I just got dumped. I'll test the "I don't care" at

[JustGotDumpedHard]

Damn this is hard! To make things even harder (or maybe easier), she quit her job - resigned today and left.

 

She still won't talk to me or acknowledge me in any way. She packed her stuff and left right after lunch. I haven't made any contact whatsoever with her.

[patience]

her choice to quit will make it much easier on you as the days go by

 

when you are tempted to contact her, come here and post, call a friend, go for a walk, go to a movie, do anything other than call her

 

if you reach a point where you think you MUST call, wait 24 hours and re-evaluate things, chances are the urge to call will go away

 

there's lots of support here for people doing no contact

[vinuab]

I totally feel the same way Justgotdumped, I recently got dumped. I wasn't expecting it at all, as a matter of fact when I told people they thought I had left him. I'm in love, and will always be, but that's not going to change the way he feels. You need to really accept that she's not coming back, even if she does you can't think about that because it's mere speculation. Act on what's going on right now. I too worked with him and was fired because my boss thought the situation was too uncomfortable for the other employees (we were married). I'm glad I got fired, it would have driven me crazy to see him, especially if he didn't react to seeing me.

[JustGotDumpedHard]

So how long does it usually take before the dumper calls -- if they do decide they'll call at all?

 

I wrote a long email to her yesterday, but thank God I didn't send it. And I won't. This is damn hard - I have trouble sleeping at night. But hey, those are the breaks, I guess,

[Bobby101]

Yeah I know exactly how you feel. I have had one text message and one (drunken) phone call in the last month.

 

I however have invoked contact too many times. I suppose I deserve to fell terrible.

 

I am all over the place. Sometimes I convince myself everything is ok and then then the next minute I fall to pieces.

 

Is feeling like this worth it ?

[JustGotDumpedHard]

Crap I miss her so much I just want to call her. I won't do it, though. I'm just puzzled as to how she could have been so loving and tender with me one day - ad the next be so angry that she won't even speak to me for days.

[JustGotDumpedHard]

I'm still incredulous that she hasn't made an attempt to contact me. I know that it's been only 5 days, but still ...

 

She may have hooked up with someone else and used any fabricated event as an excuse to break it off "clean" with me. If so - then so be it.

[Vert]

I'm still incredulous that she hasn't made an attempt to contact me. I know that it's been only 5 days, but still ...

 

She may have hooked up with someone else and used any fabricated event as an excuse to break it off "clean" with me. If so - then so be it.

 

Bro, you're worrying way too much about this. Five days is nothing in the grand scheme of things, and also five days is pretty short to expect contact when you're doing NC. The fact is that she's probably sticking by whatever she wanted to do, which seems to be NC, and it helps her move on. Most likely she isn't seeing anyone in just five days after a breakup so you need to relax and chill out. I know it sucks as I've been there before, but in all likeliness she's still single and trying to work things out without speaking to you (helps her heal). Whatever her deal is though you need to move on, accept what's happening, and pick your head up.

[NU_BLUE]

I know the feeling that you're experiencing right now.

It's like... if your ex-gf comes back, then she must realize what she's done wrong, and wants to change, so i'll give her another chance.

 

But really... nobody can change overnight. If she really wants you, she has to mend all the scars she single handedly brought to you.

Which shouldn't be as easy as a "im sorry, take me back?".

 

It should be a confession of her flaws, and a solution to her faults.

 

This guy is exactly right....it has been 2 months since I've even seen or talked to her and frankly I don't care if I even see her anymore. My 6 month gf dumped in a rather mean way and I was hurt for awhile but now (post 2 months..) I don't care anymore. Yeah, I get lonely and miss her but in all reality I don't really want to talk to her because it won't do me any good. Call that selfish if you want to but its far from that....Also, if she calls you up or runs into you and tries to talk to you be as callous and dry as you want because think about it...What do you have to lose...Nothing... If she calls you an a-hole or whatever..so..she didn't want to your friend in the first place by the way she broke up with you.... So, think about this in what you will gain or lose. Do not, however, come accross as being arrogant(sp?) so tread lightly with the way you act towards them.

 

On the flipside, if you did something to cause the break up such as saying something mean, etc...Then you should probabely(sp?) talk to her... I know, I know that completely contradicts what all I just said but not all dumpers are bad its just the way some of them do it thats bad. Being mean to your gf/bf when you dump them is very inexcuseable(sp?) and very selfish. I mean, if you didn't want to be with someone you'd dump them too wouldn't you? Yes... Just don't be a fing a-hole about it. In otherwords you have to look at your sistuation from both sides and it has taken me two months to figure that out. Does that mean I forgive my ex....f-no!

 

Sorry for the spelling errors I was typing pretty fast..

[JustGotDumpedHard]

No - I never said anything mean to her the whole time we've been together. In fact, I've come to realize today that she's an emotionally and verbally abusive person. She's often insulted, sworn, yelled, and otherwise tried to belittle me in many ways.

 

She was getting known as a hothead at work and had been needlessly rude and overly confrontational with various members of management. That day, she had pushed the envelope way too far at work with upper management and when they called her to a meeting about it she asked me what to do. I advised her to simply play it cool and not react to them lest they use it as an excuse to fire her. I think she expected me to say that I'd threaten them with quitting if they wrote her up or that she should give them ther finger or something.

 

She called me spineless and never spoke to me again. At the meeting, they wrote her up and she quit. I haven't heard from er since.

[JustGotDumpedHard]

I know in my mind that I'm way better off without this woman in my life, and yet I miss her terribly. Every day I wake up and wish she would call me, IM me, email me. Anything.

 

I was tempted to call her last night - but thankfully I didn't.

[wynterose]

I know it's hard and it will take a while to be able to get thru 1 hour without her popping up into your head. Have you thought of starting a journal? It's a great way to get your thoughts out of your head.

 

I remember when my bf of 3 years and I broke up, I had written him a long letter and kept it in my purse for over 1 year. Just writting it and keeping it close to me made me feel better...

 

maybe you should also start looking for a new job. She's gone from there anyway, and I'm sure you probably have memories of every single thing she did and said there. A file you pick up that she worked on in the past? A colleage's pair of pants you both laughed over because it looked ridiculous? All memories that keep you from getting over her.

[patience]

Good for you for not calling!

[JustGotDumpedHard]

It's been well over a week - and I'm very depressed about this. I've had the urge to emial, call, and even write a letter.

 

I've done none of those yet. Damn it! Will she ever contact me??

[patience]

she might...she might not

 

if she needs something from you, she might...that's how abusive people tend to operate

[JustGotDumpedHard]

Well - she called this morning on my cell. I let it ring 4 times, deliberating as to whether or not I should answer - and I finally did.

 

She called to apologize to me - but she still held on to the idea that she was right to have been as mad as she was to me. As a result, when she suggested we meet up for lunch - I didn't say no, but I also didn't agree. I csimply hanged the subject. She brought it up again and I also blew it off again.

 

So she ended the call and there's no resolution. But I won't even consider seeing her again unless she drastically changes her sttitude towards me. I won't be calling her - she'll have to call me again if she wants to talk.

[wynterose]

I think your taking this very slowly and that's a good thing. If you don't think she's right, and you know that she'll never see how wrong she is, it might be a very good idea to wait some more before meeting up. I also think that your questioning meeting up again too... or you would have said yes to lunch.

[JustGotDumpedHard]

Yeah - it's interesting how NC worked here. She did call back and I don't think it was to "apologize" either. She wanted to have lunch together so she could see me again, I think.

 

But also NC, even in the short 10 days it lasted, was a factor in getting me to clear the haze of emotion and see the facts shine through with the clarity I needed to have second thoughts about this woman.

 

NC made it possible for me to resist falling right back in with her today as I certainly would have last week and made me able to give her the chance to approach this relationship with more respect for me - if indeed she chooses to try to come back.

[JustGotDumpedHard]

She called again last night on my cell. I was working out, so I didn't hear the call. But I decided not to call back.

[JustGotDumpedHard]

So she called again tonight and this time I picked up. We talked for awhile about the goings on at work and stuff and after 20 minutes or so I started to wind down the conversation and say goodnight. At that point she asked "Do you still like me?"

 

And I replied "Well .. you were a little rough on me"

 

She then tried to say that she was just upset and that's why she was so mean but I bought none of it. I remained polite and upbeat but I bid her a goodnight without answering her question.

 

So any ideas of what she may be thinking now?

[Vert]

So she called again tonight and this time I picked up. We talked for awhile about the goings on at work and stuff and after 20 minutes or so I started to wind down the conversation and say goodnight. At that point she asked "Do you still like me?"

 

And I replied "Well .. you were a little rough on me"

 

She then tried to say that she was just upset and that's why she was so mean but I bought none of it. I remained polite and upbeat but I bid her a goodnight without answering her question.

 

So any ideas of what she may be thinking now?

 

Guard your heart, bro, just guard your heart. I don't know this girl but you do -- my guess is that she's going through the "I'm not sure if I want him back but I'll see where this takes me" phase. Just continue playing it cool, going slow, and making her come to you. However, don't get too involved again too quickly else if you get dropped again it will be double as difficult to get over.

[JustGotDumpedHard]

How should I proceed now? Should I wait for her to call again? Or should I make the next move? I don't mind playing it cool - but I imagine that if I play this too cool, things will get cold ...

[Vert]

How should I proceed now? Should I wait for her to call again? Or should I make the next move? I don't mind playing it cool - but I imagine that if I play this too cool, things will get cold ...

 

Not necessarily. If she really wants to restart a relationship then she'll make an effort to show she means it. Give her another day or two.

[Wisewoman]

No, don't contact her. it will drive her crazy and make you even more desirable in her eyes. People crave what they can't have and if she thinks she's lost you it will make her that more desperate to get you back.

Give yourself time to decide if she's what you want or not.

You've done really well not answering her, the fact that youre in a position of power now will give you the impetus to go on with your decisions. You havent been dumped anymore, youre now in the position to choose what you want.

[JustGotDumpedHard]

Well, I agreed to meet her for lunch tomorrow. She said she wanted to meet with me to see how she feels about us. I made no comment to that. I'll play it by ear - but I'm also interetested in any advice or ideas you all may have.