Want to get over her

[kammanaut]

Hi all, I'm a new poster. This forum has been a help to me and I look forward to reading more.

Anyway, I have a special problem and I wonder if anyone can offer advice. I'm really, really hurting over this. I was very involved with a girl at work. We were lovers for over two years but began to have conflicts and eventually realized that our relationship wasn't healthy for either of us. I'm ok with all that; I think it was a wise decision. Problem is, I still love this girl and now I must see her everyday at work. She has said she really wants to be friends, and we are friendly at work, but we never communicate outside of the office and I don't feel like I have the energy to call her because I fear I (or she) will fall back into some of our negative behaviors. Also, she says she wants to be friends, but she never calls; this year forgot my birthday completely, etc. How does one deal with a scene where you must see your ex everyday of the week. I sure can't quit my job. I feel I'd be well over this by now if I didn't have to see her/listen to her everyday. Anyone w/ a similar experience?

Take care,

Jon

[heloladies21]

Tough situation indeed. Talk to other chicks, a lot of em. If you found someone else it just might do the trick.

[AlwaysNeedHelp]

hmm.. i dont know what exactly happened between u.. but if u can see that u both can go throught ur probelms together.. and u still love her as u said then try to be with her again..

 

otherwise, if she just wants to be friends i know it would be very difficult for u to forget her.. but if u accepted things as they are u would be happier.. no doubt it will take time... just try to talk to the other girls at work.. u dont have to flirt with them and i dont mean u have a relation with one of them, but just to make ur time pass easier.. get busy in other stuff that would make u stop thinking about her a little bit.. life is sometimes difficult my friend but if u can wait things will become better that u thought...

 

the only things i can advice u now is to be patient and strong... and i hope u goodluck...

[TiredMan]

Seems like there is stuff you are leaving out. If it was a strong relationship, even with the work, then it wouldn't just be a problem. Perhaps you guys were getting into fights and it translated over to work? I've had that happen. Not all out fighting but more like not talking and silly stuff like that because of being mad over something outside work.

[Elfdrinkingtea]

This seem simmiliar to my junior year experience in highsschool. I was a close friend with this girl and one day I tell her that i like her. After that thing gets awkward between us. The thing that increased our awkwardness is when she was arranged to sit right behind me in class. We are still friend today but we dont' contact each other or hang out like it used to be.

From my experience, it is better for you to not try to supress your feeling, love, toward this girl. The feeling will subside over time. I know it will feel like years. During that time, you must realize that this girl doesn't love you, she love you only as a friend. Don't force your self to believe this, realize this.

[Tigris]

It took me 3 years to get over one rejection. So don't expect miracles.

 

I think you're doing the best thing just communicatinag at work only. She's probably feeling exactly the same way as your are. Obviously she wants to be friends but she needs time to heal as well.

 

Just give it more time and everything should fall into place.

 

Hope things work out quickly.

 

Good luck and take care.

[kammanaut]

Many thanks for everyone's thoughtful responses. Tigris, you make a good point - perhaps she doesn't make an effort to contact me out of work for the same reason I don't contact her: we're just each of us healing in our own ways. I actually do have lots of things going on in my life outside work - friends, family, personal interests, et cetera - so I just need to be more mindful and stop myself when I feel I'm falling down that hole of thinking about her and the way things used to be. Oh, and reading and posting here really helps keep things in perspective!

Many thanks and happy weekend, all!

Jon