What to Tell About Your Dating Past

[PB]

I'm sure there are some good threads relating to this, but I'm not finding them right away.

 

What do you guys tell your partners (let's say you've been dating for awhile and are "exclusive") about any past relationship history?

 

Do you usually tell your partner some basic generalities, but remain vague as to details? Like, for instance, I dated this one person in college for a couple of years, but things didn't work out.

 

Do you tell your partners something along the lines of "it's the past and not really worthy of our discussion"?

 

Do you go into quite a bit of detail about your relationships that failed and why and what you learned, etc...

 

Do you lie or make up stuff?

 

I'd be interested in hearing opinions or examples where things you shared or did not share with a partner caused either a deepening bond with this person or tainted the water.

[melrich]

I am pretty open about who I have had relationships with in the past, mainly because I remain friendly with my exes with whom I had longer relationships.

 

But no nitty gritty details.

[Bounder]

Maybe just tell them what you need to tell them (dont lie) in the sense that, look, you are clearly choosing to be with them now, but maybe there are things you are aware of about yourself that you want to make sure dont happen again. Isnt that a good policy?

[PB]

I am pretty open about who I have had relationships with in the past, mainly because I remain friendly with my exes with whom I had longer relationships.

 

But no nitty gritty details.

 

But your new partner knows your ex's names, etc...?

[loveydovey]

Well, me I tell them if its pertaining to our current topic of discussion. I won't just bring it up out of the blue saying, "Well, one time my ex......" or "Me and my ex used to always go to that restaurant".

 

But general questions such as last time in a relationship, longest relationship, what issues I have with myself or the oppositie sex that may have been discovered from being in past relationships, or anything like that gets answered. No need to go getting into an emotional conversation with blow by blow information .

[loveydovey]

And also, I don't really bring up names. I don't think it's necessary

[PB]

And also, I don't really bring up names. I don't think it's necessary

 

So, do you sometimes run into old flames and you know what happened between you and they know what happened but you keep your current partner in the dark about it?

[melrich]

But your new partner knows your ex's names, etc...?

 

 

Yeah, I have had 3 previous relationships of 2 years plus. My current partner knows my exes herself and is quite friendly with them, one in particular. We see them at various social events (not all the same) quite often.

[Bounder]

Wow melrich....I hope i can just get to the point of say "my ex" without getting angry or despondent, lol

[melrich]

I hope i can just get to the point of say "my ex" without getting angry or despondent, lol

 

LOL...it will happen with time, assuming then that you want to be friends. Hasn't always been this way. My first significant relationship when I was aged 17 to 21 broke up very badly and we did not talk for about 3 years but we still had common friends. Took a long time but now we are really close 13 years later.

 

I think what happens to most people is that by the time they are completetly healed they lose any interest in their ex as a potential friend that they just don't bother pursuing the friendship.

[PB]

My angle on all of this is actually in the reverse direction that I posed it.

 

My ex gf (4 year relationship and someone I work with), and I broke up to a large degree over her current bf--only he doesn't know that he broke us up. And he doesn't even know that she and I dated.

 

Chances are pretty good over the next couple of years that I will be around them socially from time to time.

 

I've been pretty forthcoming about past relationships with my partners. However, on more than one occasion they have interpreted my candor as thinking that I still have "a thing" for someone from the past--which wasn't true.

[loveydovey]

And also, I don't really bring up names. I don't think it's necessary

 

So, do you sometimes run into old flames and you know what happened between you and they know what happened but you keep your current partner in the dark about it?

 

 

My current partner wouldnt know the ex's name specifically, but they would for the most part know what happened between me and the ex but also understand it's in the past.

 

When I tell stories or recount an incident from my past, I typically don't make mention of the name (eg. My friend came over; I helped my friend do her hair; I talked to my friend yesterday). And so similarly, I do the same when referring (if need be) to an ex.

[RayKay]

Like melrich, I tell my partner basic information, as I too am friendly/on good terms with those longer term ex's, and there are times we are in the same social situations with them. I will if they ask let them know why things did not work out...but that is about the extent. One ex in particular my partner and I run into frequently as we are in the same athletic circles and compete at same events.

 

I leave out the nitty gritty, and keep in mind it IS the past, and this is the now. And do not EVER do comparisons of ex to partner, or of relationships!