girlfriend or girl buddy? what's best for the summer?

[barnes200]

I'm at a crossroads. The girl generally likes me, even though we haven't gone on a date yet. I'll still need to find out if she wants a fling for the summer or if she's looking for a relationship or if she just wants to be friends.

 

The problem is, I'm trying to decide that for myself as well. I'm in my mid-twenties. So guys, what would you REALLY prefer for a satisfying summer? Meet girl a, girl b, c, date them and eventually we become intimate? Or would you choose to make new female friends? What if you were in a situation where you had only one female friend, but you didn't make any moves with her for various reasons INCLUDING that you didn't want to mar the friendship by having sex? The new girl that I'm going to date hasn't said or put out the message that she wants to only be friends, so I have a choice.

 

Bottomline, I want to have sex and spend time intimately with a girl this summer b4 that opportunity is lost due to the fall schedule. (I'm sure that's on everyone's mind)

 

Finally, I regret that I didn't have alot of female friends (my play sisters) when I was a kid because if it were so, I wouldn't have to worry about deciding whether or not my date shouldl be a friend or a lover.

 

The good news is that I am confident that I can attract females and my first dates have been successes!

[barnes200]

the reason why I posted is because I don't want to become so involved with a girl intimately that I can't properly balance out my own social life and meet new friends while doing things on the weekends. I fear that sex might lead to the kind of commitment that will make me lose my focus on other things socially. (not job or academics)

On the other hand if I have female friends then I can be single and go to parties that they've thrown for a variety of people in the summer or fall. An option that would be excellent for me is to have a large set of female friends that are strictly platonic..they're like sisters to me, while being with a girl who is just like me: Not ready and available for the full responsibility of being in a relationship yet enjoys the perks of it.

That would be the ideal situation, especially if I wisely keep both areas separate. I have a hetero male friend who is the perfect model. Lots of ladies love him and he's developed strong bonds with them. But he hasn't had sex with any of them. Instead, they'll invite him to a party or if there's a music concert he will go with one or two of them. I've yet to learn how he became successful at balancing his urges (because I know that all males have them) with his social interest to develop female friendships.

Personally, I think I should develop more female friendships to make up for the unfortunate experiences that I've had with females while growing up. I was the loser back then, and most females in grade school thought I was un-interesting, weird, and less of a boy. I was ignored. Had no girlfriend until I was in my senior year of highschool. I became jealous that other boys had naturally vibed with girls at an early age, and since then they have become close in adulthood. For example, I know another male friend who is a music DJ. He's gotten so much support from his friends, but mostly from his female friends.

[walkingwithaghost]

You can't be serious. Just the fact you are asking other people for advice as to what type of relationship your looking for is a major sign you're not ready for a relationship at all (not to mention you think your romance should not last into the fall). You need to date all over the place and not get too serious with anyone, cause it's so obvious you don't want to.

Play on, playa.

[annie24]

Yeah.... I think you're over-thinking things waaayyy too much for a girl you haven't even been on a date with. 1) Go on a date with her and see if you two enjoy each other's company. 2) Hold off on sex until you figure out what you both want, because I think as you just saw by your posts.... it confuses things and you sound pretty confused as is. Just date her and see how things go.

 

Good luck

[DropToZero]

Make it a fling...it may turn into something...but at the end of the summer you'll know for sure when/if you can just easily part ways or not. If it gets too intimate and you're attached...it won't be easy to break it off. If it's just a fling, you shouldn't have much trouble leaving.

[ShySoul]

Bottomline, I want to have sex and spend time intimately with a girl this summer b4 that opportunity is lost due to the fall schedule. (I'm sure that's on everyone's mind)

 

Your looking for a fling, and your looking for a relationship for all the wrong reasons. You do not get close to a girl because you want sex and intimacy, you get that close to a girl because you really like her. If you go for a fling then its almost a given that you and her will either end up hurt or empty because your not ready for anything more. If you yourself admit that you are looking to have more female friends, and that a relationship wouldn't last past the summer... why start something if its not going to go anywhere?

 

Finally, I regret that I didn't have alot of female friends (my play sisters) when I was a kid because if it were so, I wouldn't have to worry about deciding whether or not my date shouldl be a friend or a lover

 

You are trying to correct something you feel you missed out on as a child. Instead of focusing on the past, look at the present. Whatever girl you see shouldn't be put in the position of fulfilling past regrets, you should be focused on how you really feel about her.

 

And why would there be any question over whether a date should be a friend or a lover? Who says they can't be both? You start out as friends, not purposely looking to get in bed with her. Then if you both honestly like each other and want to start a serious relationship, the lover part can enter the picture. Otherwise, your not ready for that kind of intimacy.