Got dumped...by the same girlfriend as last time

[dnb007]

Heres the background. I've been going out with my gf for 8 months. We 'broke up' about a month ago for 2 days until I couldnt take it anymore and I wanted her back (mind you she dumped me). I never thoguht she fully cared about me as much as I did to her. She would never call, never planned a date, never took the initiative to contribute to the relationship. Although all of this seems bad, I couldnt let go to the person I loved.

 

Well....my now ex-gf has been acting kind of weird lately and today just sums it all up. Her excuses for not seeing me never made any sense and today was the day that she decided to break it to me. Well, I've been on this trip for 3 weeks and before that she acted caring, and was happy to see me. She even wrote me a plane letter and she told me how she felt about me and it was very touching. After the 3 weeks, I got back and called her...she wasnt very enthusiastic about seeing me and I've been trying to set up a date with her for the past week and she always came up with excuses that never made any sense so I told her to call me after she got home from her "dinner" but she never did. I waited 2 full days and no call. In the past when I told her to call, she always would but NEVER called when I didnt ask her to call. Anyways, so I decided to give her a surprise visit to ask for an explanation as to why she didnt call me. So heres the conversation with her.

 

Me: Wernt you supposed to call me 2 days ago?

Her: Yes

Me: How come I didnt get a call?

Her: I want to break up with you.

 

I was devistated when she said that and no words could explain it. She was my world, my life, and everywehre I went, everything I did, I was always thinking about her. There goes 8 months of both our lives wasted. I couldnt think of words to say and we were both standing beside each other in silence until she said that shes not ready to be in a relationship, I'm not her type, Relationships shouldnt be a top prioity at this point of my life (but I said I cant help that it is), take it as an experience, theres many other people out there who will love you as much as you love them, I'll never love you as much as you love me. I dont know what it is about her but putting all those statements togheter don't make sense either. I have no clue what the hell shes thinking. Anyways, I think this is the end of it and I'm not gonna try to go for her again although this hurts me so much becuase I care so much for her and I dont want to ever let her go.

 

After this, I went to one of my friends house and I talked to her about it....sat and cried for a good 30 minutes and she comforted me. Then she suggested to watch a movie to distract me from this whole ordeal. The movie was good but the end made me feel miserable. It ended with 2 lovers in each others arms sayign that they'll be together forever. To make things worse, I was driving home and I heard a love song...it made me want to smash open my radio. My friend just told me to be strong and that I did nothing wrong and to try to get over this.

 

I feel betrayed and I cant really trust her again because of what shes done. All the lies as excuses that didnt make sense...her plane letter that explained how she felt about me, how she said she missed me everyday that I was gone. Its going to be hard to trust another girl like that and to feel that way about a girl. She was my first love and I will never forget it.

[misery12]

Man, you're right where I was.

It's so weird reading that.. because your mind-set is so different when you're in that position. It's because you have such a high tolerance for what she throws at you, you don't realize what it's really doing until a few months down the road.

 

I'm telling you now.. the only way to get her back is to not talk to her.

Talking to her will only smother her, and push her away more. Let her come to you. You have to appear busy (or be busy) and appear happy at all times.. she has to know your happiness is based around her.

She probably thinks that.

 

You're allowed to cry or whatever you want, but make sure you vent your emotions on this forum, and not to her inbox. Trust me. Gets you nowheres but reverse.

 

I know which step you should take from each part of progress you make, feel free to PM anytime. You came to the right place for situations like this.

 

Maybe she just wants time/space to herself and once she see's you're not going to wait around for her, she may realize what she's lost and come back for you.. if she doesn't, at least you know how she really feels.. right?

 

Don't you want a girl that feels the same about you? Don't settle just because you have memories with her. Memories can be made with anyone... and any bad memories you have with her, can be replaced by someone else.

[dnb007]

Its kind of hard to just ignore her because we were almsot best friends before we got together...Like I knew her for almost 4 years and we go to school togehter. What makes it harder is that I shared my firsts with her....My first kiss, My first emotional hug, my first date, my first gf, my first...ermmm lets not go there...All my friend see where I'm coming from becuase they see how she acts and they all tell me I deserve better than that. Maybe I do but its just hard to accept the facts. Only time will heal me. I've had a rough day today....absolutely no sleep last night, almost crashed 2 times in my car, and this happen to me. "I promise that whatever obstacles we come upon, we'll battle throguh it togehter no matter how hard it is to." An excerpt from my plane letter thingy. Its hard to deal with it cuz look what happened now? Wel...I really dont know what to do but I'll try to move on

[misery12]

That's clearly why it's so hard to move on.

She is your FIRST everything, and your most recent as well. You have no other memories or thoughts to occupy your mind, except for her.

That's exactly what will prevent you from moving on from her. YOu have to get out there.. and occupy yourself, keep busy.. and sooner or later you'll realize you don't need her to be happy. You don't need to ignore her, but take as much time as you need to be emotionally over her, before you try to talk with her again. It's very hard to see someone you still have feelings for, lingering over another guy, trust me.

 

It's not worth it.. i'm sure you'll be curious as to what she's up to, but trust me... she IS wondering what you're doing too. You haven't left her memories either. You're still there, don't worry.. but it's your decision what you plan to do with those memories.

 

You have to respect yourself before anyone else will, or else they'll see that you don't love yourself, and start walking all over you. Once you gain more confidence and walk with your chin up and a smile on your face, only good things can come afterwards. That's why people who are sad all the time wonder why nothing good comes to them.. who wants to be around a moping kid all day long?

 

Good luck.

[dnb007]

Thanks misery

[misery12]

No problem man, I've been through it all and it took me at least 2 months to figure this stuff out.

Feel free to PM with any questions whenever you feel down, I know how consuming those painful thoughts can be.

[dnb007]

Well....1 day has past since I broke up with her. I just cant get over the fact that she lied to me all the times before when she made her stupid excuses and about the stuipd letter. I feel more anger than sadness although I still feel sad that it ended this way.