A sign to move on or obstacles to make us stronger?

[itsmenicole]

Hi. This is my first time posting here. I've seen some really good advice and hope to get some for myself. Thanks in advance to everyone.

 

I was married for five years. My husband cheated on me, lied to me, and sneaked around about everything. It made me so insecure. I have been divorced for nearly four years and it is still a problem. I have been dating my current boyfriend for a year. I don't think he would ever cheat on me or even flirt. But I question everything. It's a long distance relationship and that makes it even harder. We are 90 miles apart and only see each other on the weekends. Several months ago we discussed marriage and/or moving in together. He was going to get some finances straight and find a job here and move by August (when his lease was up). Well it's August and I have this awful gut feeling that it's not going to happen and he's not even planning on it soon. He slipped up and said "in 3 months when I move...". He tried to say that's not what he meant and that he meant within 3 months he would be moved. We have been fighting a lot about my insecure issues. One night he was supposed to come to an important dinner with some coworkers and he called to say, just minutes before having to be there, that he wasn't going to make it. He had planned it poorly. It was so important to me! A lot of times he'll say he'll call and then doesn't. A lot of times he says he'll be somewhere and then I'm calling him trying to find otu where he's at. I just feel like our priorities are so different. When I ask him he says we're on the same page. I'm so confused. I don't know if I am supposed to break up with him and move on or work thru all of these things. What doesn't kill us is supposed to make us stronger, right? Aren't these things supposed to bring us closer? All along I have felt more serious about this relationship than he has. I don't know if it's my insecurities or what. I think I have a problem with accepting someone really could love me as much as he says he does and it be real. I don't want to keep accusing him of checking out some other girl or being somewhere that he shouldn't be when he's completely innocent. But I can't help it. I need help getting rid of this insecurity and moving on. I don't want one bad relationship ruining a great one. Has anyone gone thru this and beat it? Thank you so much for taking the time!

[annie24]

Hi and welcome to eNotalone.

 

Well, when he slipped up, he said "when I move in 3 months..." at least that indicates that he IS planning on moving. When you talk to him, don't be accusatory. Maybe just ask what he meant by that. Like, did something happen with his job search? Give him a chance, there could be a good explanation. Because, obviously, it's august, and he's not here, so something is up - maybe his boss talked him into staying at his current job longer...

 

Ultimately, actions speak louder than words, and I think you'll know if he wants to move in with you when he actually does it.

 

Good luck

[sadanalone]

i may sound a bit harsh but i think what you need to do is sit down and take a little bit of me time . you have been through alot with a marrage and a devorce and it just sounds like your looking for a quick fix for your emotions, i know how hard it is to love someone and loose there love over such a thing as cheeting and all i could say is it gets easer and it just takes time for you to get to know your self better so you dont fall for the same kind of man again.

 

" luck is a state of mind ,but happyness is a state of being "

 

{sadanalone}

[amy102481]

I think that the most important thing for you, is to focus on what makes you happy and feel secure about yourself. I think sometimes talking to someone else like a counsoler is good. I really believe you can't love someone else until you really love yourself and are content with you. Let him do what he wants, and focus on your happiness with or without him.

[dancesinquicksand]

Just remember that all the little things that he does now that make you wonder or upset you, like not calling. Just get worse once you get married. You need to deal with these issues now. It seems to me that if the relationship is makeing you unhappy. Its not what you need in your life right now.

 

It sounds to me like you to might not be on the same page.

 

Bottom line is you realized with your past experiences that you deserve better. Why are you selling yourself short again...