Men and the dissapearing act

[SandyD]

I´m in a relationship now and I´m very happy. But last year I dated a man who lives a town away. He would drive to my town on weekends to hang out with me. I always knew he was a player, but I wasn´t looking for anything serious, so it didn´t matter. I guess I was playing the field as well.

 

He was a cool guy, charming, very good looking, I loved our conversations... but he was bent on convincing me to have sex with him. Not that I´m a prude or anything, but I didn´t feel right about hoping into bed with someone who clearly only wanted to add another notch to his bedpost. And, despite his having all the qualities that made him dear, I didn´t feel that attracted to him because he put so much pressure on me to go to bed with him. He was very very rude sometimes and tried to emotionally manipulate me, and it got to a point where I even felt a little sorry for him. He went as far as saying that he had fallen for me, and then he would decide to drop me off at home in a very bad mood because once again I didn´t want to go have sex with him. He was a jerk, and all the while I was trying to be a good friend and show him a good time on his weekends here.

 

The real kicker is... he had a long term, long distance girlfriend the whole time. I think he was even engaged. He was a slimeball.

 

Anyway, one day he just stopped calling and contacting me. I think he realized I wasn´t going to put out, so he decided to find someone else. This was many, many months ago. Now, all of a sudden, he contacted me through e-mail, acknowledging that he disappeared and didn´t know if I´d want to hear from him... really putting out bait to see if I´ll bite.

 

I just want to know... how would you respond to someone like this? Should I let the dogs out on him, or just be very cool? I feel like he took advantage of my good nature, and I can´t help but want to put him in his place.

[RayKay]

I would not even answer the email myself. He does sound like a jerk, actually no, he IS a cheating, manipulative jerk, and would not deserve my time spent on a precious email. He really does not sound like a "cool guy" at all.

 

Or answer it, but say that you are glad to see he is still alive, thanks for the update. And shut it down.

 

As you said yourself you are in a relationship and very happy, why even bother with this guy at all?

[DN]

I would just ignore it - that will be all the message he should need.

[snowgirl]

Ditto. He showed you his true colors. You already know he's a dirtbag. I would ignore him. I have done this myself, and I have to tell you, it felt good.

[lady00]

Exactly. I would not respond. He's not worth even the small amount of energy it would take to put him in his place. Besides, chances are, he already knows he's a complete jerk...he doesn't need anyone to tell him that. If you ignore him, you're sending a clear message and you're telling him to buzz off even without having to do so. Ignoring him is the best way to put him in his place.

[bridget74]

I wouldn't reply either, but if you are the type of person who just can't not respond, I think what you said is in your post is all you need to day "You took advantage of my good nature." and then you can add something like, I don't need you in my life, or want you, etc... I would not stoop to the level of name calling however, even if you believe and we believe he is a big jerk!