being pregnant now) I get upset (with myself) that it takes me so long because I feel that my fiance gets discouraged and/or annoyed by this. I have even tried a gel that helps with female climax and it seems to help sometimes and sometimes not. I have used vibrators and other sex toys and as long as I am doing things with the clitoris they work but never from penetration.

 

Is there something wrong with me or can someone give me some advise on how I can have an orgasm easier or faster. I was never one for hands on masterbation it never seemed to work for me and I have always thought that there was something wrong, now I think that maybe my body is just stubborn. Can anyone help!!! It would make up both happy.

 

THANKS!!!

[OceanEyes]

I feel that my fiance gets discouraged and/or annoyed by this.

 

This alone, would prevent me from having enjoyable sexual experiences. For starters, I would worry about it from start to finish, and would have to concentrate 10 times harder just to 'get there'. If your husband really does get annoyed with this, try asking him how he would like it if you gave him a hard time about his 'quickness'? He can't help it, but neither can you. Work around it!

 

Some women can't achieve orgasm unless manually or orally stimulated (clitoris). This is not uncommon, and you shouldn't feel as if there is something wrong with you - there isn't - all of my girlfriends including myself are this way except for one who can have multiple orgasms through penetration. What she does? I have no idea, but from what she's told me, it's nothing different from what I do. She's obviously just built differently, but it definitely doesn't mean that her sexual experiences are better than mine. Work with what you already have.

 

How long does it really take you to climax? Sometimes it takes me 10 minutes, sometimes 30, and sometimes it just doesn't happen. I think it's perfectly normal and healthy to be this way. What do you expect, to be able to have orgasms like a man? lol I doubt that anything you try will ever achieve that for you, so just keep up what you're doing and try to relax a bit more! You are who you are!

 

Something you should consider, is that sex shouldn't be a big hasstle every time you want to have it. There shouldn't be all kinds of politics involved, where one person is fighting to have an orgasm. It should be something you feel. If you find that it's hard for you, then perhaps the sexual chemistry between you and your partner isn't balanced, or that he's not being completely supportive, understanding and encouraging. For most women, sex is something they feel, it can't be rushed, and communication outside of the bedroom plays a big damn role in how comfortable you are in the bedroom. Just something to think about.

[Hello90]

I know how you feel. My partner gets very frustrated because it takes me so long to come. I am not a woman, but I know how you feel. Have you tried oral, fingering, different positions?

[Hello90]

-off topic, sorry-

You are who you are

Do you read Neitzsche by any chance?

[OceanEyes]

On occasion, but I didn't have him in mind.

[confusioninitself]

Oceaneyes, I am like you sometimes it takes me 15-30 minutes or longer or as you said it just doesn't happen. My partner never comes out and tells me that it annoys him but I have asked him like I said it makes me feel bad, and all it says is that when it takes that long it makes him feel like he is doing something wrong. And I do sometimes worry about it from start to finish, then there are the times when we have sex and that is all it is to me is just sex because it feels that he doesnt want to take the time to please me so when he is done, we are done. I get so mad about that and I am sure anyone would.

 

But knowing that I am not the only one like this makes me feel better, and I have friends that have multiple orgasms and I wonder what they are doing that I am not and it seems as you said, nothing its just who I am.

 

Thanks

[confusioninitself]

To hello90, the easiest position for me (more so now that i am 7 months along in my pregnancy) is doggy style this gives me better access to clitoral stimulation. Oral works but like I said it just takes a long time, i think maybe if he took as long as I do then it would be perfect. I just hear about and see women that have orgasms from just plain penetration that I wonder why I cant or dont!

[OceanEyes]

If there is something wrong with you, then there is probably something wrong with me, and I can say with complete confidence that I've never had any sexual problems before.

 

The difference between my sexual relationship and yours is that I know my boyfriend wants to please me. In fact, he can usually 'get there' in about 30 seconds, but insists on holding off (stopping/ slowing down, then starting again, changing positions frequently, etc.) until I am ready.

 

You and your man just need to talk about this. Tell him that he's not doing anything wrong, and that you love being with him, but that it takes you a bit longer. The more you worry that there is something wrong with you, the worse off you're going to be. He should be supportive and want you to satisfied.

[Hello90]

If you're thinking about having an orgasm, it will be really hard to do. Every time you are close, you will think that and it will push you back a little. One thing that helps me a lot is a LOT of foreplay. I mean beginning in the morning, until the evening. Small kisses, small rubs and stuff until I can't stand it. (assuming you don't allready do this)

 

One position that helps me get my girlfriend off is if she is on her arms and legs (doggy style) and I am under her face-to-face. I can reach down and stimulate her clitoris and we can make out at the same time. This combined with a lot of foreplay can get her off very quickly (a minute or so).

 

Goodluck!

[RayKay]

Ocean wrote a couple very good posts, most of what I would of said.

 

Some women can orgasm through penetration, and some can't and need clitoral stimulation. I am one of those women who can orgasm both ways, however the important thing to remember here is I really don't do anything "different" then you likely do...I just happen to have a sensitivity - where that g-spot is apparently supposed to be - that when rubbed the right way with penetration can get me there. Both orgasms are different...but not really any one is "better" than the other. You are NOT unusual in only being able to have orgasms through clitoral stimulation (manual or oral).

 

Also, if when you are having penetrative sex, sometimes you can position yourself in a way where your clitoris is also rubbed by the penis...if its important to you to get an orgasm this way Unfortunately, it might be harder while you are pregnant, but if somehow he could angle himself over you/prop up and maybe boost your butt up with pillows or his hands if he is strong enough, it can work.

 

Some say that if you can also focus on your abdominal wall/kegels, you may be able to bring about more g-spot/vaginal orgasms, as well as introducing proper breathing techniques that also help increase blood flow.

 

However, don't be upset if you can't have them...in my opinion be blessed with the ones you do have! Believe it or not, many women would love to even be able to get to where you are!

 

If I do have one tip....try not to think about them so much. The harder you TRY to have one, the harder it is to get there. And talk to your partner about easing up on the pressure on BOTH of you, as again, makes it like a "performance act" rather than an enjoyable experience that might be conducive to getting there!

[confusioninitself]

Yes I think you are all correct when you say that I think about it way to much. I agree with you all 100% and like I said it makes me feel better knowing that I am not the only one that requires more than just penetration, I have went years thinking (mostly becuse people have told me) that there was just something i wasnt doing right or, you just havent found a man that can do it yet. Makes me laugh to think of some of the things that people say when they dont know what to say you know.

[Tigris]

A lot of women don't climax with sexual intercourse. I definitely don't! I can only do it with masturbation and oral sex.

 

I know what you mean about being disappointed because I feel exactly the same and have done so for 20 years!

 

I'm sorry I can't be more help.

 

Take care.

[confusioninitself]

Well I definatly agree with you about being disappointed, I use to think that the older I got and the more I explored with sex and had orgasms the easier they would come. Now sometimes I feel that the more I have them the harder they are to have.. Makes no sense to me but at least I am finally with someone that deals with it and even if it frustrates him, he dont complain (out loud anyway LOL)

[HajiMaji]

My ex use to worry about reaching an orgasm when i was giving her oral. She said she felt bad because it took her so long and i had to work so hard! I was very supportive and told her to just enjoy it regardless if she orgasmed, I told her i enjoyed giving that to her. After i said that a few times her orgasms became faster and happened everytime.

 

I think women just need to relax and not feel the pressure or whatever. Hopefully you could get your fiance to help take some pressure off and make it more relaxed Good luck!

[sizzle2028]

all i have to say is i wish i got off from penetration.. i dont think i ever have only from rubbin my clitoris off the mans body other then that.. it was always cliteroal stimulation. u should be lucky uve had it once. i have never

[Metalicsword]

Dont worry about it, my sister works at a pregnancy center and the facts state that only 2% of women can actually receive an orgasim from sexual intercourse alone. Just think of it as being normal.

[Gilgamesh]

Ok the problem i see here is that you have already come to the realization that your man is not all into giving you pleasure, 1) you feel he is a bit selfish, because he loses interest after he has been satisfied. and two, he gets frustrated because you take longer than him to have an orgasm orally.

 

So when he is down there, you see him doing it only because he feels obligated and not so much because he actually enjoys pleasing you.

 

Also, because you know he is like that, you also push yourself to hard to orgasm as fast as you can.

 

The irony here is, that if he was more romantic, less self centered, and looked forward to pleasing you, your feelings would be such that your orgasms will come naturally.

 

In my experience, I noticed that when i first started with my GF years ago, she took some time to have an orgasm orally. but she saw that I so much enjoyed pleasing her that way, she felt so comfortable with me, that she could totally let go, after some time together, she could orgasm within 5 minutes.

 

The only thing I can suggest to you, is, that he please you before its his turn. this does two things, one is that since he wants to get some, and is "in the mood" he will look forward to putting you first. second thing is, that there is some programming there, if he is performing oral sex on you while he is horny, those two things get anchored together, and are associated in his mind, over time, just the thought of going down on you will turn him on.

[Gilgamesh]

I believe the main problem is that guys think women are like men. our orgasms are different then a womans.

 

And its also the way we "train" ourselfs, growing up as boys will masturbate and concentrate on reaching orgasm as fast as posible.

this conditioning then translates into premature ejaculation later on in relationships.

 

Another thing, men are totally satisfied with attention to just one spot, where women can get very aroused by touching in other places, a nice long sensual massage would make my GF beg me to make love to her.

and just flirting, and building to the moment is very arousing. so its not all about hitting the bullseye and hoping for the best.

 

The best sex starts between the ears.

[MissPotBelly]

Well it's the complete opposite for me with my bf. I have no problem reaching orgasm with penetration but my bf does...lately. He used to be able to do it but not anymore and I haven't got a clue why. So I have to give him a blow job after i reach orgasm. I'm not annoyed that he can't cum but rather worried that he doesn't find me that attractive anymore. I'd wear that school girl outfit though if that'd help me look sexier.

[TheVindicator]

You say you've never orgasmed during penetration

 

You say you've already orgasmed

 

70% of women require clitoral stimulation to orgasm

 

The Answer: Clitoral stimulation during penile-vaginal sex?

[confusioninitself]

Well I have realized by all your replies that there isnt anything wrong and it is normal, which is a relief, I always figured the girls in porn were either faking it or on something, lol. I just have never told or asked anyone about it so coming upon this site helped. And I have noticed if I dont think about it so much it isnt as hard, not thinking about it is hard but over time I am sure it will all be good. I guess when I was younger and this happened I just hoped that the more orgasms I had the easier they would come ya know, but sometimes it seems as though the more I have the harder it is to have them, but in the right state of mind and mood they should become easier. The part where I get clitoral stimulation during sex by using positions that make just our bodies touch will have to wait, being 7 months pregnant our pelvic areas tend to not touch so easy, but it is something that I will try later.

[confusioninitself]

And yes, if I was like a man having an orgasm then I would have multiple and that would be great, but if we were all like men and orgasmed the same, wouldnt it get kind of boring and take the whole romantic adventure away from sex and making love. Yes I admit I would love being able to have an orgasm that quick but then again when the mood is right and all is well, it is nice to get worked up to that point and have to explore different things to get there.

 

Thing that sucks the most is when you are having really good sex and you are almost there and bam, he's done. Now in my mind even though your partner is done that does not mean it is over. Especially if you were so close at the time, there are ways that he can get you to finish unless he is being selfish of course and just falls asleep. Which makes you just really upset. I say this from a sexual experience that happened lastnight and I was quite upset, then he just fell asleep. I know I should have been like "OH I DONT THINK SO!!" but to me I shouldnt have to make him help me finish he should want to..............

[TheVindicator]

It's great you can realize what it is you wish for. Communicate this to your significant other!

 

[ps] It's not necessary to play acrobatics in the bedroom just reach down-or ask your lover to-use fingers to stimulate the clitoris.

[confusioninitself]

This I have not actually came out and said but usually when this happens (which is not all the time just a lot of it) he usually tells me to just give him a few minutes, but he is asleep within 5-10.

 

I find myself having sex with myself ater he goes to work more these days. Sometimes I wonder if it is because I am pregnant and the bigger I get the more it happens but I have talked to him about this and he assures me that this isnt an issue.

 

I just dont know really, to be honest I have had 3 serious relationships in my life and when it came to sex this is how it was, when the guys is done well if I am not the oh well. I love my fiance and dont want to think or make anyone think he is selfish when it comes to sex and orgasms but the more I think about it, the more that is the direction it points to and I am not sure how to go about talking to him about it because I have tried and still get no where.

 

I always thought sex/making love should be a mutual satisfaction but when it happens this way, it makes me feel like it was just sex, no making love about it. Especially when we start we really get into it and he makes it seem like all he wants to do is please me, then he gets to the point where "he just cant take it no more" and then its over, just like that. Kind of hurtful at times, and definatly unsatisfying to get so worked up then he is to tired to give me the same satisfaction I gave him.

[TheVindicator]

I think what's happening is the after-effect of ejaculation. If he were to work out his PC's and separate his orgasms from ejaculation, he wouldn't be exhausted afterwards.