Poll please.....NC!! How long has it been? Is it working?

[toonsy]

ME? Here's my sitch:

Though we broke up 1 1/2 months ago, the first week he contacted nearly every day. THe next week we took a trip we had planned. The following week I emailed twice - we had conversation. No contact for a week. Then I gave him a letter professing my feelings - put it all out there - said I knew he could be seeing someone new and i'd respect it but still had hope. He emailed me 2 days later saying he still had feelings for me but couldnt deal with the arguments we had been having with all the things he currently has going on in his life. He is seeing someone new (they dont argue he says ) he's told her all about me, and he wants to work at a friendship with me - it's "something we missed" he said. I said i'd be uncomfortable initiating the contact now that he's seeing someone. He said it wouldnt matter to him, but he understood and would initiate contact with me after speaking with her more about things.... That was 8 days ago - but who's counting!? Feels like months!

 

I have only just begun. I DO want him back....over time. But i am working on me and trying to get out there in the meantime. My birthday is the 29th.....i really wonder if he'll acknowledge it.....

 

SO! SHARE WITH ME YOUR STORIES!!! HOW LONG? HOW DID YOU LEAVE THINGS IN THE END?? HAVE THEY CONTACTED YOU?? HOW ARE YOU DOING? IS IT 'WORKING'??

[kellbell]

No contact is supposed to help YOU!! Not him or make him come back to you, that's just game playing. It helps you heal and recover from heartache. He has moved on and is happy. It hurts like he!! I know. But there is nothing you can do on that end. The only thing you can do is help yourself. Take it one day at a time, it will hurt less as time goes by. He may contact you on your birthday but don't count on it. I would go out with the girls and get wild on your birthday. You deserve it. It will get easier. Hang in there.

[toonsy]

I agree, and that's what I am doing. BUT, NC is also a tactic! Of course we all need to tak that time and let go, regain what we've lost and heal... But the truth is, it also plays on human nature.

-people want what they cant have

-interest grows with less information

-less from you creates curiosity on their end......

 

Work on me? Yes, I am doing that. I do realize this may be it. Is he happy with her? For now I think. I dont think it will turn out to be much over time. But it's all unknown.

 

But you have to admit that even though NC is meant for those of us who are trying to heal and move on, it DOES cause affect to those who walked away........

[Mun]

The interesting thing is that they will usually call or come around when you have forgotten about them.. or are moving on in your life. Ever seen the movie Swingers? It happens like that.

 

So it's better not to use NC as a tactic, but to move on and heal in your life.

 

Who knows, when he comes back you might decide that telling his gf about you and getting her approval was a bit insulting and humiliating and not want him back at all anymore.

[kellbell]

I agree with muneca, with not using NC as a tatic. I also would not be comfortable with the fact your ex talks about you to his his new girlfriend and if I was the girlfriend, I would not be comfortable hearing about ex's.

He might come around, he may not.

 

I have used no contact before as a way to move on and the loser always called me back later on down the line. I was a loser and always went back to him I know now in hindsight, he was probably lonely and using me to fall back on. That's humilating. So if were use NC as a way to move on, I will firmly stand by it and never go back to an ex. But that's just me.

[toonsy]

i follow you kellbell, but this was a strong and passionate relationship. i've been in love, been married and divorced......never thought i'd find what i did in him. it's kind of a complicated story really.

 

i do feel we lacked the 'friendship' aspect. i have ONLY dated guys i've been friends with for a year or so before. This was the first relationship i've jumped into. so for me, trying to work on that friendship is important to me if we ever have a chance.

 

but - NC is for me, yes. do i think his new relationship is going to last? no. but i cant wait around for him..... If he and i do work on that friendship i could see us working out over TIME........MONTHS!!!!

 

but, it's up to him.

NC it is.

it's tough, and you never know what could happen.

but this is about me as you said.

[kellbell]

Good attitude toonsey. It's real hard, I know. Especially when you know went wrong and you know how to fix it. But you never know, later on down the line, your paths can cross and there could be a second chance but like you said, you have to do this for you. Take care.